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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Slandered DIL

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL/Posted: 29-JUN-13
A compendium of bad gifts:

- For our wedding, she gave us a set of gold satin sheets.  And, by "satin", I mean "150 thread count sateen."  They were horribly scratchy, and didn't match anything we'd registered for.

- Once, for my birthday (back when she still thought I was worth sending presents to), she gave me various Mary Kay products - which was nice - plus a two page typewritten letter with instructions on how to properly wash my face and care for my skin - which apparently wasn't so nice.  I was 25, at the time, but she made sure to include info on how to accomplish age-defying treatments!

- When I was in my late 20s, my Christmas present from my MIL one year included a box of crayons and a coloring book.

- She sent DH a couple of DVDs of a "comedian" she'd seen on TV, once, for his birthday.  Only problem?  The DVDs weren't captioned, and I, his wife, with whom he always watches movies, am severely hearing impaired and can't watch anything without closed captioning.  I guess it was just a way to help him escape the onerous burden of living with me???

- She gave us a trivet, one year, that I love.  Later, she told me that she'd originally bought it for herself.  She's made it a point many times since then to point out how I've never given her one in replacement.  Even though I never asked her to give it to me, nor knew that she'd originally purchased it for herself!  She sees this as . . .

        Signed - Evidence Of My Rudeness And Ingratitude
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL/Posted: 25-DEC-10
We went to the IL's for Christmas.  We made it as short a visit as we decently could for an 11 hour cross-country drive.  MIL, at least, put up a good imitation of civility, which allowed the visit to be much less stressful than an all out confrontation would be.

That is, until I got into a debate with DH's older brother.  MIL thinks he is perfect, and that the world revolves around him.  He's 33, unmarried, and lives in her basement.  So, yeah, there are issues there.  I like BIL, though I don't think he's very mature in some ways.  The debate was friendly between us, as we both enjoy the challenge of a good argument.  There were no personal attacks or anything.  It was a purely intellectual exercise, and one which, I repeat, we both enjoyed immensely.

MIL, however, could not BELIEVE that I would DARE to disagree with anything the Golden Boy would say!  She refused to be in a room with me for the rest of the day, hugged my DH good-bye, and then turned away and pretended I wasn't there.

Oh well, I always knew she was crazy!  At least we only have to see the ILs once a year, at most!

        Signed - Always Knew She Was Crazy!
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL/Posted: 24-DEC-10
I used to think that my only problem was my MIL, but, clearly, she's brainwashed FIL into also being anti-me.  DH was out in the garage talking to FIL during our Christmas visit.  FIL started asking DH if he was "really ok", implying that DH is somehow unhappy in our marriage, which could not be farther from the truth.  We have one of the happiest, most stable, most loving relationships I can possibly imagine, which DH told FIL.

BUT, I lost my hearing during our first year of marriage.  I rely, a great deal, on DH to provide information about what is going on around me.  Sure, I have a hearing aid, but it's not exactly some kind of magic fix for having 1.5 deaf ears.  My asking DH questions, about conversations that I can't follow, irritates FIL.  He kept asking DH why I "expected" or even "wanted" to know what people are saying when I'm in the room, and kept insisting that it must be making DH unhappy!!

I, honestly, have no idea how to deal with people who think I'm somehow very rude just because I can't hear!  How do I get FIL to shut up on the subject?  Why does it matter at all to him whether I ask DH questions??  If it doesn't bother DH, it shouldn't be anyone else's business!

        Signed - Questions Are, Apparently, Rude
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 2-MAY-09
My DH and I have been married for just over five years.  We have a wonderful relationship.  In the beginning I had a good relationship with my MIL, as well.  She was very loving and supportive at our wedding.  A few months later, when I suffered a sudden, severe, and devastating hearing loss, she was very encouraging as well.  Around the same time as my hearing loss, though, she started experiencing health problems.  The resulting medications and depression seem to have changed her personality and exaggerated all of her negative character traits.  About a year and a half ago, FIL called and asked if they could come see us for Thanksgiving and my DH's birthday, since my MIL was missing her sons a lot.  Each son lives more than 12 hours away, but in different directions - her other son is a bachelor.  I said that they were welcome to come, so long as they understood that my DH would have to be the primary host, since I had a great deal of work to do.  I'm a doctoral candidate, and I had term papers and high level translations to finish before the end of the semester, which was only two weeks away.  They came, and we had a nice Thanksgiving dinner.  Then, the day after, MIL made a suggestion about what we could do that day.  I politely told her that, much as I'd like to, I had to go do some work.  I entered my study and left my DH with his parents for the day.  DH made a number of suggestions about activities to entertain them, places to see, things to do.  My MIL shot down every suggestion, and parked herself on the couch in order pout about how I wasn't entertaining her like a proper hostess.  The next morning, we awoke to find the ILs with their suitcases packed.  They left, mad, three days before the scheduled end of their visit!  MIL's parting words were that they wouldn't return until our "lifestyle" had changed.  Our "lifestyle" consists of frugal living and hard working.  We're responsible and mature adults.  My "job" is my graduate studies, which I can't ignore even if my MIL is in town.  That's why I tried to make it clear before they came - and, remember, they invited themselves out here!  A few days after their abrupt departure, DH received a five-page, single spaced letter from his mother that criticized me for being ill mannered, rude and uncaring.  It also accused me of actively "mistreating" her!!  She suggested that DH's football watching, the day after Thanksgiving, was a symptom of his "depression", because I was "verbally abusive" of him!  This, because she'd tried to give him instructions while I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and I'd told him no, I wanted him to do something else for me instead.  My audacity in contradicting her instructions, while in my own kitchen and talking to my own DH, was apparently abusive!!  DH called her.  He stood up to her and defended me.  He also told her that she was way out of line.  She cried and cried, saying how I had refused to build any relationship with her, and that she thought she had raised her son better than to treat his guests in the way she was treated.  She told him about how much better the visits are when she goes to see my BIL.  He's a bachelor, so she gets to play "mommy" and do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc.  They've never even talked about coming back.  We visited them at Christmas, and it went ok.  She was superficially polite, at least.  But, I just learned that they're getting ready to spend another three weeks with my BIL, which will make it a total of 3 months that they've spent with him out of the past 18 months.  And, still, they refuse to even think about coming back here until I apologize for my misbehavior, mistreatment and bad manners!!!

        Signed - Slandered DIL
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 5-OCT-10
Worst gift:  When DH turned 27, his mother gave him vitamins.  She's recently came under the influence of a "naturopathic doctor", who had prescribed all sorts of vitamins and supplements for her to "heal" her health problems.  So, she gave a huge bottle of these items to her DS, along with a whole bottle of B-12 capsules, and the photocopied first chapter from a quack "diet" book.  And, that was all.  My DH is a doctor, a real one.  MIL, though, won't admit that he actually knows more than she does about things like biology and science.  She explained that, since he's her son, he'll, of course, end up having the same health problems she does.  That's doubtful, as most of hers are psychosomatic.  So, he should start taking these vitamins early!  Mind you, B-12 is usually given to old people and those with anemia, not to healthy young men who eat plenty of red meat and don't have any fatigue issues.  Ever since then, DH and I joke around all the time about the "magic vitamins."  Clearly, every time we get a cold or the flu, it's because we didn't keep taking the "magic vitamins"!

        Signed - Most Of Hers Are Psychosomatic
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 8-OCT-10
My ILs came to visit over Labor Day  It was a big deal, as last time they were here they left two days early because they were mad.  They sent a nasty letter about how rude and ill mannered I was, because I didn't neglect all of my responsibilities while "The Center of the Universe" was here.  The visit was going ok, until I stepped out of the room for five minutes, to recover my composure, when my MIL had, once again, intruded into a conservation with my DH about some renovating projects we were working on.  When I came back, MIL had disappeared.  She spent the rest of that day, and most of the next, refusing to speak to us or eat anything.  But, she made sure to remain in plain site of us at all times, so that we would get the hint that she was mad about something.  My DH finally questioned her in the evening.  It turned into yet another attack on me.  The biggest shock was that, this time, my FIL joined in the bashing.  I was told, while sitting in my own living room, that I expect too much accommodation from people.  I suffered a severe hearing loss two months after I got married.  I'm pretty badly hearing impaired now.  I shouldn't expect or want to hear what's going on around me.  I should just accept the fact that I can't hear.  According to my FIL, I ask my DH too many questions.  I ought to leave him alone and just learn to live with not hearing.  My MIL then said that she "has a degree in disabilities".  She's has some chronic pain health problems, but she is a heck of a far cry from being disabled, despite her delusions to the contrary.  Therefore, she knows that I expect too much.  Moreover, they continued to tell me that, since THEY made such a huge SACRIFICE in coming to see us (!), we ought to be so grateful that we should be tripping over ourselves to show gratitude.  Concerning the renovations that FIL was helping DH with, I shouldn't want, need, or expect to know what work they're doing (on MY house), but I should just be content to show how grateful I am that it's getting done.  After all, once again, it's all about THEM.  In fact, she even said that she was really offended by a thirty minute nap my DH, HER SON, had taken after church that day.  He couldn't be "letting her love him", if he was asleep!!!  At one point, when I started crying tears of sheer frustration over the personal attacks, I heard my MIL break out into very noisy sobs about how I just "don't understand what it's like to have grown children"!  It was so obviously clear to me that she was bothered that my tears were taking the attention away from her, and so she was trying to return the focus to how SHE had been offended.  MIL suggested they should pack up and leave the next day.  DH and I BOTH asked them not to leave.  We wanted them to stay the last scheduled day, in hopes that we could find some healing and reconciliation.  I'd forgotten, of course, that one can't find reconciliation with someone with the emotional maturity of a child; someone who believes that the entire world revolves around her.  I can't even believe how bitter I sound!  She spent the last day once again refusing to talk to us, refusing to eat, but sitting in plain sight.  It was the most manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior I have ever witnessed.  She even told DH that she was "disappointed" in the way she'd been "treated", because she thought she "raised him better".  If that's not a controlling, manipulative statement, I don't know what is!  DH and I have been married for almost seven years.  He's a successful doctor, and a responsible and loving husband.  And, yet, she still thinks that he and I are little children whom she can manipulate and "parent", when things don't go her way.  I'd gone furniture shopping with MIL the day before it all blew up, and we had a great time.  She'd offered to buy us a table while at the store.  I said that I wanted to wait till DH had seen it.  She seemed excited by that.  Then, suddenly, the offer was withdrawn that evening.  I still have no idea what little thing I did to make me "not worthy" of a gift.  Now, it's my birthday.  She's always sent at least a token gift.  This year, nothing!  It's like I've been slapped in the face, after once again having made efforts to overcome the family divide.  She doesn't seem to realize that her son is entirely on my side.  We've got a FANTASTIC marriage, and he sees her attempts at control for what they are.  All she's doing by acting this way towards me is driving her son further away from her.  But, I'm still trying to figure out how on earth I went from being loved when I was a bride, to being . . .

        Signed - The Reviled, Slandered DIL After a Number of Years of Marriage
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - slandered dil Frequent Fry Her TM. - Slandered DIL, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 12-NOV-10
DH and I just both just turned thirty.  For his birthday, MIL sent him a thousand dollars.  For my birthday, I got a card with her name signed to it.  There was not even a "Happy Birthday","love" or any well wishes, or any attempt at a gift.  But, DH got one grand.  This is, apparently, her way of letting me know just how much I fail as a DIL, and as a person.  Her birthday is in two weeks.  DH doesn't want to send her anything after this, but I'm determined not to be petty just because she is.

        Signed - Flabbergasted
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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