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Sykadelic
Age: 27    MILAge: 43

IL Drama - Not Just MIL

First a little background:

I met my DH online in 2007. I am Australian by birth, and in mid-2009 immigrated to the US to marry my USC (now) husband.^ We married in my husband's home state in late-2009.

I have no family in the US outside of my husband.^ We initially lived in a different state from his family, when I first immigrated, but in 2010 moved back to his home state, as my husband finished school and he prefers his home state.

frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - sykadelic/Posted: 18-JUN-11
There are days when I forget that I have ILs.  And, then, there are days when I can't ignore that I do.

I've never failed to be nice to them.  If I run into MIL, I say, "Hi," because I don't want to be rude (but, I don't seek her out).  Little SIL needed to borrow my iPod cable, and, though I haven't heard from her in close to a year, I agreed when she texted asking to borrow it.  She had FIL return it.  She couldn't even be bothered delivering it herself.  I should mention that we live around 5 blocks away from them.  It's less than a 1 minute drive, and maybe a 5-10 minute walk, depending on your gait.  Older SIL is graduating from college.  So, again, although I am only texted when she wants something (and, she can't get a hold of DH), I sent her a text congratulating her.

FIL is nice enough, but he doesn't really talk to me.  Could be shyness, could be that he doesn't know what to say.  But, that hurts a bit, as well.

I came to the realization that my interaction with my MIL and SILs is like dealing with the snooty popular kids in high school.  I feel anxious just dealing with them:  knowing that my every move is judged; that I'm talked about as soon as I leave; and that they think they're better than me/us at anything they do.  But, that's only when dealing with them.  The rest of the time, I feel like that puppy dog that gets kicked for no reason.  I tried hard to be nice when dealing with them, and I just feel betrayed by being ignored.

I used to think about what it would be like when I moved here with my husband and got married.  I actually recall thinking about how little SIL and I might go to movies, occasionally (big SIL, whom she likes to spend time with, is several states away), or just spend time together chatting and what not.  That was stupid, now that I think about it and our situation as it is now.

I feel very brokenhearted about it all.  The only good thing is that DH knows, and agrees, with how I feel about MIL and little SIL.  He hates MIL more than I do.  But, he still thinks older SIL is nice (she's not my kind of people - she's vapid).

I don't regret marrying DH, because I love him, and he's great.  But, I do often wish my family was here.  It would certainly take the edge off.

I don't suppose there's any real point to this, except to vent about how bad I feel, some days, to have in-laws that couldn't give two-sh!ts that I'm alive.  I know it could be worse.  I know they could be meddling.  I know my DH could be on their side and not mine.  But, it doesn't mean that I don't wish that I had that family connection with the only "family" I have in thousands of miles.

        Signed - Brokenhearted
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - sykadelic/Posted: 4-JUN-11
I realized something today.  I refer to FIL as my FIL when talking about him, and I just thought I should introduce myself as his DIL, but I've never FELT like a DIL.  Is that weird?

There's an event on tomorrow.  A small country town event thing, and I'm sure FIL will be there at some stage (MIL too, probably, but I try to pretend she won't, so I don't worry about going).  My accent usually has people asking who I am, where I'm from, how I got here, etc., etc.  That's when I thought that this time I'll introduce myself as FIL's DIL, and how I've never felt like that.

DH and I have been married for 18 months.  We have lived in the same town as the ILs for 12 months.  But, because DH is avoiding MIL (just hit the year anniversary of not talking to her, at the end of May), there is no "family time".  FIL DOES visit sometimes, but it's always just fleetingly and usually to help DH with something, or to ask DH to help him with something.  He might say, "Hi," and what not, but I still feel like a stranger.  There is no getting to know me, no support.  Ugh, it sucks.

I wish I wasn't such a baby about it still.  I wish I still didn't get upset and tear up that I'm a nothing to them.  I wish we could have family events or get togethers, or go places together, or go shopping with them or SOMETHING.  Instead, I'm a nothing.  And, even if DH forgave his mother (which will probably never happen, as he's very stubborn, and she's done a LOT of bad stuff over the years to him), it wouldn't be a storybook relationship anyway.  It would probably be exactly the same as right now, except I'd be subjected to the cattiness, snide comments and general poisonous nature of his mother and SIL.  So, . . .

        Signed - I Suppose I'm Better Off
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - sykadelic/Posted: 22-FEB-11
Part 1:  I don't know if this counts as a true MIL story (because it's not a b!tchy story).  But, here goes:

I've taken to reading the archives.  It's helping me to read other people's stories and find new ways to deal with the MIL issues.  I've noticed that, 99% of the time, DILs are writing the stories about their DH's mother.  Why is that?  Maybe guys just don't care enough to come to the site to vent?

So, it got me thinking, objectively, what is MY mother like to my DH?  What are my family members like for my DH?

I immigrated to DH's country, so my mother and other family members are, of course, in another country.  DH has only met my older sister, and her husband, in person.  The rest of the family (mum, dad and my little brother) have "met" him online.  Changing countries did cause issues in the beginning, sort of, because mum was pretty upset that I was leaving the country.  I'm a big support to her.  She laid on the guilt pretty thick, though mostly to me, and I'm impervious to it.  My sister (older by 2 years, and married) has been pretty bad about trying to guilt us into visiting.  I don't think that's her intention, but any time DH talks to her, the first thing she says is, "So, when are you going to come to Australia?"

He's admitted to me that this is putting a lot of pressure on him.  He's the only one of us who's working, at the moment, and he feels the stress of not having the money to fly there right now.  Not to mention the time accrued for holidays off work, a mortgage and other bills.  It's making him not want to talk to her.  I talked to my sister, and told her exactly that.  She might have been upset, probably was, but I never made my DH out to be the bad guy.  I told her what he said, and told her that he works hard to support us and our family (we have a puppy) and it stresses him out.  I told her that we WANT to visit.  We're not actively NOT trying to come, and can she quit it.  So she did.

My mother doesn't call DH directly.  It's not exactly cheap, and she does talk to him when I pass him the phone.  But, her accent (just a regular thick Aussie accent) confuses him.  My dad isn't well, and his accent is worse than mum's, so he doesn't talk to him much, either.  DH talks to my BIL when they play online games.  The same goes for my little brother.

My family doesn't get involved or b!tch and moan that we don't spend enough time there (which is currently zero time there).  Mum's a lot better about not crying every time I talk to her, and I talk to her maybe once or twice a month now (was more in the beginning).  DH doesn't have to deal with my mother (or family) popping over.  My ILs don't need to worry that we prefer, or spend more time, with my family.

So, that raises the question of what would it be like if we were in their country?  My sister and her husband are in my home country with my family, but live about 3 hours away from my parents.  One instance that comes to mind is that, recently, BIL did comment that any time they visit, mum ALWAYS hugs my sister first.  Even if BIL enters the room first, apparently MIL will push past BIL to hug sister first, and THEN hug BIL.  I know that mum doesn't like BIL very much (he's pretty cold and distant, and ALWAYS plays on his computer when he visits).  He was also caught saying something bad about Dad under his breath, but didn't realize that mum heard him.  But, I can't say that I've ever heard sister complain that mum is rude to him, or is in their business too much.  Mum DOES sometimes talk bad about him to sister, when he's a particular butt, and mum DOES resent (though doesn't say it) that sister has not spent ANY time alone with her since she's been with BIL.  Sister always drags BIL to the family house, can't even spend a night alone without missing him desperately and needing to call and talk to him for a couple of hours.  It's a bit codependent, really.

I think that the reason mum does not like BIL much is because, when BIL and sister were dating, sister used to tell the family things that BIL had apparently talked about or complained about, but it was actually what she wanted to say, and didn't want to get into trouble for.  Stuff like, "BIL thinks your tee-shirts are too short," is one she said to me.  I was confused about why he would have said something like that:  1.  Because they weren't always, just that particular day and he wasn't here;  2.  Commenting about my wardrobe?  So, I decided to ask BIL about it.  He had NO idea what I was talking about, and that's when I realized that sister was doing it.  She said a lot of things, over the years, including telling him that I didn't like him, and telling me he didn't like me.  That alienated the family against him.  It turned out that he didn't like me because she would tell him that I said things that I didn't like about him.  Again, these were things SHE didn't like and wanted to say, but didn't want to get into trouble for.  This, of course, helped me to realize that you should NOT complain to your family about your significant other if you want them to have a good relationship.

        Signed - He Had NO Idea What I Was Talking About
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - sykadelic/Posted: 23-FEB-11
Part 2:  Mum will say, "Give your dog and your DH a hug for me," any time we leave off a conversation.  She'll remember DH for birthdays and special occasions (Easter and Christmas).  She is, quite honestly, my idea of the near-perfect MIL.  She shows him (via me) that she cares about him and our relationship.  She doesn't call and smother us.  She doesn't try and turn me against him, or separate us.  She DID have me go back to Australia for 2 months (she paid), when dad got sick.  He didn't want me gone for that long, and I thought 2 months was too long as well.  She got all upset and teary when I said that 2 months was the absolute limit (back in time for our anniversary).  But, she was dealing with dad's sudden sickness, so I (and DH) don't hold that against her.

I once had an issue with DH's sister, and DH didn't want to get involved.  For me, his not getting involved meant not protecting me, and not supporting me.  I told him that, by NOT getting involved, he was hurting me, because it just looked like he was OK with his sister being a b!tch.  He didn't need to take SIDES, but he did need to at least support me, and not leave me to the wolves.  Of course, he did and it worked out fine.

I tell DH everything (even if I've been a cow, and telling him makes me look bad) for the reason that just ONE secret can be the undoing of an entire relationship.  I wouldn't side with my family just because they're my family, and I won't side with DH just because he's my DH.  But I will be there for BOTH sides, and make it known to them that I need to live with DH, not them.  I want my family in my life, and to not stress over whether it would be awkward to spend time together as a family with DH there.  If they want the same, they need to chill.

DH's mother is a narcissist.  Unfortunately, I'm not exaggerating.  She is.  I don't think I'll ever have a positive relationship with her.  My SILs are self-absorbed and flaky, and we have nothing in common.  So, I doubt we'll be close until they grow up a fair bit.  FIL is distant, but nice enough.  He will talk to me and say hi.  He also sent me a Happy Birthday text message, when none of the other family even remembered.

I don't really know the point of my stories/post.  I think it's important to side with your SO, but I also think it's important to be objective when it comes to YOUR family.  DH knows what his family is like, and I know what mine is like.  I'm OK with talking to mine if needed, and he's OK with ignoring his, if needed.  Unfortunately, talking to his family isn't an option.  The main thing I've learned from this site is that you NEED to know what kind of DH you're getting.  Are you getting one who supports you?  Are you getting one who's a momma's boy?  What sort of ILs are you getting.  If they're bad, are you the type of person who's able to assert yourself, or is your DH at least someone who can put forward your opinion?  Or, is it basically going to be you against your DH and his family?  If so, what are you willing to do about that?

        Signed - What Kind of ILs Are YOUR Family?
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic/Posted: 30-NOV-10
Now, on to a more personal story - it always starts with the wedding:  DH and I lived in a different state from his family, but he wanted to get married in his home state.  Two weeks before the wedding, I went to stay with his parents, and everything was fine.  They were very accommodating.  That was VASTLY different to the rest of the wedding planning time.  Being Australian, our wedding was Australian.  I'm not talking koalas and kangaroos everywhere.  I mean Aussie customs and traditions.  I saw no need to do American traditions, when the wedding is usually about the bride.  DH (then DF) didn't care either way.  I didn't even realize that there were differences until I kept getting them pointed out to me.

I was told, a few days before the wedding, that I was expected to give corsages to the mothers of the bride and groom.  As my mother was unable to attend due to various reasons, I carefully explained to them that I felt it was insulting to my mother to see something "special" done for the mothers, and she wasn't able to be there (I had the wedding videoed).  I was told that it wasn't anything special; that it was normal.  I said, as it wasn't an Aussie tradition, that when my mother saw the video she would see it as something special.  I didn't want her feeling worse, about not being able to attend, than she already did.

I planned on sending invites to individuals.  We don't do "and family" because it's rude, and because "and family" is too obscure.  I wanted to make it obvious as to who was invited, not their aunt's sister's daughter's son.  It also helps with the RSVPs and seating numbers.

I planned on assigned seating.

We wanted a small wedding, but allowed his mother to write the list of their family and friends, because DH didn't want to risk not inviting someone that should be invited.

My plans went out the window.  MIL didn't get the list to me till about a month and a half before the wedding, so sending out the invites was very hurried.  Even though we put both our emails and cell numbers on the invites, we got RSVPs from 40 of the 100 or so people who got invites.  Several of those were people calling MIL to tell her.  SIL said that she wanted to bring her friends, and she gave us 2 names.  No problem.  About 10 of her friends ended up coming.  Of the 40 people who had RSVP'd, maybe 20 came to the ceremony.  According to our food costs, 85 came to the reception.  MIL invited people from her work, even though we told her to clear it with us first.  She wrote an OPEN invitation to friends and family in the newspaper, including times, dates, and venue locations, so my seating plans went out the window.  No one wanted to dance, and the DJ left at 10:30 PM

MIL was insane with the camera.  We'd already told her that the official photographer wanted to take her photos first, so that people weren't confused about which camera/person to look at.  That did not happen.  I will say that MIL got some nice photos.

We got cards from 5 people, out of the 85 that attended.  If you include family numbers, that's less than 20 people, in total, who gave us a card.  I'm not saying that I wanted presents, it's just rude to not even take a card to a wedding!  SIL posted photos of herself, in her bridesmaid's dress, on a social site.  She called it "Shenanigans".  She didn't even acknowledge that they were from our wedding.  Because we had to feed those who were not expected to come, we ended up almost not affording the honeymoon.  The money we had set aside had to be reassigned to pay food bills.  Luckily, we got enough money as wedding presents to make it work.

        Signed - Wedding Do's and Don'ts
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic/Posted: 28-NOV-10
Now, we come to one of the most recent issues:  When DH and I moved back to his home state (6 months after being married), MIL offered for us to live with her, FIL, and 16 year old SIL, until we found our own place.  She knew we were looking for a place to live.  We, of course, accepted (little did I know it was a BAD idea!).  We moved in in April.

I, being an immigrant, wasn't able to work just yet.  My work permit and/or green card had not arrived.  I was also unable to drive, because I only had my license from my native country, and insurers don't like foreign licenses.

I was stuck around the house all day and quite bored, as you can understand.  There's only so much TV and internet you can do.  So, after about a week or so, I started doing the dishes every morning.  I also collected the mail from the mail box, changed the trash bag when it was full, and swapped it for an empty one, took their 3 dogs out to use the bathroom, and walked the dogs on occasion.  Each night, before bed, I would ensure that the dishes were removed from the living room, etc., and pick up the trash.  I did all this without being asked, thinking it was a good thing to do.

About a month after we had started living there, MIL left a note for us on the kitchen bench.  It was addressed to DH only.  I took a photo of this letter to remind myself about it and to keep as evidence.

Side note:  my ex-BF was emotionally abusive, and I've since taken to keeping logs/evidence any time I feel abused/attacked so that I remember it and don't go back to where I convince myself it wasn't "that bad".

The note said, "Don't forget snakes, etc., all your other stuff needs to be out of the spare bedroom by Saturday morning (they will have to go where you are not or give them away).  Plan on not (underlined "not") putting anything back in there, and I want to know the status of your apartment hunting - it's been over a month.  Love you, but you need your own place.  Also - the room you're in now is smelly, Love Mom".

So, that needs a bit of explaining.  DH and I have two snakes.  They're king snakes.  They're not big enough to eat children or anything like that.  They have no fangs, just razor sharp tiny teeth, and are most definitely secure.  MIL had us put them in the spare bedroom, because the movement apparently freaks her out.  She said she's NOT scared of them.  No, of course not.

One of the snakes used to be SIL's (the SIL who doesn't live at home).  DH took custody of the snake, as SIL left it for little SIL to look after.  It was quite undernourished and mean (from not being handled).  While it was living, it was no existence.

MIL wrote "don't forget" to move the snakes, but she'd never told us to that.  We knew SIL was coming to stay, for a little bit, and needed the room, so we did expect that she would mention it.  She was well aware that we were in the middle of negotiations for buying a house.  Just because we didn't tell her "no news" every day, didn't mean anything.  We always told her if there was news.

The smelly room comment ticked me off.  We were not allowed to leave the door open for it to air out.  It was a tiny room that had all her sh!t in it, and we had to keep our box turtle and hamster in our room.

We just kinda laughed off the letter.  I started organizing our room and tried to get the two snakes to fit in the room with us, her shit, and the other animals.  After DH went off to work, I hopped on a social networking site.  MIL was "friends" with me on the site, as were my two SILs.  The first thing I noticed was a status change to "knows a young couple looking for somewhere to stay" and young SIL had "liked" the comment.  I was FURIOUS!  I didn't want to text DH, because I knew it would tick him off, so I waited till he got home.

It turned out that DH had news for me, too.  The SIL, who used to own one of the snakes, texted DH, out of the blue, telling him that she was taking the snake back.  He was furious.  As far as he was concerned, it was his snake now.  They argued back and forth, via text, about how it wasn't going to happen.  Eventually, DH was able to talk to SIL over the phone.  It turns out that MIL either called or texted (can't remember which now) to tell her that we were giving the snake away!  WTH?  DH explained to her that that was not the case, and they were able to resolve the argument.

I then told him (and showed him) what his mother had said on the social site.  He was even further incensed, but told me the line that I've grown to despise, "Oh well, that's what she's like."  We just never mentioned anything, and moved the snakes before the deadline.

I (or DH) mentioned once to MIL about all the stuff I'd been doing around the house.  Her reply was, "None of that benefits me.  That's FIL's job."

Fast-forward another month.  It was a public holiday (end of May).  I usually awoke at 10 or 10.30 am each morning.  My alarm went off at 10 am, and I was snoozing when DH walked in.  I thought it was sweet that he was coming to make sure I woke up.  That's not why he walked in.  He had just received a text from his mother stating, "The dishes need to be done, lawn needs to be mowed.  We don't have the luxury of sleeping and mooching all day."  Followed by, "The move out deadline was 1st June, hope you have something lined up."  We'd never been told about a deadline, and, the night before, MIL had cleaned out the fridge and left ALL the food storage containers, WITH food in them, on the bench near the sink.  I took a photo of the sink, too.  DH replied with "F*** that.  We did it last time and it's not our mess."  She replied, "Don't tell me to F*** off."  She also wrote a text about him bringing "a stranger into my home", and how we never did any cleaning around the house.

Her best message was, "Get out!  If you're not out by the time I get home, I am calling the sheriff and having you arrested for trespassing."  DH never replied to that message.  We called around, and had a friend take the snakes and other animals.  We moved in with MIL's mother (GMIL).  DH has not spoken to MIL since then, the 30th of May.  I have spoken to her, via text message, when a reply was required to a text she sent DH, and once in person when I took a visiting friend to meet FIL.  MIL was home, so I didn't want to make my friend uncomfortable by leaving.

She refuses to apologize, and I'm being made to feel like we're invisible.  FIL keeps saying, "That's what she's like," and that DH should know that that's what she's like and stop waiting for her to apologize.  DH said that he is done.  Even if she was to apologize now, he probably wouldn't accept it, because she waited too long.

        Signed - She's Like That Because You LET Her Be That Way!
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic/Posted: 26-NOV-10
We moved in with GMIL (MIL's mother), when MIL kicked us out.  Turns out, cruelty runs in the family.  Long story short:  She kicked my puppy.  Made all the worse that my puppy was 10 weeks old and recovering from an attack by another dog (she also insisted that I rescue this dog from where we got it).  She told DH that I "needed to learn how to be a wife".

She didn't wish me happy birthday, even after DH walked in with a huge "happy birthday" balloon and she asked who it was for.  So, she knew it was my birthday.  The day after my birthday she told DH, "Your wife is lazy.  She did her dishes and not mine."  DH did the dishes from lunch the day of my birthday, so when we went to dinner and a movie that night, she wouldn't be inconvenienced.

She would invite people over (including her deadbeat son, who's our age) and give them our food and drinks.  She was constantly stealing our food, especially eggs and bread.

When DH offered to vacuum (I tried a few times, but she watches TV 24/7 - she is on oxygen, so she rarely leaves the house), she told DH, "Your WIFE (emphasis included) needs to learn how to keep house.  Your WIFE needs to learn how to be a WIFE.  Your WIFE needs to do something."  She refused to allow him to vacuum.  If I didn't do it, no one was allowed to do it.

She released our puppy from her kennel (we were out, and she was still toilet training) and left the room open.  Her dog came in and peed on our bed (we were sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags).  She blamed us, because our puppy was making noise and refused to apologize.

She told us that her landlord told her we needed to move out at the end of the month or she would be evicted.  It's a small town, and DH ran into her landlords that same day, at a store they owned.  There was no mention of us moving out, just that GMIL needs to pooper-scoop for her dog and not leave it on community property.

This does not relate to us, but it shows her character:  She told me that her DS, who has health problems, is concerned with having kids.  She even went on to explain to me why.  There were very personal details - emphasis on VERY personal.

She also was given a chair by the family of a friend who had passed.  It's one of those that will recline at the push of a button, and then help you stand up when you press another button.  She didn't need the chair, and wanted to sell it.  She was offering it to people (including family members) for $600.  Even when it was pointed out that she got it for free, she said, "Yes, but it's worth at least $1000.  So $600 is cheap."

She wants to get rid of her large dining table and chairs (6 person table).  She is offering that for $50 for the table, and $10 per chair.  DH knows that she paid $50 for the set.  When that was pointed out, she said, "Yes, but I want to make a profit."

        Signed - Seems Being A B!tch Runs In The Family
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic/Posted: 24-NOV-10
My DH warned me that his mother wasn't a very nice person, but I never took it very seriously.  I assumed he was exaggerating.

She works for DHS in child welfare.  The irony that she judges other mothers is not lost on her family.  It's a common joke (not to her face, of course) that she was hired because a bad mother knows other bad mothers.

First I'll tell a story that doesn't involve me to show how bad of a mother she is.  When DH was little, he needed an adult to cosign on a bank account.  This is quite common.  At the time, his mother wasn't working and his dad was, so she was the one to take him to the bank to open an account.  For years, DH would put birthday and Christmas money into the account.  He barely took anything out.  He would mow lawns, and do other odd jobs, because as he aged, he wanted to buy a vehicle (a truck) for when he was old enough to drive.

When DH was about 14 or 15, he wanted to see how much money he had in his account, and, therefore, how much he still needed to save to buy a truck.  DH went to check his bank account balance, and it was empty!  She had completely cleaned him out.  There was around $4K in there before she stole it.  When DH confronted her about it and asked her to pay him back, she told him that he lives in her house and she doesn't need to pay him back.  When FIL found out about it (when he got home), he threatened to divorce her if she didn't pay him back.  Eventually, she conceded and bought him a truck.  It was a piece of cr@p truck that was not worth the amount she stole, but DH let it go.

        Signed - Who Steals From Their Child?
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - sykadelic, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-NOV-10
I just realized that I don't think my ILs know my parents'/siblings' names!  DH and I have been married over a year now.  Granted, my parents live in another country, but sheesh!  At least DH knows their names.

A little note about MIL:  She likes to act all holier-than-thou, but she doesn't realize that I know the secret she thinks people don't know:  She is an adulteress!  Not QUITE as bad as it sounds.  MIL is young, 43, while my DM is 51.  DH and I are the same age, and my mother had me when she was 24.  That means that MIL had DH when she was 16.  That sounds wrong.  Pretty sure she was 17 (that's how uncle-IL is our age, maternal GMIL had him when she was 38 and was pregnant at the same time as MIL - creepy).

Anyway, here's the story.  FIL was married pre-MIL (she doesn't tell anyone this and little SIL, who's 17 this year, doesn't know).  MIL's mother (maternal GMIL) was working with FIL's then wife.  She told FIL's wife that her DD (MIL) was a troublemaker.  She wanted to stop going to school and she didn't want to live at home.  FIL's wife offered for MIL to move in with her and FIL, so GMIL would at least know that she was safe.  Big mistake.

We weren't there, so, of course, we don't know specifics.  We do know that FIL and MIL had an affair.  I should mention that FIL was around 20 or 21 when he and she did this, not too predatory.   But, if I was her mum, I'd be pretty ticked. 

MIL got knocked up and FIL had to divorce his wife in order to marry MIL.  MIL says that, when she got pregnant, they weren't sure if marriage was for them, which is why it took so long to get married (before DH was born, though).  In actual fact, it took her a while to know that she was pregnant, and then the divorce had to clear before they could have their shotgun wedding.  Her story is that they were high school sweethearts.

I don't mind FIL.  He's an all right guy, and DH really loves him.  My issue is that HE was the married person (but he was young and stupid, so I can forgive that).  But what I don't like is that DH grew up knowing he "ruined" his dad's life because his dad did the right thing by his mother.  I think it's bull that his kid knows/thinks that.  It's true, but he shouldn't be made to feel that way.

So, anyway, any time MIL makes me feel even a little bit bad, I think about the day she told me about her and FIL meeting and how I KNEW that the story was bullsh!t as she told it to me.  The look on her face was hilarious, trying to make it seem like this big romantic story.  The truth is that she was a slutty little girl who had an affair with a married man!

        Signed - MIL Is An Adulteress And I Can't Wait Till Little-SIL Is Old Enough To Know!!

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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 21-NOV-10
Thanksgiving Story:  My DH's family usually splits up for Thanksgiving.  His parents go to his maternal grandmother's for lunch (as well as the rest of MIL's siblings/cousins etc.), and to his paternal grandmother's for dinner (and the rest of FIL's siblings/cousins etc.).  It's one or the other, and I believe they switch lunch/dinner every other year or something.

Anyway, maternal GMIL is the one DH and I lived with for 3 months (the one that kicked my 10-week old puppy when she was healing from a dog attack).

She used to live in one of her son's double-wide trailers until he stopped giving in to her using him to pay for all sorts of unneeded repairs, and he raised the rent/bills to deal with it all.  She moved out before the end of 2009, so she didn't have a Thanksgiving celebration in 2009.  I believe that was his intention and I don't think they talk anymore.  Since then she still hasn't had a Thanksgiving celebration.  From what I understand, the vast majority of her children don't like her, but they WILL use her for baby-sitting, etc.  Otherwise, she wouldn't see the GCs.

We weren't concerned this year (2010) about dealing with maternal GMIL (or paternal GMIL) for Thanksgiving, BUT DH did tell me that we'd been invited to paternal GMIL's for some Thanksgiving thing.  DH actually had work, so he couldn't attend.

Not long after he told me about the event, we went to paternal GMIL's to mow the lawn and put up some vertical blinds for her.  She's not much of a user in that department.  She's actually quite a capable woman and pretty good with computers, too.  She's at least in her 70's, so she's pretty good.  She's just not very tall or stable enough to stand on a ladder to drill into the wall, etc.  DH had no issue helping her.

While there, she mentioned Thanksgiving and how she was waiting on people to reply.  She mentioned that she'd told FIL, but hadn't heard back.  She had to call MIL, thinking FIL had forgotten to tell her about it.  But, she still didn't have a reply.

DH had told me he told pat-GMIL about the issues with MIL and being part of the family.  She knows EXACTLY what we're talking about, and is (so I know now) okay with confronting people when she wants to know something or do what she thinks is right.  So I told pat-GMIL, "I know you know DH's not coming to Thanksgiving, but thought I should tell you that I won't be coming either.  I just don't want to try and deal with the whole 'MIL' situation without DH there."  She said she understood completely.

In the car, on the way back to our place, I told DH what I had told pat-GMIL about dinner, and he completely understood, of course.  He didn't think I'd want to go alone.

It was a good thing that I told him about it, because the next day he got a call/text from his dad and sister about it.  Apparently, pat-GMIL had decided to approach MIL about our strained relationship, and that pissed off MIL.  She then yelled at FIL, who told DH that I was permitted to feel how I feel, and that he understands, but could I please not discuss the situation with family members because they gossip.  WTH?? 

I know they gossip.  I didn't expect this pat-GMIL to gossip (now I know), but you're actually telling me that it's okay for her to treat us bad, but I'm supposed to shut up about it?  His whole family is like that, "She's always been like this, so we're more used to it."  It doesn't enter their heads that they SHOULDN'T be given the chance to GET used to it.  If they'd corrected the behavior before it got this bad, we might not be where we are now.  Sigh.

        Signed - Thanksgiving - I Am Thankful I Tell DH Everything!!
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 23-NOV-10
Another story to explain the MIL & the IL's.  DH was in the Armed Forces.  He left for Iraq and all that "fun stuff".  When he came back, after one of his deployments, he discovered they had taken their pick of anything he'd left in his room.  He took back anything he was particularly concerned about, and just ignored other bits (like clothing etc.).

When DH was little, he got an ingrown toenail.  He had it for over 6 months.  His mother refused to take him to the doctor.  He couldn't walk straight.  It was highly infected, and eventually he had to take off PE as well.  He went through a LOT of socks.  It was awful (so I'm told).  When the teacher asked him about it, he showed his toe.  The teacher was shocked, and wrote a letter home to his parents. 

When MIL saw the letter, she was very annoyed, but took him anyway, so she wouldn't get into trouble with the school.  When the doc saw it and asked how long he'd had it, he said 6 months+.  His mother called him a liar, and said that it had been only a week or so.  The doc said that there was no way that was a week old injury.  She, then, claimed that DH must just not have told her about it soon enough.

        Signed - Room Raiders and Uncaring Parents
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frequent fry her - Sykadelic Frequent Fry Her TM. - Sykadelic, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 24-NOV-10
Couple more stories about my ILs and MIL:  We moved out of GMIL's house at the end of August, after copping abuse from her for a while.  We moved in with older SIL's BF (she lives in another state while going to school), who had deadbeat UIL (evil GMIL's son, who's our age) living with him. 

UIL doesn't work.  He lives off social security disability because of health issues.  He had/has a GF who lives a decent distance away.  UIL's antics:  Stole SIL's pocket knife that DH got for her from overseas to match his own.  Stole SIL's $5 winning scratch ticket (gave it back when confronted).  Stole food that SIL had in the freezer, because she didn't eat it quickly enough and he was hungry.  Stole packaged drinks from me while I was out of the country.

DH was still staying there, and put a box on top of the fridge, because he suspected him stealing them.  Nothing happened, until DH saw a wrapper from them in the trash when he took the trash out.  DH checked the box, and UIL had been taking them from the BACK of the box, so we wouldn't notice.

Stole gas out of SIL's BF's boat.  UIL told him that he took it when SIL's BF said he was taking the boat out.  UIL, from then on, was supposed to pay for the gas to mow the lawn on the property (large property).  Asked DH to help pay for gas to mow the lawn.  DH made sure to mention to SIL's BF that he gave UIL $5, so he would know that we've been helping out.  That's when we were told NOT to give him money and to make sure to get paid back, because it's his job to pay for it (and told us about the boat).

Took SIL's BF's car for a drive while SIL's BF was out of town on business.  He did this without permission.  He has NEVER had permission to drive it, so he had no excuse for doing it.

Threw his GF's phone out of his car when he was driving, and told her she must have lost it.  Then, played the "good BF" by loaning her his phone.  Never told her he threw it out.

Asked DH if he could make a quick call on his phone.  That "quick call" was him giving out DH's number as his contact number.  DH started getting calls, asking where UIL was, and text messages about when UIL was going to be out and all of that.  Apparently it was quite incessant.

I had to go out of the country due to a family illness.  We told SIL's BF and UIL about it and EXPRESSLY told them not to tell anyone, especially GMIL, the reason for my trip.  UIL told GMIL, who then told the entire family.  But, he was too drunk to remember why I was going back.  So, my ILs spread a tale that DH and I were getting a divorce.

Side note:  Older SIL isn't in my good books either.  She changed her status on a social site to "my brother is looking for somewhere to stay", which prompted my sister to ask me if DH and I were having trouble.  After being told how it appeared, she did not remove it.  I restricted what she could see on my social site for a while so I could vent my frustrations.  She realized, and removed me from her site.  I've seen her since and tried to build bridges.  Though I did, she still hasn't re-added me to her site.

        Signed - There Must Be Something In GMIL's Genes That Creates These Monsters!
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