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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Worst Gift Archives
August 2002
(can you top this?
- if so, press
here)
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Worst gift: I invited
my in-laws to my college graduation as a courtesy, because their
son was flying in from out of state to be there, and it was held
somewhat close to where they lived. I thought that they might
want to visit him, but might feel inhibited without an invitation.
Anyway, they didn't come, but they sent me a crumpled $5.00 bill.
No gift at all would have been infinitely better. I was insulted.
The first time that we visited for Christmas, they gave us an electric
blanket. Not a bad gift in itself, except that they said that
they were giving it to us because they didn't intend to heat the
basement where our guest room was. It was so cold that we
could see our breath.
Signed - A Crumpled $5.00
Bill
RESPONSE: A Crumpled $5.00 Bill
Is there a word that means cheaper than cheap?
RESPONSE: A Crumpled $5.00 Bill
They might have misunderstood your invitation and not realized how
sincerely it was offered. So many missives go out at graduation
(some of which seem like they're just trolling for presents!).
I'm sorry they didn't connect with you. But you know your
whole history with them, and your son's history, better than I do.
Did the electric blanket do the job of keeping you warm in the basement,
or were you still freezing under it?
RESPONSE: A Crumpled $5.00 Bill
I feel for you about the graduation bit. My DH and I were
still dating when I graduated from college. My MIL was furious
about my graduation. I think it was because none of her children
graduated college (there is nothing wrong with that, IMHO), and
she can't stand anyone who "achieved more" than them.
She tried to tell my DH that I only invited him to "rub it
in his face". He didn't listen to them, and attended,
but of course they refused to come. I didn't even get a "Congratulations"
from them when I saw them 2 days later. By the way, I wouldn't
have stayed in that non-heated guest room I would've gone
to a hotel! How awful.
RESPONSE: A Crumpled $5.00 Bill
Ugh. If the ILs are so worried about spending money on heat
to make you feel physically comfortable when visiting them, perhaps
you should "do them a favor" and not visit them at all.
My FIL always wants us to visit and stay overnight. His home
is a 2 1/2 hour drive away, so it's easy enough to make excuses
not to stay overnight. We drive back home late on holidays
and other family occasions. FIL and his second wife own a
house that some would easily call a mansion. There's plenty
of room, but the guest room beds all stink of stale cat urine, and
the linens and drapes are musty from years of not being washed.
They have money, but are very "frugal" about investing
in help. Unfortunately, they also don't seem to keep up the
house and grounds on their own. The stench is so profound
that you can smell it in the air. The hardwood floors are
covered with fine dust, and animal hair. And, the valuable
oriental area rugs are frayed and pungent with neglect. In
the kitchen, you can feel the soles of your shoes gently sticking
to the unclean floor. DH and I have avoided overnight visits
for years now. The bottom line is that no matter how much
my FIL dreams of "sharing" his ample space with his children
and grandchildren for occasional weekend visits, I don't want my
DD sleeping in cat pi$$. Last time DH stayed there overnight
(fortunately, DD and I had another family function we'd committed
to with MY side of the family), he found BED BUGS in the guest bed!
BUGS! I thought bed bugs went out with indoor toilets and
washing machines! Anyway, I've come to feel that if FIL wants
us to stay for overnight visits, he has to do his part in making
it comfortable and welcoming, and I don't feel guilty about driving
home because he chooses not to offer decent, clean digs for his
own family! I suggest that you look at your situation similarly.
Good luck.
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Worst gift: My worst
gift from my monster-in-law was a frying pan with a note to tell
me to quit nagging my husband. I wish I were allowed to use
the pan to cause her bodily harm.
Signed - Frying Pan
RESPONSE: Frying Pan
I'd have wanted to use it on DH, too, if he had been complaining
to MIL.
RESPONSE: Frying Pan
Short, but hilarious! Doesn't it feel good to speak your mind??
Thanks for a laugh.
RESPONSE: Frying Pan
Giving you a snipe-y note and a weapon at the same time? What
is she, a masochist?
RESPONSE: Frying Pan
I would give her the frying pan back with a note saying, "Stop
nagging me!"
RESPONSE: Frying Pan
Did you show the note to your DH? I would make him get an
explanation from your MIL as to what the note means. You may
already know, but he needs to hear it from his mom.
RESPONSE: Frying Pan
Yes, that would be tempting!!
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Worst gift: Mine is
a reverse bad gift story. I gave the bad gift to my MIL.
I was getting tired of getting all of this useless, thoughtless,
cheap garbage that I didn't ask for, so I thought that I would get
a little revenge. My MIL never throws anything away or returns
anything, so I knew that whatever I would give her would live on
forever. I like to paint and make crafts, so I took this round
paper mache box and decided to give it an ugly makeover. I
painted the bottom part of the box a very shiny black, and the top
a metallic gold. It actually looked kind of nice, and that
wouldn't do. So I glued large, gaudy, plastic jewels around
the lid and around the bottom of the box. It was so tacky!
I made a sachet out of lace and some really, really strong cinnamon
potpourri (I burned my nose because it was so strong), and put it
inside. When the time came on Christmas to open presents,
I just kept giggling knowing that I had made this hideous creation
that she would have forever. I thought about the time that
she shoved a check in my face and rudely said, "You never told
me what you wanted for your birthday," or the time that she
complained, when I asked for a bookstore gift certificate, that
she never went to that store. Then, there was the time that
she gave me a $2 wallet that I didn't ask for, or the bracelet that
looked like it was made for a child (and it would obviously not
fit my wrists). My memories made any guilt disappear.
Then, she picked up the familiar looking box and I almost couldn't
contain myself. She took out the awful looking box, and while
she was examining it I blurted out loudly, "I MADE IT!",
so that I wouldn't laugh. She just kept looking at it and
gave one of those, "Oh, nice," responses that you give
when you really want to say, "What about this hunk of junk
could possibly have made you think of me?" I laughed
about my secret revenge for days. Years later, I went over
there and saw it in her 2nd bedroom (a.k.a. - junk depository).
I knew that she'd never throw it away. I had a really good
laugh about it again.
Signed - Tired of Junk
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
I'd try that with my MIL, except that she'd re-gift it AND tell
the recipient that I'd made it.
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
That is funny! I hope things get better between you.
She sounds like she could actually get to like you, but is gift-giving
impaired. Maybe this will shock her into improvement!
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
Good for you!!
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
Good for you! Revenge is sweet, isn't it?
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
Good girl.
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
I think you are putting your energy in the wrong place. My
ILs give me all sorts of cr@p that I just throw away. But,
why bother going out of my way to give them junk, too? I choose
to spend very little effort and energy on them at all, and spend
my energy on my positive relationships. Well, that's what
works for me - maybe you should try it and see what you think.
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
Did that stop the junk giving to you? Fantastic. I think
I should do something like that, although MIL buys me what I ask
for. She only does it to cover the idea that she hates me.
Making something is the perfect cover because they cant say, "What
the HE!! is this? And you can say, "I made it just for
you!"
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
Loved this story of turning the tables! Just think, any time
MIL pi$$es you off, you can have the last laugh by planning another
gift-creation for the junk depository!
RESPONSE: Tired of Junk
Good one!
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Worst gift: For Christmas
one year, while every other daughter, aunt, female cousin, etc.,
received beautiful pieces of jewelry, I received an automatic bubble
blower!
Signed - Bad Gift from
MIL
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
I hope you told her that you were grateful she was so modern as
to give you a sex toy.
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
Noooo! Did you keep a straight face? Sometimes, when
people are that mean, they make themselves look so ridiculous that
it's difficult not to laugh. Can you imagine what everyone
else there was thinking at such a crass gesture? What an idiotic
woman. I'd use it in her house - bubble mixture can stain
bed linen you know, but you were *so* enthusiastic, heh, heh, heh!
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
I would've said, "Thank you, MIL! Now I have something
to blow into your ear when you need a brain refill!"
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
Wear your bubble blower like a pendant to a family gathering (hehehehe).
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
So this year, give her a crane-game stuffed animal.
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
Bubbles instead of baubles.
RESPONSE: Bad Gift from MIL
HUH????? I thought I had heard it all, but your MIL is a loon!!!
What did everyone else think of this? What did she offer as
an explanation?? I don't see how you CAN explain doing that
away, but I would like to know how she tried. I hope SOMEone,
if not one of the other women, at least your DH, called MIL on this
slap in the face. I am still sitting here in shock.
Come on over to the boards and tell us more about this one, please.
It is amazing!
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Worst gift: Last year
for Christmas we got a box from my MIL with presents for my husband,
my 2 year old daughter, my 1 month old son, and me. First,
we pulled out a doll for my daughter. The hair was knotted,
and it was SO dirty! Of course she wanted it, but I had to
clean it first! For my son, she put in a package of those
window shades for our van. They had been opened, the suction
cups were caked with dirt, and one was missing. Next came
a jewelry box for me from a home catalog cosmetics company (that
she sells herself). Inside was a rhinestone bracelet.
It would have been pretty, except almost all the rhinestones were
missing! That was all that was in the box, and my husband
was pretty bummed that he didn't get anything from his own mother.
Lo and behold though, a few minutes later, a HUGE spider came wandering
out! I knew that MUST be his present! UGH! This
year we're going to tell her not to send us anything!
Signed - The Garage Sale
Leftovers
RESPONSE: The Garage Sale Leftovers
Is MIL (a) poor, (b) stupid, (c) nuts, or (d) all of the above???
RESPONSE: The Garage Sale Leftovers
My ILs love to go through their attic and pass off their old junk
as a "gift". I've stopped wasting energy on it -
the stuff goes straight to the garbage can.
RESPONSE: The Garage Sale Leftovers
LOL!!! Too funny. You didn't tell us that your MIL had
a sense of humor. LOLOL!!!
RESPONSE: The Garage Sale Leftovers
Yuck and Double Yuck!!!
RESPONSE: The Garage Sale Leftovers
Okay, yeah, that one really sucks. How can she give away garbage
to her grandkids, and still feel good about herself?!?! She's
just so wrong!!
RESPONSE: The Garage Sale Leftovers
Oh, my. Doesn't she know that it's illegal to send live animals
through the mail? Sorry, bad joke. Next time, if you're
unfortunate enough to receive another booby-prize package from her,
don't open it in front of the kids. Don't even tell them that
it has arrived. Check the contents of the box before you decide
whether to give her "gifts" to your kids. And, with
presents like that, had I been in your DH's shoes, I'd be happy
to be left out.
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Worst gift: Our engagement
gift was simply beautiful - it was a two-piece soapstone carving
of a mother rhino and her baby. I fought off terrible feelings
of guilt, because, even though I thought the gift was sweet and
lovely, part of me felt annoyed at the symbolism - mother and baby.
I felt like it might be a subtle message of some sort, one to let
me know that I will never really be a part of the picture, as far
as she's concerned. Well, that feeling has borne out.
MIL and I might actually have been friends if we had not become
in-laws. As her DIL, though, she has done and said many hurtful
things to and about me personally, and has done intrusive, perverse
things to sabotage our marriage and our parenting. Any potential
for a constructive, truly loving relationship between us has been
long since made impossible by too many offenses and breaches of
fundamental, basic trust. I have little doubt that if MIL
could get DH to crawl back into her womb, she would. Fortunately,
hubby doesn't seem to have any interest in being there!
Signed - Not One of the
Rhinos
RESPONSE: Not One of the Rhinos
She is a horrible MIL, without a doubt. But it's too much
to look for something nasty in the gift.
RESPONSE: Not One of the Rhinos
At some point, pull out that old present with the mom and baby and
thank her again for it. Say, "Whenever DH and I look
at it, it always reminds us of our family and our children."
RESPONSE: Not One of the Rhinos
Honey, I thought something totally different when I first began
to read about that gift - that the mother rhino might symbolize
you, and the baby, your future child. That, of course, would
be sweeter if you are hoping to have children! It might not
mean what you think. Maybe they just hoped you'd think it
was cute. But, as you said, she's already done hurtful things,
which puts a different spin on any gift she gives you.
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Worst gift: My 22nd
birthday was a couple of months ago. My husband is an only,
and very spoiled, child. MIL finds any excuse to buy him things.
Well, she called me and told me that she was going to get me a printer
for my "husband's" computer (that I never use) for "my"
birthday. And, she also brought a small gift bag that contained
the corny little things that she keeps in her closet for last minute
gifts (she has shown me this several times while giving other people
these things), which included an old portable video game, and an
old plastic phone that didn't work. To say the least, I felt
a little neglected, once again.
Signed - A Little Neglected,
Once Again
RESPONSE: A Little Neglected, Once Again
Some people SUCK at gift-giving, so either leave her a wish list,
or buy something nice for yourself. And, she might get better
at choosing for you as your married life ripens.
RESPONSE: A Little Neglected, Once Again
Well the printer was your gift. Why don't you sell it and
buy yourself something with the proceeds? If your husband
wants it, he can buy it from you.
RESPONSE: A Little Neglected, Once Again
Don't EVER expect the same treatment as DH from MIL, or you'll be
sorely disappointed. If he's a spoiled, only child, the pattern
was set a long time ago and isn't apt to change. I relate
to your feelings, as I sometimes feel jealous of the attention/gifts
my DH gets from his family. I lost my brother, father, and
mother by the time I was 36, and have only one living relative -
a very old aunt. I always try to remind myself not to be envious
of what DH has just because I don't have the family attention that
he has. Instead, I try to be thankful for what I do have -
my fond memories, and particularly, the things I've accomplished
for myself. This might help you, too.
RESPONSE: A Little Neglected, Once Again
The Christmas and birthday gifts I get every year are ones for my
DH, too. My DH loves his computer, and I really don't go on
it much. So, for MY birthday, MIL gave ME a gift certificate
to a computer store. On Christmas, all the gift tags read
"To DS and Wife", but they were all personal gifts for
him! Nothing was for the house or for us. I understand!
RESPONSE: A Little Neglected, Once Again
I'm sorry to hear that. One thing that might help you just
resolve it in your mind is to stop hoping it will change.
Just write her off as someone who will be thoughtful to you on holidays.
Expect her to give you something shabby, and try not to let it make
you feel bad anymore. I hope you have at least a couple of
other people who give you thoughtful gifts. But, if you don't,
get yourself what you wish she'd gotten you! Be a thoughtful,
kind friend to yourself. These are the tricks I try to use
- you'll still feel badly sometimes, but you deserve to be cheered
up!
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Worst gift: My fiancé
and I are getting married soon. For the Christmas that was
less than a year before our wedding, MIL got me a monogrammed bag
with my initials on it. Those are my maiden name initials!!!
Signed - Those Are My
Maiden Name Initials!!!
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
For some MILs, hope springs eternal, I guess.
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
Passive Aggressive MUCH?
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
Sorry, but your MIL was absolutely correct in how she had the bag
monogrammed. There are worse IL problems in the world than
that.
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
Actually, that's the proper traditional etiquette! Towels,
everything monogrammed in a couple's home is traditionally monogrammed
in the woman's birth initials. And, you shouldn't use your
married initials before you're married.
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
What an insulting dig! That's just like my MIL. Right
after taking vows with my husband, my FIL asked me, "So, how
does it feel to be MRS. So-and-So?" Before I could
respond, my MIL said sarcastically, "Well, she's only one of
lots of Mrs. So-and-so's. It's not like she's the only
one." I just replied that the name was new to me, and
I was proud of it. And, my husband says that I compete with
his mother. HA! It's the other way around. In
your situation, I just would never use the bag, and find every opportunity
to use your new married name around his mother!!!
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
Your MIL may not have been being nasty, just correct. Traditional
etiquette actually dictates that monogrammed gifts given to a bride
bear her maiden, not her married initials. I don't know why
that should be the case, I only know - from a childhood of reading
Amy Vanderbilt and Emily Post - that it is so.
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
Maybe she thinks you are going to keep your maiden name? Maybe
she had a "brain Burp"? Maybe she likes those initials?
It could NOT be that she is secretly harboring a hope that the marriage
will not happen, is she?
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
As a married women who kept her maiden name (I did not change to
my DH's), I don't see a problem with this. After all, you
were not yet married to her son at the time that she gave you the
gift, so what is the problem? I do not think she was intentionally
being malicious, unless there are other details that you left out.
I still have monogrammed bags with my maiden initials on them, and
whether or not I changed my last name, it would not stop me from
using these items. BTW, I am not a MIL. My POV may not
be popular, but I am just being honest.
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
She may not have known whether or not you were changing your name.
Also, it *was* before the wedding.
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
I don't think that is too bad, actually. It would be a nice
heirloom with your birth name on it, for your children and grandchildren.
Bu,t I hope she does not do it again!
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
Can you get the bag fixed to have your new initials on it?
That would surely dig her when she saw it again!
RESPONSE: Those Are My Maiden Name Initials!!!
That's not too bad. You can't go by your married initials
until you are married.
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Worst gift: My MIL gave
me a farting stuffed dog for Christmas because it reminded her of
me.
Signed - Reminded Her
Of Me?
RESPONSE: Reminded Her Of Me?
OMG, no question, that takes the cake!
RESPONSE: Reminded Her Of Me?
Thanks for the laugh! If it were me, she would really be in
for it next year - try stores that sell gag gifts.
RESPONSE: Reminded Her Of Me?
What a horrible thing to give ANYONE, even somebody you like and
who would know it's a joke. Goodwill or re-gift are about
your only options. Or, try an online auction.
RESPONSE: Reminded Her Of Me?
I would try to find an either burping or farting stuffed pig, and
give it to her. Tell her it reminds you of her.
RESPONSE: Reminded Her Of Me?
Well, at least now you can eat baked beans and oat bran when she's
around, and not worry.
RESPONSE: Reminded Her Of Me?
Did you look at her and say, "Oh, how nice!"? What
a mean jerk!! I am sorry she did that. I hope your DH
got on her case.
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Worst gift: For my wedding,
my MIL got me a circa 1960's cookbook. It was the one given
to her from her MIL when she married. She gave me the same
instructions that DH's grandmother gave his mom, "You WILL
learn how to cook for MY son!" I would have thought it
a joke if she wasn't glaring at me while I opened it. The
funny thing is that DH has always been the cook in our house.
;-).
Signed - Gotten Over
Her By Now
RESPONSE: Gotten Over Her By Now
I hope you get the opportunity to enjoy gloating as you perhaps
occasionally dine on DH's sumptuous meals in MIL's presence!
Be sure to let her know how LUCKY you are to have married such a
wonderful cook! DH will appreciate the compliment, and it
will make Mil's stomach turn - a two-for-one victory for you!
RESPONSE: Gotten Over Her By Now
One day, when DH and I were engaged, we were talking about what
foods we liked and disliked. I mentioned that, even though
I love my desserts, I've never liked pie. MIL started glaring
at me and said, "Well, MY son loves pie. So if you're
going to marry MY son, you'd better learn how to make it and better
start liking it." I feel your pain!
RESPONSE: Gotten Over Her By Now
Maybe your DH learned to cook because his mother really can't.
And maybe she was glaring at you because of her own failure.
RESPONSE: Gotten Over Her By Now
Your story was almost kind of sweet, until she came across so threateningly.
My husband is also a great cook. Live your life and forget
your Mil's outdated ideas!
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Worst gift: My MIL is
financially very well off. In the past, when she did get me
a present, it was either something broken or very naff from her
own house (e.g., manky, 80's style coasters, or a random item that
you can get for free if you send the tokens off). Nowadays,
the item that I receive from her on a fairly regular basis is a
framed photo of herself. The first one was fairly small, in
a discreet frame (that I placed on the bookcase). I didn't
particularly want it on display, but I didn't have a valid enough
excuse for my husband as to why it shouldn't be. We then received,
over the next year, three more framed photos of her. We then
decided that we should pick "the best one", and put only
that one on display. This year, for my birthday, I received
a 4 ft. by 3 ft. portrait of my MIL in "country rambling"
mode. I wonder where I will put it. My first thought
is that an oil painting would burn excellently on a bonfire.
This, however, may be politically incorrect. Maybe I can hang
the picture in the lounge, put a poster over the top, and remove
the tasteful poster to reveal the horror only when the dreaded beast
herself comes to stay. Talk about "big mother-in-law
is watching you". Why can't she just go away and leave
me alone!!?
Signed - Big Mother-In-Law
Watching Me?
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
Creepy! I think that she should reap what she's sown.
Give her some pictures of yourself. Give a few with DH, but
most without him. If she gets snippy about it, just use a
false-sweet voice and say, "But, I just looooved the pictures
of you that you've been giving me for years. I just thought
I'd return the gesture!"
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
That is sooooooo weird. I wonder what her motivations are?
Maybe you are right. Check for cameras in the picture.
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
Check for tiny pinhole cameras in the frame and in the eyes of the
painting. And, definitely cover it. Or put her/it in
a closet or back room where there's nothing to watch.
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
Stick it to the underside of the toilet seat!!!!!
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
If you are getting the pictures of her, then what is she getting
her son? A little picture may be ok. But one every year,
what is she thinking? And then she gave you a 3 X 4 ft oil
painting of herself besides? This is extremely strange.
That seems like something you would only give to your spouse.
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
You are not obligated to hang that thing anywhere in your home.
Once a gift is given, the giver has no say in the matter.
Don't hang it. Put it in the attic or in your basement.
Thank MIL. That's all she needs to know. If she asks
about it, tell her that you don't know what to do with it because
it's too big.
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
What in the world is she? Is she so in love with herself that
she thinks you and everyone else wants to look at her face in each
room of the house? I wouldn't put them up at all, especially
the 4ft one. What a wierdo!
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
Surely your husband doesn't expect you to hang that thing?
How tacky - narcissism at its finest. I think your idea about
the poster might be the best, unless you have the nerve to return
it to her and tell her that you don't have room for it.
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
Oh my! I wouldn't hang that thing on my wall for the world.
And, if she asks about it when she comes, tell her that she should
consider hanging it in her own home. Tell her that the portrait
doesn't fit the design of your interior.
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
LOL! That almost sounds like a "Seinfeld" episode.
That would be truly distressing to be inundated with such pictures.
Yes, you could hang something over it, except when she comes over.
Why don't you ask your DH where it should be hung, and let him deal
with it? And, you definitely have the right to quietly take
all the previous pictures down and put them in a closet somewhere
- even my grandmother only used my RECENT picture, not ALL my pictures!
Such confidence she has, to assume that you want a huge picture
of her!! Why doesn't she just keep that one herself?
RESPONSE: Big Mother-In-Law Watching Me?
Oh my, is this woman FULL of herself, or WHAT??? Who in their
right mind thinks ANYONE wants a near-life-sized portrait of them
in their home?? Does she give gifts like this to others, or
are you and DH the "privileged" ones? I don't know
WHAT to tell you as to where to put this monstrosity. She
is SURE to miss it if she visits, and it's not on display.
But there is NO WAY to haul that up and down from the attic every
time she stops by without breaking your back! I keep thinking
of "The Portrait of Dorian Gray." Keep an eye on
that picture, and see if it gets uglier with age! I think
it's time to convince DH to have a talk with MIL to let her know
that anything framed that's larger than 8" in either direction
(unless it's a Picasso or something) is TOO BIG!
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Worst gift: I have been
happily married to my husband for 3 1/2 years, but I cannot get
along with the ILs. It seems that since I married DH, my MIL
tries to compete with me. I have to let you know what I have
received as a Christmas gift every year since we were married.
We received a roll of garbage bags, a box of generic crackers, generic
ear swabs (I only use name brand ), about 5 boxes of gelatin (which
isn't Sugar-Free, and I am a diabetic), generic chocolate chip cookies,
3 rolls of paper towels, 1 package of toilet paper, a box of popcorn,
and foam plates. I feel like MIL thinks I cannot take care
of my DH. Also, I thought you would like to know that she
buys all the gifts at discounted scratch and dent stores where the
products are damaged. Would any one have a good idea what
I can buy MIL as a gift? I would love to do the same as she
does for me, but I don't know how she would handle that. HELP!
Signed - Unusual Christmas
Gifts!!
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
Buy her some diet pills!
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
Wrap those gifts right back up and give them to HER on the next
gift-giving occasion! Tell her that you know she'll appreciate
the fact that since you already had (or couldn't make use of) the
gifts that she gave you, you didn't want them to go to waste!
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
Get her the same thing she gets you, only make it brand name!!
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
Get a gift certificate for a better discount store. When she
exclaims her joy and surprise, tell her that from the gifts you'd
received in previous years, it just seemed like she needed a little
help.
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
Maybe you should try getting her something that you would like her
to get you. If you return "unusual gifts" for "unusual
gifts", she will not get the point. Her "gifts"
do seem quite tacky!
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
First of all, try to not let her get to you. Just put all
that junk into a grocery bag and take it to a charity. They
will be glad to have it. In fact, you could donate it in your
MIL's name. Let them send a note to her. Don't lower
yourself to her level by giving "her kind of gift".
Give a nice, but not really expensive gift. And, make sure
that it's wrapped nicely. I can't help but to wonder if maybe
there is a money problem, and that's the best that they can do.
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
I know, it is hard to believe that people actually do this, but
I know a MIL who unabashedly gets dent 'n' bent gifts for her DILs
and everyone else. Once, for Christmas, she gave a bent-up
damaged container of hair dye. How insulting is that?
"Please change your hair to ANY color other than the one you
have, DIL." But, I digress. Don't worry about getting
her similar gifts - that would be a waste of your energy, and would
just ratchet up the hostility. My advice is: Work out
a deal with your DH where he always picks out the presents for his
family, and you pick them out for your family. And, sign the
cards (in both cases) from both of you. Let him deal with
his own family! I used to get my ILs presents, but I think
they like the ones my DH gets better anyway.
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
Get your monster-in-law a simple nightgown from a lingerie store.
But make sure it's about 2 sizes too small. This will make
the gift nice and thoughtful, but at the same time it will be completely
useless. If she says that this is not something she will use,
just respond by telling her that everyone sleeps, and you always
thought she was classy. Take the high road, and let her make
a fool of herself. The size can be just a "miscalculation",
and she probably won't admit to being a bigger size. Otherwise,
I suggest meat products.
RESPONSE: Unusual Christmas Gifts!!
I would not reciprocate in kind. You do not have to spend
much money to get a gift for her that looks better than what she
gives you. I would get her, year after year after year, the
same gift of a body wash/soap gift set, and I would over-decorate
it with ribbons and such. You can pick them up inexpensively
at discount department stores. You will look better, but your
lack of care will be communicated with the repetition of gifts.
Good luck.
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Worst gift: I recently
received my (late) birthday gift from FMIL. She got me "Cooking
for Rookies". What a joke, considering that my father
is a chef!!! The cookbook has recipes on how to make a salad.
She needs that book, not me. I should wrap it up and give
it to her for Christmas. Also, another worst gift was from
my FGMIL, who gave me ONE towel for my shower. I guess they
have not realized that there are two of us. All I could do
was laugh.
Signed - Sweetpea
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
You can wrap it up and give it to her. When she opens it say,
"I liked the copy you gave me so much, I thought I would get
you a copy too."
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
I think you should get the fanciest recipe you can from your dad,
and fix it for your MIL. Tell her you got the recipe from
your dad, who is not a rookie. As for the granny, rip the
towel in half and place your initials on one and DH's initials on
the other. Then, place both towels in view in your bathroom.
Then, invite both of the instigators over for a feast!!!
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
She sounds like she doesn't know you at all. Maybe she just
didn't put two and two together ("um, my DIL is from a CHEF'S
family, so, she can probably COOK!"). You can quietly
give the book to charity (or sell it on the net).
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
There's a book written for people just starting out on their own
called "Where's Mom When I Need Her?" Maybe you
should get that one for your MIL. Or, get a case of hamburger
dinner mix and salads in a bag. Apparently they haven't invested
any time in getting to know you.
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
You'd think people would be embarrassed to be so rude and petty,
wouldn't you? Your MIL and GMIL didn't even have the sense
to realize that they only made themselves look stupid!
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
She gave you a cook book, and your dad is a chef? Dang!!
What the he!! is her problem? She is a very, very bitter woman.
Get a really, really ultra hard and fancy cookbook, and make something
wonderful. Feed it to her, and tell her that you got the recipe
from a cookbook. She'll assume that it came from her dinky
little thing. Then you can say, NO!, and, pull out that fancy,
fancy one!! And say that the other one is too easy!!!!!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: Sweetpea
You could say (in a joking manner) that you two had a lot of fun
taking a shower together, and then wrapping up together in the one
towel. That should "cover" it well, and you should
never have that particular problem come up (arise )again.
HA. And, since she isn't a good cook, but your FIL is, get
a cook book for your MIL for the next gift giving occasion.
And, get one that is maybe a little (or a lot) over her head.
She was putting you down with the beginner cook book. She
probably won't ever use it, so try to find a cook book at a discount
book store. If she's thin, get her a dessert cook book.
If she's overweight, you could get a cook book with low fat recipes.
Let her know that you and she share an appreciation of good books.
Just don't take it too far. To keep from wasting money on
a cook book that may not ever be used, observe the FIL to see what
he may like. Good luck.
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Worst gift: I am not
complaining about this, because I have no right to after reading
everyone else's dollar store horror stories. But, I AM confused
and need someone else's perspective. I loved my engagement
ring - it was a beautiful solitaire with a white gold band.
However, during our engagement, the white gold started to turn yellow.
When we started looking at wedding rings, I felt like every band
I tried on detracted from the beauty of the solitaire. Together
with my DH (then fiancé), I decided that rather than add
a wedding band, I would have my engagement ring redone in platinum,
and add some side diamonds. I designed it myself, and I'm
proud of it. My husband thinks it looks great. I'm not
a big jewelry wearer, so I like only having the one ring.
My MIL knows all of this. Recently, she gave me her mother's
wedding ring. I was very honored that she wanted me to have
it. However, when she gave it to me, she said, "There,
now you don't have to be running around without a wedding ring."
I ignored the comment and started to put it on my RIGHT hand.
She said, "No dear, it's meant to go with your engagement ring
on your LEFT hand." I went along with it because we were
having a nice moment (rare!), but it didn't match my ring at all.
I thought they looked odd together, and it was way too much ring
for one hand. She said, "Oh it's perfect!", and
then told me how happy her mom would be that I was wearing her ring.
I can't tell if she gave it to me because she really wanted me to
have this nice family heirloom, or if she just really thinks I should
be wearing a wedding ring! I'm also supposed to hide it from
my SIL so that her feelings won't be hurt that she wasn't given
the ring. Yikes! This gift has so many conditions.
Is it truly a gift???
Signed - Is It Truly
A Gift???
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
What a sticky situation! I suggest that you wear the ring
however you want - on your right hand. If that doesn't suit
her, return it to her and tell her that you and DH designed your
wedding ring exactly the way you two want it. Sheesh- nowadays
people are wearing so many beautiful styles, why does she care that
your ring is unique?
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
It's a very nice gesture on your MIL's part. She probably
has trouble with your "nontraditional" (but perfectly
acceptable) idea of one ring instead of the clunky and cumbersome
two that many of us live with. But, since your SIL isn't supposed
to know that it's an heirloom, go ahead and wear it where you want
to. It's now your ring, and it's definitely your hand.
It doesn't match your wedding ring, no matter how beautiful the
sentiment behind it.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
It's obvious that you can't wear that ring, so tell MIL that it
breaks your heart to keep the ring that SIL so dearly wants.
And, it would be selfish of you to keep two rings, while she had
none. Say that you won't take no for an answer. Hug
her, and then leave.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
I'm not sure if it was just meant as a thoughtful girt or not.
Only your past experiences with your MIL can tell you that.
I personally don't think she meant anything by it, other than to
be kind. Or, maybe she's overly critical of her son, and was
pointing out some perceived error. It depends on how you look
at it.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
No, it's not a gift, it is a control mechanism. Obviously,
your MIL is bothered by your "unconventional" wedding
ring. I would develop a terrible rash from her ring, and offer
to give it to your SIL. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
I would tell MIL right away that you deeply appreciate her touching
gesture, but that you are just not comfortable with the idea of
having such a precious, sentimental item that has to be kept as
a secret from another family member. Ask her if she might
prefer to give it to SIL. Better yet, have DH tell her, and
let HIM handle it.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
Give it to SIL.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
Thank your MIL in a nice way. Then, tell her that, although
you appreciate the thought, you and your husband like the ring the
way that you had it designed, and that's the way that you will wear
it. If she wants to take the ring back, that's alright.
Maybe she has someone else who she could give it to. She's
trying to control what you wear in the way of a ring. As a
joke, you could tell her that you will just wear it in your nose.
I am a MIL myself, and I told my DIL that she was going to benefit
a lot from the things that I had to deal with from my MIL, not to
mention from my SILs. My DIL and I get along just fine, and
we are good friends. If you let your MIL get away with the
ring thing, it could be just the beginning for you. You need
to nip it in the bud now, and let her know that you will not be
manipulated by her. Just be sure that you word it carefully
so that it will not cause a rift between the two of you. It
could bring you closer together, once she realizes that you are
an adult and capable of making your own decisions. It's not
easy to "let our kids go", but we must do that once they
are all grown up (and, especially once they're married). Good
luck to you.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
Boy, that's a tough one. First of all, if you and your husband
are perfectly happy with your wedding ring, don't let anyone else
be involved in changing that. Your MIL butted in where she
didn't belong on that issue. However, the fact that she gave
you her mother's band must have some significant meaning.
She must really think a lot of you to give you something as sentimental
as her mother's wedding band. If I were you, I would have
a nice talk with your MIL and explain to her that you really appreciate
her giving you the ring, but you are more than happy with your own.
Tell her that, as it stands, your ring holds great sentimental value
to you and your husband, and that it will not be changed.
Let her know how much you appreciate the other band by telling her
that you will keep it in a safe place, and will take care of it.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
No, it is not. A true gift is given unconditionally - kind
of like true love, ya' know? You could give it back, you could
keep it and not wear it, or you could wear it on your right hand
- whatever you want. I, too, chose to have only one ring.
DH (my fiance at the time) bought an emerald for my ring because
I have green eyes. He later purchased two diamonds, and I
designed the ring that was made especially for me. DH expected
to give me an additional wedding ring, but before our wedding, I
gave him my engagement ring back with the instructions, "Please
have our wedding date engraved on the inside of the band.
Please don't let me see this ring again until our wedding, when
you put it on my finger." It is now my wedding ring.
I love it, and we have been married 9 years!!!
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
Wear it on your right hand anyway. Simply explain, if MIL
asks, that it fits better on your right hand, and it is more comfortable
there. I think her efforts are genuine, and I am sure you
don't want to end up battling like others of us on this site.
I got an ice-scraper for Christmas one year, LOL. As for your
SIL, I would look at that as a "don't ask, don't tell"
situation. If she doesn't ask, I wouldn't tell. But,
if she recognizes it and DOES ask, do NOT lie to her. Let
MIL take the heat for it, and don't lie to SIL (because blood is
thicker than water). So, I am always cautious when it comes
to that mother/daughter relationship (MIL/SIL).
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
If it was meant to hint that you should wear a wedding ring, you
wouldn't have it. She would nag and nag and nag about wedding
bands until you were blue in the face. This was meant to be
an heirloom, and she probably thought she was doing you a favor.
Perhaps she thinks that the two of you needed to repair your engagement
ring, and didn't have the $ to buy a band. If you don't want
to wear it, don't. Or wear it on your right hand. If
she asks why, say it needs to be sized, and it is too precious to
risk losing it. Then, say that the jeweler didn't recommend
sizing it because there is not a lot of metal there, and it might
break.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
One idea: When you get your ring back, you could wear it and
put the other ring in your jewelry box (or in a safe place).
You can talk privately to your MIL, casually, about how you are
trying to be sensitive to her wishes that your SIL's feelings not
get hurt, but you value her ring greatly - you treasure it - and
are keeping it safe. It sounds like her wish that you hide
it from your SIL will give you the perfect excuse to wear your original
ring, instead of that one.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
Unless MIL disliked her own mother, I can't think of a higher honor
a DIL can receive than to be given a piece of jewelry by her MIL
that belonged to HER mother. However, she shouldn't put conditions
on the gift, like telling you which finger to wear it on.
If I were you, I'd just make a point to wear it when you see her
(yes, on the left hand). Any other time, wear it only how,
when, and if you want to. As for SIL, if MIL didn't tell you
it was a secret, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If SIL
becomes jealous, that's between her and MIL, and is not your problem.
If necessary, you can gently tell her so.
RESPONSE: Is It Truly A Gift???
Since it has that "string" attached, and it doesn't go
with your ring, I would wear it on a chain around your neck when
around MIL, and not at all other times. If she surprises you
and you don't have it with you, you could say that you value the
antique too much to wear it while doing (whatever). If she
asks where it is, and you have it inside your shirt on a chain,
I would tell her that she said not to let SIL see it, and so you
felt that was better accomplished by hiding it that way. However,
if it had stones set in it, I think what I would do is wait till
MIL doesn't see the ring, and asks why. Then tell her that
you think one of the stones is loose, and you didn't want to chance
wearing it and losing the stone. She will probably want the
ring back to have it checked, and you may never see it again.
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Worst gift: I had my
first child a couple of days before my own birthday. Now,
my MIL never really acknowledges my birthday (maybe once or twice
over the last decade with a nice card or small gift). But,
this time she called and made a big deal about coming over to give
me a present. She likes to put on a "show" for other
people, and my parents were staying with us to help me out with
the new baby. So she arrived with a huge box containing an
XXL black sweat-suit and a children's character slippers.
She said that she thought I needed some "comfortable clothes".
I couldn't make eye contact with my mom when I opened it because
I thought we'd both burst into hysterical laughter. Then,
there was my first Christmas with DH's family where she said that
she wanted to buy me something "really nice and personal".
So, she consulted a personal shopper. Yeah, now that's putting
some real thought into a personal gift - get some overpaid stranger
to pick something out! The gift was a hideous blue velour
pants outfit (I could never figure out if it was pajamas or evening
wear). And, she left the tags on so that I could see that
she spent $$$. But, my worst gift ever had to be the MATERNITY
UNDERWEAR for Christmas. She apparently thought this was a
great gift, because she did the same thing for my BIL's wife when
she was pregnant!
Signed - Stylishly Outfitted
DIL
RESPONSE: Stylishly Outfitted DIL
Maybe the personal shopper could have helped her pick out a CLUE.
RESPONSE: Stylishly Outfitted DIL
Do you feel that she wishes you well and wants to have a good relationship
with you, and is trying (even though she's clearly not very good
at it) to please you? Or do you feel it is not really this
way? It's hard for me to tell from your post. Some good
people are astonishingly lousy at gift-giving. But, you know
whether she means well towards you or not? You know the WHOLE
story!
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Worst gift: My MIL is
well known for her gift giving. Last Christmas, I received
a banana hanger. Great, that was just what I needed.
Then, when I said, "I wonder if they have ones for grapes?"
She said, "Oh, I will see if I can find one." Last
week, for my birthday, I got a skirt and a jumper. Fine, until
my husband told me that they used to belong to his dead grandmothers!!!!
For our wedding present, we received a lovely set of Australian
animals place-mats. I can't wait till this Christmas, hmmm.
Signed - Banana Hanger
RESPONSE: Banana Hanger
Is she really mean, or just really bad at gift giving? My
now dead GM was the smartest person in my life, and loved me dearly.
But, for some reason, a woman with a Ph.D. was an awful gift giver.
There was no ill will in her gifts, only love. But, I had
to return, give away, or throw away a lot of her gifts.
RESPONSE: Banana Hanger
I guess you have other reasons for condemning your MIL's "gifts",
but I think a banana hanger is quite a nice present, actually.
It would be a 100% improvement on anything my MIL has given me over
the years. To each their own.
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Worst gift: Don't think
this will "top" the best stories here, but the following
is my experience: My BIL and his (now ex-) wife married one
month after we did. For Christmas, MIL gave us both manicure
sets - I believe my former SIL did actually ask for one. I
was shocked to hear MIL repeatedly talk about what a coincidence
it was that we both asked for the same thing!!! I never asked
for anything. I could not care less about manicure sets.
As an artist and an art teacher, I clip my nails regularly, because
I work with my hands so much.
Signed - Some Manicure
Tools Do, However, Make Interesting Art Tools
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Worst gift: Let's see,
one year I received a framed greeting card in a picture frame that
was broken. I took it apart to find that it was addressed
to "X from Y" - neither name was that of a family member
or a friend. The matting was two tone-faded, and just over
all nasty. Another gift was a bunch of clearance clothes that
were multiple sizes too big - like 4x sizes (obviously, she's hopeful
that I will grow into them). For my birthday this past year
I received two identical bathroom trash cans - still with the $.99
sticker on them. She has, by no means, struggled to get by
as an RN. But, I can expect to receive something broken, "on
clearance", or "used" for any occasion. I can't
even donate half the items to the charity. It's just embarrassing.
I'm surprised that she doesn't give me the clothes from ER patients
who had to have their clothes cut off them, "Ya know, you could
sew these and they'd be good as new."
Signed - 500 Miles Isn't
Nearly Enough Distance
RESPONSE: 500 Miles Isn't Nearly Enough Distance
I have a GREAT idea - why not rewrap these useless pieces of junk
and give them back to MIL on the next gift-giving occasion!
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Worst gift: When my
husband and I celebrated our 15th anniversary, my in-laws sent my
husband a card that read: "Happy Anniversary, Son".
On the inside they wrote, "If you divorce your wife, we will
put you and the children back in our will." We are celebrating
our 35th anniversary this year, and my husband and our children
(their only grandchildren) are not in their will. They had
my husband, an attorney, write their will, so there could be no
doubt about it.
Signed - I Can Match
You Story for Story
RESPONSE: I Can Match You Story for Story
Disgusting! You don't need their money - you have their SON!
RESPONSE: I Can Match You Story for Story
What a bunch of @ssholes!
RESPONSE: I Can Match You Story for Story
Oh - My - God. I have never heard of such unnatural hatred.
After 15 years they sent that card? Unbelievable. There
is a special place in he!! for them.
RESPONSE: I Can Match You Story for Story
I would smirk at them. Thirty five years of happiness is worth
way more than $$$.
RESPONSE: I Can Match You Story for Story
The next time she mentions that your DH and children are not in
the will, say, "We don't care about your money."
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Worst gift: My MIL lavishly
presented me with a cheapie dress one year while she was on her
yearly "4 week stay" with us. As she handed it to
me, she said that if the large didn't fit, then she could give it
to my SIL. P.S. My SIL probably weighs about 50 pounds
more than I do.
Signed - Cheapie Dress
RESPONSE: Cheapie Dress
I would've said, "It doesn't fit. It's too big, so SIL
should fit into it perfectly!"
RESPONSE: Cheapie Dress
If you don't like your SIL, encourage her to do it! (evil grin).
RESPONSE: Cheapie Dress
Maybe she meant that the dress might be too big for you. And,
if so, it might fit your SIL. I gather that your MIL does
plenty of other obnoxious things. This would be mildly annoying.
But if that's the only "transgression", you're doing ok
with your MIL, I'd say!
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Worst gift: My MIL has
never sent me a present for my birthday or Christmas, and I have
been married for 5 years. This is my husband's second marriage.
After his divorce, his mother told him that she didn't want to get
to know any of his future wives, and she meant it. She still
sends cards and gifts to him, but she acts as though I don't even
exist. I wonder what will happen when we start having children.
Signed - The Wife Who
Wasn't There
RESPONSE: The Wife Who Wasn't There
Consider yourself lucky! Sometimes being ignored by a MIL
is better than all the negative attention, intrusion, insults and
other interference many other wives get from their MILs! It's
true, though, that when there are kids in the picture, it could
take a turn for the better OR worse. I would tell DH that
he should be prepared to make sure MIL treats you with respect in
front of any children you have together.
RESPONSE: The Wife Who Wasn't There
I think you should thank your lucky stars that she's not bugging
the he!! out of you. She sounds like a real whacko, but it
could always be worse if she was poking her nose into your lives.
RESPONSE: The Wife Who Wasn't There
I understand that your MIL is trying to stay away, but why?
What does your DH think? If your MIL is a decent person, then
your DH should do everything possible to have his mom accept you
in her life. Maybe she needs counseling to deal with the loss
of her first DIL.
RESPONSE: The Wife Who Wasn't There
You cannot help this situation, but your husband can. He can
refuse gifts, cards, invitations, etc., until you are included.
Some people would not go where their dogs are not welcome, and you
are his wife!
RESPONSE: The Wife Who Wasn't There
It seems that she is taking out her disappointment with the other
wife on you. I have heard people talk like that after their
son's longtime girlfriend broke up with him. And, afterwards,
when he found a new girlfriend, they said, "Well, he's been
fooled before, so we will see about this one." Like,
the new girlfriend could help what the old girlfriend had done?
The problem does not really lie with you, since you haven't met
her (or was she present at the wedding?). And, thus, you could
not have done anything to upset her. She is just a sad person,
and she is the big loser in this game.
RESPONSE: The Wife Who Wasn't There
At least it's not personally directed towards you. You know
she'd treat anyone else in your place the same way. It's not
ideal, I know. But, if you wish you could see a bright side,
just think - at least she isn't in your hair, giving you all kinds
of aggressive, unwanted advice. At least she's not mean to
you! At least she's not always watching you like a hawk, and
judging you. If only you knew all the outrageous, anger-inspiring
behavior you're lucking out on missing! Just peacefully write
her off, if you can. And, treat her with quiet kindness when
you see her (if you ever do). But don't put pressure on her
to acknowledge you. Enjoy the peace!!!! What happens
when you have kids is a total wild card. But, even if she
totally ignores them, that might be better than what some of the
DILs on this web site have to put up with from their MILs when they
have kids! Best wishes.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives