Age: 31 MIL
Fry Her TM.
- The Fish 1 of 4 /Posted: 10-FEB-02
The Betrothal. MIL was VERY angry when she
found out we'd be getting married. See, DH had been married
before. And, in MIL's book, the ONLY a reason a husband and
wife ever get divorced is when the man has an affair. Therefore,
DH MUST have been screwing around on his first wife. Therefore,
it is HER responsibility not to support him and offer him an ear
during his time of crisis, but to harangue him and tell him what
a horrible man he was for FORCING his wife to leave, and that he
was a TERRIBLE father. I could go on, but you get the picture.
So, DH asked me if I wanted to go with him when he goes over to
tell MIL and FIL that we were getting married. Ummm, let's
see - NO! You get to do that one all by yourself, buddy boy!
So, DH, being the chicken he is, took the kids with him, presumably
as a buffer. So, he went in and told mommy dearest.
FIL was not home. And, you know what mommy said? In
FRONT of her ONLY grandchildren, she FORBID DH to have any more
children with me (yeah, and YOU get a say in that WHEN?) because,
get this, "You don't love the ones you have." And,
then DH had to explain away her words to his children the rest of
the evening! What a b!tch!!!! It doesn't matter who
she hurts, as long as she hurts her son. I'm not sure what
I was more angry about - her presumption that she actually gets
a say in MY procreative activities, or the fact that she just really
confused the cr@p out of her grandkids.
Signed - The Fish
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- The Fish 2 of 4 /Posted: 10-FEB-02
Here's the story of the first time I ever met my future
MIL. I was still DH's girlfriend. We'd been dating for
about 6-7 months at the time. I knew it was going to be kind
of odd, because DH didn't talk to his mother very much. My oldest
stepdaughter, then 11 or about to be 12, kept telling me that grandma
doesn't like anybody. I remember the previous fall, that MIL
and FIL had gone on vacation. I knew they had come back, and
I was urging DH to call her to say, "hi". See, at
this point I thought she was normal, and that everyone had a relationship
with their mother the way I did (or had, before she died). DH
got very angry with me, as I was urging him to call her, and said
he did not want to talk to her unless he had to. Hmmm.
Big red flag there. So, she came over (they, unfortunately,
live only 5-10 minutes away) to bring DH and the kids their souvenirs
from this trip (4 months later). So, she brought some stuff
in the house, and DH and SS headed out to her car to get the rest.
I was sitting on the stairs that led from our kitchen to the upstairs.
My SD brought MIL into the kitchen and said, "Grandma, this is
XXXXX." MIL didn't even GLANCE in my direction. She
said, in that really irritating old-lady "my way or the highway"
voice, "So is THAT the one that says your father cheats at backgammon?"
Then she turned around and walked out of the kitchen!! SD was
embarrassed, but not surprised. I was so embarrassed, that my
butt stayed glued to the step I was sitting on until the b!tch left
the house. See, the day before, we had been playing backgammon.
DH vs. me and SS and SD. It was a funny kind of game.
We were ALL cheating outrageously, and it was all in good fun.
At some point I DID call DH a cheater, but it wasn't an angry kind
of thing. It was just the way the game was going - we were all
laughing about it. This was my first lesson in kids remembering
and repeating EXACTLY what you don't want them to. And, MIL
isn't the kind to understand that. Hindsight tells me that I
probably should have called her on her behavior right away, but would
a simple "Hi" have been too difficult? Apparently!
Signed - MIL Isn't The
Kind To Understand
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- The Fish 3 of 4 /Posted: 11-FEB-02
The Wedding. I was actually pretty relieved that
MIL didn't want a thing to do with me or my wedding. I wasn't
about to consider HER feelings or wishes in my wedding plans.
As far as I was concerned, this was MY wedding, and if she wanted
things HER way, well, she could just go out and have her own again!
Keep in mind that, at this point in time, MIL had never actually spoken
a WORD to my face, not even "Hi". Sure, she would
b!tch and moan to DH, her family, and the general public about me
and my supposed transgressions. But, she never said a word to
me. It was just a way of making me a nonentity, I guess.
She referred to me as DH's "friend" right up to the point
when she didn't have a choice but to call me his wife. So, with
my mom gone, I planned my wedding pretty much on my own (with lots
of input from my mom's best friend). We sent out the invitations,
and, lo and behold, when we got the one back from MIL and FIL (which
amazed me to NO end that they bothered to respond), it said, "1
will attend". I ran around singing the hallelujah Chorus!
I knew that the "1" meant DH's dad, because he was IN the
wedding! NO MIL!!! YAY!! DH was hurt. So,
I told him to talk to her if he thought it would help. He never
did. So, I guess he wasn't THAT disappointed! As a side
note, DH's dumb @ss brother didn't come to the wedding, either (he's
local as well). Note: I said "Wedding".
He came to the reception, but couldn't "bother" to come
to the wedding. Heaven forbid he miss the party. DH's
brother (more loooong stories) is a world class pr!ck. So, I
was happy. If the old sourpuss didn't want to be there, FINE.
I didn't care. So, I was pretty disappointed to find out, a
few days before the wedding, that MIL would attend the wedding, not
the reception. The stated reason: She wanted to see her
grandkids. I had SD and SS in the wedding party as Jr. bridesmaid
and Jr. groomsman. The real reason: She realized that
everyone she could b!tch to would be at the wedding! So, fine.
She showed. 10 minutes before the ceremony, she showed.
She wore a WHITE dress (hello - only the BRIDE is supposed to be in
WHITE, you moron! It was November, so I KNOW she did that one
on purpose). She wore BLACK TENNIS SHOES! She took picture
upon picture of SS and SD walking down the aisle, but no others.
She refused to be in any pictures after the ceremony, even though
DH asked her to. She stomped out immediately after the ceremony!
The rest of the day, I was asked, "What's wrong with DH's mom?"
Or, "Why did she only take pictures of the kids?"
Or, "Why did she have such a nasty look on her face?"
I can't tell you how many times I got asked those questions!
I told the truth. She was mad that she didn't get her way, and
that DH and I were married. I had no reason to cover up for
her! At any rate, something funny happened during the ceremony
that I didn't find out about until later. My bridesmaids were
prepped. They knew how completely antagonistic my MIL had been
to me with no provocation, and planned for it! I had asked that
the minister leave out the "does anybody object" part.
Frankly, if I've gotten this far, you should have said something sooner!
And, naturally, he forgot and left that part in. So, this is
what they planned - all 4 of them turned and looked right at MIL when
the minister said this! I didn't see it, being in front of them
and all. Afterwards, at different times (weeks later), each
of the 4 of them came to me in "secrecy" and told me what
they did! I thought it was hysterical! But, here's the
thing - all 4 of them told me that, when they turned and looked at
her, MIL had her mouth open! The b!tch was actually going to
say something, but she got so surprised that she didn't have the chance!
So, the wedding pretty well went off without a hitch. DH was
disappointed that his mother behaved like a 3 year old, but, as I've
come to expect, she ALWAYS behaves like a 3 year old. I don't
know why he always forgives her. I guess it's hard to accept
that your mom is a bitch and doesn't really love you. After
some of the nasty things she's said and done to him (DH has me listen
in on the phone when she's ranting), I just don't get it. I
thought all moms loved their kids and wanted better for them until
I met MIL.
Signed - Thought All Moms
Loved Their Kids
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- The Fish 4 of 4 /Posted: 12-FEB-02
MIL makes fun of DH's and my education. MIL is
very blue collar. There is nothing wrong with that, either.
But, it's necessary to say to see why this pisses me off. I
grew up in a white collar house, so my normal is VERY different than
MIL's normal. DH's brother and sister are blue collar, as are
MIL and FIL. DH, from all accounts, was always considered "different"
by his family. He's one of those kids that you can not figure
out how they turned out the way they did, based on their parents/family.
DH is the first (and so far only) person in his family to get a college
education. He's now a VP at a bank - so very NOT blue collar.
But, MIL isn't in the least proud of her college graduate son.
She harangues him all the time, "What we have wasn't good enough
for you, was it?" She brags on her other son, who holds
a menial job at the local water plant - he's had THE SAME JOB for
23 years! I guess in her world, that means he's a success.
In my world, it tells me BIL is lazy. And he IS lazy (he's lived
with mommy and daddy for 41 of his 43 years, if THAT tells you anything).
SIL is a secretary at a big local company. To hear MIL talk,
SIL owns the place. But, her son, the legitimate VP of a bank,
is the black sheep, the loser. My education is also held in
contempt. I have 2 master's degrees. It's just a fact.
I do NOT brag about it or tell people about it unless asked (and,
even then, I only mention 1 of them). But, MIL (the ONE time
she spoke to me) told me that I was a snob, and thought I was better
than everyone else because I was educated. And, SHE wasn't going
to "kneel down" and worship me just because I have more
education than SHE does. I could go on, but you get the picture.
I happen to LIKE school (having 2 teachers as parents will do that
to a person). Both of my parents had 2 masters, so I wanted
to at least equal them. Plus, at least 1 master's is necessary
in my field. I didn't get these degrees for snob value, I got
them in increase my earning power! How DARE this uneducated
(high school dropout) woman make fun of MY hard-earned education?
What the he!! is up with that? I worked my ass off for those
degrees, and am proud that I was able to do so. But, I certainly
don't hold my diplomas in her face and demand that she respect me
for it! DH is proud of me. My dad is proud of me.
And, my family is proud of me - even FIL is proud of me (he slipped
me $200 on the sly the day I graduated with my first one, and told
me not to tell MIL!!). So, why does SHE make a big deal out
of it? I certainly don't.
Signed - Why Does SHE Make
A Big Deal Out Of It?
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