Age: 24 MIL Age: 51
Bismarck, ND, USA
My ILs are all white trash, and my FIL is the king.
My DH and I were talking about how it would take a week of Jerry Springer
to bring to light my lovely ILs. Anyway, the story goes:
My father has just been diagnosed with lung cancer (non-smoker, 65).
We think they caught it really early because he had no symptoms, except
for an unexplained pain at the top of his abdomen. I came home
upset and told my husband this. Anyway, a few weeks earlier,
my DH asked my FIL to a baseball game. He didn't really decline,
but he sounded like he didn't want to go, so we made other plans.
My DH, after finding out about my father's illness, called my FIL
and told him that he would like to have breakfast on Monday before
we leave to come back home. He left this message on the answering
machine, and my FIL called back. Now, FIL doesn't know how to
talk to women. He's been divorced for 20 years, and his conversations
with me are really weird. I don't like talking to people who
sound like they are forced to talk. So I usually just ask if
he wants to talk to his son. And the answer is quickly, "yes".
So the conversation begins: 1) First FIL tells DH that he's
upset because DH made plans for the Baseball game he didn't want to
go to. My DH quickly said, "So, Dad, I need to clear my
entire schedule with you?" FIL said, "No, I didn't
mean that, but ..." which means yes, you do have to clear it
through me. Just a couple weeks ago, he called and DH was not
home (he usually ends accusing me of blocking calls and keeping his
son away from him). 2) The conversation moves quickly
to, "So when are you coming out?" He said, "Father's
Day." I can't stand this man for three reasons: 1.
He is accused of molesting his daughter and another little boy.
2. I am middle management in a federal organization, and he
once told me that women shouldn't manage men because they are not
capable of making sound decisions. 3. He, on numerous
occasions, has encouraged my DH to divorce me because I am a man hater
like his ex-wife (white trash MIL). I like to know when he's
coming out so that I can tell my boss to give me a lot to do and to
prepare him for my crabiness. He says he's coming on Father's
Day. Well, my DH and I are going on vacation to watch DH and
SIL (my brother's wife) run Grandma's Marathon. He just invited
himself along. My parent's hate him (because of how he talks
to me) and want nothing to do with him. So, I know that if I
tell them he's coming, then they won't come. That, and he is
utterly rude during stuff like this. I had injured my knee a
few years ago and we climbed Pikes Peak. He traversed way ahead
and kept yelling for me to keep up with him, and made comments on
what kind of shape I was in. I weighed 115 at that time.
I ran, biked, and swam. But, because of my knees, I couldn't
go down hill very well (I was fine going up the mountain). My
DH quickly pointed out that last year he had to be helicoptered down
and needed oxygen because he wasn't capable of making it up, and DH
walked with me the whole way. I'm afraid that this is going
to happen again, seeing as I am scheduled for arthoscopic knee surgery
two weeks before the marathon (I'm only a spectator). 3.
Finally, DH made up some lame excuse to get off the phone. I
asked him when FIL was coming. He said that he was going to
come at the end June or the beginning of July. That is when
my parents are planning on coming to see our new house. Well,
my conclusion is that I get it from both sides.
Signed - FIL From He!!
I just thought of another MIL story from long ago to
include in my frequent fry her section. My husband and I were
married between my junior and senior years of college. I had
decided to stay at the college I was at through my first year of marriage
(which was about 900 miles from where my husband lived.) My
junior and senior years of college I had accumulated some debt, through
the purchase of a computer, and in paying for a wedding. It
was approximately $3000. For the first summer of our marriage,
I got a job, and my entire income paid a good portion of the debt
off (in those times about $500 or so). In the fall I started
school, and my grants and loans exceeded my college tuition, so I
paid the remainder of the credit cards with that money, and my husband
sent me money to live off of. It was expensive, and both of
us were barely able to afford to put food on the table. I rarely
went out, and never spent money frivolously. Well, it came time
for graduation, and my MIL, SIL, my folks, and my husband were all
present for it. My DH and I had paid off just about everything.
I was telling my parents that, and my MIL interrupted and laid into
me about how much fun I was having in college, while my husband was
back at home suffering and barely making ends meet, because of my
credit card bills that I had accumulated before we got married.
I flat out told her that I pay my own bills, and my DH had not given
me one red cent for the credit card bills. He gave me enough
money to eat and for gas. He and I could not afford to have
extra money. Furthermore, it was none of her business.
Signed - I
Pay My Own Bills
RESPONSE: I Pay My Own Bills
Well, first of all, never let the family know
all your business - then they won't have anything to comment on!!!!!!
RESPONSE From Poster: I Pay My Own Bills
Believe me, I was not trying to tell her our
financial problems. It was a private conversation between my
mother, myself, and my husband (my mother had loaned me money to help
pay off some of the bills. We were discussing arrangements to
pay the rest of it off). She jumped in with her "poor baby"
routine. My mother was really, really upset, and rude to her
My mother-in-law came up for a visit with my SIL, grandma,
and cousin. She kept saying how talented my SIL is, and how
she's going to be the next Britney Spears (even though she could stand
to lose 100 lbs). We were talking about goals, at one point
in time, and I mentioned how much I would like to write a screen play
and go to the Oscars (not necessarily at the same time). She
laughed and said my goal was unachievable and ridiculous.
Signed - Like
To Write A Screen Play
RESPONSE: Like To Write A Screen
It's too bad your MIL was so unkind and dismissive
about your dreams. The time may come when she wonders why you
don't open up to her more, and trust her more with what's on your
mind and in your heart. That's what happened with me and my
MIL -- I used to confide in her, but she showed so much disrespect
for my thoughts and feelings that I have a whole different (much more
careful and closed-mouthed and superficial) way of relating to her
now. Anyway -- I admire you for having the dreams that you do.
More power to you!
RESPONSE: Like To Write A Screen Play
Typical MIL response. If her son had said something
equally ambitious, she probably would have patted him on the head
and said, "That's my boy."
My MIL told me before we got married that she was very
particular on what she considers "cute babies". She
told me in front of my husband that if our children looked anything
like my husband, that he/she would be an ugly baby. I said that
I happen to think all babies are beautiful. Later that night,
I told my husband that I thought that was a little mean. He
said that she had always told him that, and I was thankful for my
Signed - Ugly Baby
RESPONSE: Ugly Baby
Ask to see her baby pictures, then make an appropriate
I received a full scholarship to college, and my parents
saved up for my education. They said I could have the cash they
saved, or a really nice wedding. I chose a wedding. I
picked out a really beautiful place to have the wedding that was quite
expensive. I figured that you get married once, so go all out!
My MIL wanted me to curb my spending on the wedding because her daughter
wouldn't be outdone. My H is in the military, and only had 30
days of leave between graduation and starting work. So, we were
getting married during those 30 days. We told my SIL that, and
she decided to get married 14 days afterwards. We had to plan
our moving, honeymoon, and everything else around her wedding, and
the marriage didn't even last 6 months. My MIL was livid that
I spent so much, and my SIL was jealous because everyone was talking
about my wedding at hers.
Signed - Everyone Was Talking
About My Wedding
RESPONSE: Everyone Was Talking About My Wedding
I can't believe she planned her wedding 14 days
after yours. If your IL's don't understand what an important
day your wedding was, and begrudge you the joy it brought, I don't
know what you can do to change it. At least you have the satisfaction
of knowing what a wonderful day it was. Even though your SIL
tried to steal some of the spotlight, it sounds like she didn't succeed.
I can understand your frustration at this amazingly thoughtless action.
My husband and I got engaged and planned our wedding one year ahead.
Six months later, my SIL announced that she was having her wedding
three months before ours. Unfortunately, all my DH's relatives
live far away, and could only make the trip once. Most of them
came to SIL's wedding and not to ours. It was very upsetting
to DH. What I have learned, in the eleven years since, is that
it was only the beginning. We had the first grandson, so my
SIL said she had to have the first granddaughter (everything is a
competition for her). Unfortunately, it didn't work out her
way. She also had a boy. I was reluctant to call and tell
her when our second child was a girl. Now, we have a son and
two daughters, and she has two sons. They are currently looking
into a procedure to guarantee the next baby will be a girl.
We don't see much of them. I hope that you fair better with
your IL's throughout your marriage. Mine have only gotten worse
with time. My marriage would be blissful if it weren't for them.
If you have a video from your wedding, I would find excuses to play
it for your MIL and SIL as often as possible, just to remind them
what a lovely day it was despite them both.
||Worst gift: Posted:
The worst gift my MIL ever got me was NOTHING! She made it a
point to give my husband a card and $200 for every birthday, right
in front of me. This was just birthdays. For Christmas,
my spouse would get these big, extravagant gifts, and I would get
nail polish. What bothered me most about these gifts was that
they were only things he could use, like new skis. It sounds
petty, but it really hurts when you are sitting there with (not a
top brand name) Nail Polish and your husband gets really large gifts.
I sure hope she won't do that to our grandchildren. My parents
handle Christmas much better. We each get an outfit, an ornament,
a couple gift (something we both use), and $100 cash. I know
my MIL is not as well off as my parents, but at least she could make
me feel a little less left out.
Signed - Nail Polish
RESPONSE: Nail Polish
Of course it hurts. You are not being
petty at all. The worst part is that your MIL is deliberately
trying to hurt you. What does your husband think about this?
Have you told him how you feel? Your MIL is just plain mean,
and does not have any manners whatsoever. I hope you don't take
her behavior personally - as you can see from this website, there
are many more like her out there. These women can't seem to
let their baby boys go, and the DILS pay dearly for it. I don't
know how you could approach this, other than to discuss this with
your husband. If my mother did that to my husband, you can bet
I would have a very long talk with her. I hope your DH feels
this way too.
RESPONSE: Nail Polish
My gosh, I could have written this one!
My MIL does the same thing. I guess mine is a little more giving,
though. My son gets $20 and DH gets $200, (LOL). But,
no, you are right. It isn't about the gifts. It is the
insult and the ridicule they do. My mom does the same as yours,
too (so I can totally relate!!). When I shop for holidays and
so forth, I always bought everyone equal amounts so no one would feel
left out. But I put a stop to that. I told DH that he
could do the shopping for mummy dearest from now own (knowing he wouldn't).
Well, guess what she got for Christmas this past year??? NOTHING!
Serves her right. She also has not seen her grandson but 2 times
over the past year. I finally put my foot down, after 7 years
with this D%$#A**! You need to also. I wouldn't go near
her during the holidays and birthdays. Tell hubby you don't
need that kind of ridicule and insults. Make your own plans,
and don't invite the witch for stew! If hubby must get together
with her on his BD and Christmas, let him go alone. But stand
your ground, because it doesn't get any better!!