Dr. Terri Apter
Terri Apter, Ph.D. is a psychologist at Clare Hall, University
of Cambridge. She lectures and broadcasts widely, both in the U.S.
and Britain, on family and work
In 1990, she published Altered Loves: mothers and daughters during
adolescence which was hailed by The New York Times Book Review
(where it was listed as a Notable Book of the Year) as, "simply wonderful
- a fresh vision that blows away old stereotypes, dated theories, male
biases and familiar patterns of blame. It is a model of lucid research
and writing." The reviewer, psychologist Carol Tavris, said,
"I heartily recommend Terri Apter's book to anyone who is, knows,
was or will be a participant in [a mother/daughter] pair ... Altered Loves
does not minimize the inevitable fighting between parent and child, but
it beautifully illuminates the warmth."
Her next book, Working Women Don't Have Wives: professional success
in the 1990s (1993) was described by Kirkus Reviews as, "a
thoughtful analysis of
an extraordinary complex problem, as well as a concise summary of feminist
thought over the past four decades: of appeal to anyone interested in
understanding the feminist revolution," and The New York Times Book
Review wrote, "she touches a resonant chord ...Working Women Don't
Have Wives provides a useful focus on the sources of the enormous resistance
that makes change so difficult."
Even at an early stage, her work on midlife women was seen to be of enormous
importance, and, to conduct her research, she was awarded the prestigious
three year Betty Behrens Research Fellowship at Clare Hall, Cambridge.
The results of this research are revealed in her new book Secret
Paths: women in the new midlife which was described in The New
York Times Book Review as "lively and revealing ... Apter also provides
insightful passages on the balance of power as it shifts in midlife marriages;
on love and disengagement in the relationship between midlife women and
their mothers; and on the nature of love and experience as they apply
to women at this time in their lives."
In The Confident Child, Terri Apter focuses on the challenge
of raising children. This book has been described by Publishers
Weekly as a "convincing, well-written and truly helpful guide ...
Here is a book that takes the vagueness out of the notion of self-esteem
and suggests concrete ways for parents to help their children like themselves
and feel confident about their abilities to deal with the world around
them." This book won the 1998 Educator's Prize awarded by the
Delta Kappa Gamma Society.
by Dr. Terri Apter
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by Dr. Terri Apter
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Altered Loves: Mothers and Daughters During Adolescence.
Altered Loves is a frank, moving and insightful examination of girls'
adolescence and their continuing, but changing needs for a close relationship
with their mothers. The strife that characterizes this period is
actually the result of trying to renegotiate a valued relationship.
Widely acclaimed, and chosen by The New York Times Book Review as One
of the Notable Books of the Year, Altered Loves explodes conventional
myths and theories about mother-daughter relationships and offers new
and valuable insights that will help mothers remember and daughters understand
the delicate, painful and complex process of becoming a woman.
Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife.
Drawing on detailed interviews with women in their forties and fifties,
Apter finds that women in midlife undergo a series of changes through
which they gain a newly powerful sense of their own identity. She
sees midlife as a time where women gain greater control over their decisions
and a strengthened sense of their potential. Whereas other writers
have seen midlife for women as a time dominated by biological changes
associated with menopause, Apter looks at midlife passage through women's
psychology. She debunks the myths associated with women's fear of
aging and decreased attractiveness. Whereas once this was thought
to cause anxiety and depression, Apter finds that women deliberately negotiate
an acceptance of who they are physically, and resist cultural images that
marginalize them. This resistance can be a starting point for greater
freedom. While "midlife crisis" for some men is associated
with a last-ditch attempt to hold on to their youth, for women it is an
attempt to refocus their energies for the future.
Secret Paths is a must for every woman's journey into midlife and beyond.
The Confident Child: Raising a Child to Try, Learn and Care.
Raising confident, motivated, and caring children is a parent's greatest
challenge. Children who believe in themselves and have confidence are
known to experience future successes, to be less frustrated in learning,
to show overall higher performance. This sage compassionate and
practical guidebook shows parents how to help their children acquire self-esteem
building skills and offers parents a plan for learning how to discipline,
communicate and deal with their children's emotional life.
In an accessible style, with down-to-earth examples of children's lives
in the family and in school, Terri Apter shows parents how to raise a
child to solve problems, to be socially active and understand others,
to express feelings appropriately, and to manage emotions - all of which
are crucial skills in developing confidence.
Every parent and caring adult should own a copy of this necessary parenting
A Literary Guild and Doubleday Bookclub choice.
Winner of the 1998 Delta Kappa Gamma International Educators' Award
Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls and Women's Friendships.
Three Rivers Press. (with Ruthellen Josselson)
Friendships shape girls' development and women's lives - often as much
as parents do, but the impact these significant others have is usually
ignored. But each friendship makes its mark on our psychology.
Behind the most powerful woman is a girl who wants a friend, and a girl
who has learned to be terrified of a friend's abandonment and betrayal.
Mothers of adolescent girls dread the onset of the friendship wars, yet
find themselves quite helpless in these situations. One reason mothers
have difficulty helping daughters withstand these battles is that they
miss the fact that these issues stay with them. Particularly as
women increasingly work together in organizations, old ways of scuffling
for place and recognition, for love and loyalty seem to pervade the experience
of life at work.
Remembering is hard, because the early experiences of friendship are so
raw with emotion. A woman's understanding of her own emotional journey
through friendship is a valuable asset. It is through these perils
and disruptions that lie the "pure gold" of girls' and women's friendships.
Book of the Month Club