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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Psycho FMIL
Age: 24    MIL Age: 50+

Norman Bates' mother was more mentally sound

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL/Posted: 16-DEC-03
Back and forth and back and forth.  Who's coming?  They don't know.  Who needs hotel info?  They don't know.  Can your parents help you at all with the honeymoon?  No.  Will your mom help pay for a post-ceremony dinner (for our two families in lieu of a rehearsal dinner?)?  Yes.  But wait, keep on reading.  Now, this.  We got a card today from his parents saying that his step-dad is not going to attend the ceremony (in another state), but all of the stepfamily will attend the reception in on the mainland.   Step-dad said that his mom can not pay for the after-ceremony dinner for our families (which was supposed to be in lieu of a rehearsal dinner (which she already agreed to).  Well, it looks like the only members of his family that will be showing up in Hawaii are his mom and his brother.  Maybe I'm being petty, but I think that this is really LAME.  And he is totally bummed, I feel so bad for him.  Am I wrong in thinking that the IMPORTANT part is the CEREMONY and not the party, which we really planned for our friends who would have NO financial chance of flying to the ceremony).  "Yeah, um, we can't make it to watch you guys take one of the most important steps in your life together, but throw in an expensive dinner and we're there!"  I talked to a girlfriend of mine about this, and I feel a bit self-righteous (but only a bit) when I agree with her and say that they should be HONORED that we invited them to the ceremony, especially considering our not-so-pleasant past  Ask me about all the dirty details involving his mother's secretly planned dates for my fiancé.  My fiancé. actually said (and this makes me so mad that they've made him feel this way):  "I'm starting to wish that we hadn't even invited them."  To top it all off, no apology.  The card was all cheery and stupid.  What kind of family is this!?  If this were my family (which, OH GOD, it's soon going to be!) and one of us were getting married, no matter where, we would do whatever it took to be there!  I know it's easy to say, given that my father would, of course, pay if we couldn't, but I'd like to think that even if he couldn't, I'd find a way to make it!  You know, his parents certainly didn't have any problem making it to another continent for 2 weeks!

        Signed - I'd Find A Way

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL/Posted: 14-DEC-03
The latest?  My fiancé called mommy dearest to let her know how he felt (bummed) about all of this stuff.  The first call went nowhere, because she kept changing the topic (weather, baby, etc.).  So, he called back later, and told her that he felt that she was being unsupportive, etc., and of course she got defensive.  He told her that he wanted to tell her how he felt about some of the things that they had planned, and she said, "Well, I have some feelings about it, too."  EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY, but your son is calling to tell you he is disappointed in your lack of support in one of the biggest moments of his life, and you want to talk about YOUR feelings!  YOU SELF-CENTERED WITCH!  She said that she wasn't going to help pay for the dinner, because she can't afford it, which is fine, except that it's a lie.  His parents travel to Europe twice a year, and just got back from a trip overseas!  She says, "We use miles," but you have to spend money to get those miles, right (unless I'm being seriously shortchanged, and they haven't told me that they give them out freely)?  And, you can't eat and live on miles while you are away, can you?  Then, she went on to say, "Well, all I'm really responsible for is the rehearsal dinner."  Okay, well, if you "can't afford" the post ceremony dinner (which we initially agreed would be IN LIEU OF a rehearsal dinner, and would be cheaper than a traditional rehearsal dinner anyway), then how could you have afforded a rehearsal dinner?  Isn't that a moot point!?  He mentioned that they didn't have any trouble getting to yet another continent for his brother's wedding.  She responded, "That's different.  Her family is there."  OH!  Well, then, obviously it's not as important for people to travel to our wedding ceremony, because we don't live there.  Does that logic seem a little narrow to anyone else?  It's a really big disappointment to him that his parents are being so, well, STINGY.  They are not only this way with money (which we really don't care that much about), but with their support and their emotions.  His mom has always been totally self-serving, so I don't know why I expected any more.  It's so sad that the man who helped raised him from the age of 8 isn't going to attend his wedding.  Her "wedding gift" to us of an IRA for our daughter is nice, but just SCREAMS "I don't want to support YOUR relationship in any way."  It's a very underhanded and calculated way of saying, "I refuse to acknowledge your marriage."  I mean, it's a nice gift, don't get me wrong, but not a wedding gift.  Maybe it would be fine for our daughter's birthday, or Christmas.  And, really, we're not bad off, and we would have preferred that they had spent that money on ATTENDING the wedding!!  At this point, we don't want them there.  And, Feb. Bride, you're right - I'm SO thankful for my family, at least we have them!  Until next time.

        Signed - They're ALL Still Crazy!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL/Posted: 13-DEC-03
I haven't been here in a while - but I'm back.  Let me give you some important background information before I start my rant.  US:  Been together 6 years, raising my daughter from previous, and our own infant.  WEDDING:  Ceremony out of town, with immediate family only, reception for friends and family when we return.  FAMILY:  Large family.  Most live in the area.  They LOVE my fiancé, have always been supportive of us, and will all be attending both ceremony and reception (my father is paying for the flights and accommodations in lieu of a family vacation that we were planning (and, because the ceremony package and reception total ended up being WAAAYYY under the budget that he set for us).   HIS FAMILY:  Father deceased, remarried mother, 1 bio brother and wife, 4 adult step-siblings and spouse and step father.  Live in various states.  Brother was married on another continent 3 years ago.  We went (and so did mom and stepdad) for 2 weeks.  We paid A LOT of money to go.  His mother decided that I was the devil incarnate and attempted to sabotage our relationship for the following 2 years - until she found out that I was having her only grandchild.  Then she suddenly wanted to be friendly.  And, here we go:  My wonderful (and possibly-hopefully-adopted) fiancé talked to his brother the other day and was told that he (his brother) would be there at our wedding for sure, but his wife might not make it.  Why, you ask?  Not because they can't afford it or because she had something else planned before she knew the dates for our wedding, but because she might go to that other continent where she was married instead.  Um, hello!?  This is why we sent out our save-the-date cards a year and a half in advance!!!  How long ago could she have planned this little trip?  Did we not spend a lot to go to her wedding (for 2 weeks)?  And, at the time, we didn't even know her?  Is she boycotting our wedding now?  I would understand if they couldn't afford it, but, obviously, if she can fly to the other continent, she can afford to fly to mine.  I would understand if she had (1 year and 7 months ago) planned some all-important trip that couldn't be rescheduled.  But, THIS I don't get.  What, it's just not that important?  !@#$% &*!

        Signed - They're ALL Crazy!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL/Posted: 1-OCT-02
Well, it's been nearly a month since the last "encounter" with my FMIL, in which FDH told her about our upcoming wedding and baby.  She has since called to say that she'd sent a letter.  During the call she began to ask how I was feeling, telling FDH that he needs to take care of me.  Only a few months ago she was trying to set him up on dates, and telling people that she never wanted to see my face again (can you say cuh-raazy!?).  Well, the letter FDH received was a letter of apology to FDH (not to me) about the way she reacted to his telling her of our upcoming wedding and baby.  She cried the whole time, and the only substantial thing she said was, "Is she trying to trap you?"  She stated that she was "sorry that she didn't react as he had expected".  WHAT would anyone expect!?  Certainly not the horribly selfish way she reacted, even the worst actor on earth could have feigned a better response!  Well, after 4 years of being together, buying a house, and raising my daughter together, she finally admitted my existence in this letter, saying, "I know you have an 'interest' and 'investment' in 'THIS WOMAN'."  Sheesh!  Well, at least she's acknowledging my existence.  I think she would MELT if she had to say "I know you LOVE this woman".  Well, hopefully she will come to her senses before too much more resentment and bitterness develops, because at this point, neither FDH nor I care to have her involved in our family's life.  I don't look forward to the day that I'll have to explain to our child that grandma doesn't want to see you because she hates mommy.

        Signed - Grandma Doesn't Want to See You Because She Hates Mommy

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL/Posted: 4-SEP-02
The Psycho is going to be in town for the weekend to visit FDH and his brother, who is in town for the summer.  Well, I am happy to report that FDH purposely waited to tell her that we are going away this weekend, so that she wouldn't change her plans and come earlier.  We will only be here for ONE of the days that she will be here, and boy do we have a surprise for her!  The great news is that FDH and I are going to have a baby!  We will be having a wedding as well, after the baby is born, and we are telling my folks tonight.  His mother is going to find out tomorrow night, right before we leave for the weekend.  If her reaction is anything less than enthusiastic, FDH is ready to tell her to just stay the he!! out of our lives, and our child's life, for good.  Keep in mind that I have always been willing to mend things with this witch, even uncharacteristically offering an olive branch to her after hearing the initial horrible things that she was saying about me.  She has been manipulative and conniving from day one, trying to arrange "dates" for FDH when she bought ONLY HIM a ticket to a wedding that he had no intention of going to, and taking my emails to her to a psychiatrist!  What a FREAK!  Well, I'm all out of olive branches, but I wish she could at least admit that she's been wrong (which will NEVER happen).  She doesn't even need to APOLOGIZE at this point (because I know it would only be lip-service anyway), but if she could just admit that she did wrong, then she will be able to see her one and only grandchild (FDH's only brother and his wife have decided never to have children).  I'll be back after our vacation to report how things went when she was told of our upcoming wedding and family!

        Signed - If She Could Just Admit That She Did Wrong

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL/Posted: 3-SEP-02
I posted about the fact that my FDH was telling FMIL last week about our impending wedding and child.  Well, he told her, and she reacted quite predictably (selfishly, and thus predictable).  She CRIED the whole time, and didn't really say much.  This was last Thursday, before we left for vacation on Friday.  It's now Monday, and there is no word from her.  He (FDH) let her know that if she wants to cut him out of her life, she can do so.  All she needs to do, in order to be a part of her only grandchild's life, to is apologize to me for being so horribly rude.  At this point, I don't even want an apology.  It would be forced and insincere.  All I want is for her to admit that the things she did were hurtful, not only to me, but to her son.  She will never be able to do this, and FDH is really ticked that she acts as if there's nothing she can do to right the situation.  He's told her what she needs to do, but she is too stubborn to hear it.  FDH told me that I should not have to make the first move to mend things.  The ball is in her court, and it was my apology letter which brought on her attack in the first place.  She won't take any responsibility for the escalating situation, and acts as if she had never sent that first nasty email to me at all.  He also feels that I have done all that I can by being OPEN to an apology, even after all of the incredible stuff she's done.  Well, it's unfortunate that it looks like our child will grow up knowing only one side of the family.  I would much prefer that the family unit (and extended family unit) be a happy one, instead of there being a formal, cordial, tensely polite atmosphere.

        Signed - Done All I Can Do

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL 1 of 4 /Posted: 11-FEB-01
I just had the "pleasure" of meeting my *probable* FMIL during a wedding trip for her other son in South Africa.  After getting back from the wedding, my BF (her son) received a nasty phone call from her about me.  We've been together for two and a half years with intentions to marry.  I would have liked things to go better between us, but her sons tell me she is stubborn, and is incapable of admitting fault or wrongdoing.  I'm going to post the emails that ensued after that phone call.  Tell me what you think:

my letter to her after hearing about the phone call:
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Mrs. *****,
BF has told me about your conversation from earlier today, and I am sorry to hear that your observations on our interactions have caused you to be opposed to our relationship.  BF has told me not to write to you, because it seems to him that you have already made up your mind, and nothing I say or do (short of overhauling my entire personality) will make you change you mind.  He's told me that writing to you will do more harm that good.  But I would not feel right if I did not have a chance to defend myself, or at the very least, assure you that my intentions were not to be of any harm.  I am very sorry, and very humiliated to learn that I made everyone around me uncomfortable, and was an annoyance during your trip.  I know that it is sometimes hard to understand the dynamics of other people's relationships, and I'm not sure exactly what behavior caused you to feel this animosity towards me.  I am also unsure, at this point, whether your Freudian slips were intentional or not, when you repeatedly called me (ex-girlfriend's name).  I do know that it resulted in a great deal of hurt feelings, which, in turn, may have influenced my behavior a little.  I don't think that anyone, upon meeting their boyfriend's mother for the first time in two and a half years, is exactly thrilled to be constantly mistaken for his ex-girlfriend.  I mean no disrespect when I say that you do not know me, and you do not see us and our interactions on a daily basis.  The razzing and teasing that offended you so much is a small, insignificant part of how we are with one another.  In my family, it is a sign of affection, and is taken in a lighthearted manner.  BF has had the occasion to spend a large amount of time with my family, and he understands how we interact.  He can plainly see that the love between my family is not lost, and the way that we tease each other is very affectionate.  It can be easily misconstrued, lacking such firsthand experience as BF has had, seeing how people in my family treat people they care about.  He has, himself, pointed out the differences between my family and yours.  The most obvious being that it is a completely different culture, yours Southern, ours first-generation Taiwanese.  We spend much more time with my family than with his, so it is natural (at least to me) to mimic the type of affection and fun we have with my family.  My family adores BF, despite the many things they do not understand about him and our relationship.  I hope that you can respect BF's decision to be with me, and realize that he is a very strong and intelligent person who would not stay in a relationship where he was feeling belittled or unhappy.  If you had visited our website, you would have seen that we DO, in fact, have many good times, and believe it or not, there are many redeeming qualities to our relationship.  It may be presumptuous to judge us, or me, based upon only two weeks out of two and half years together.  I feel very badly for BF being caught in the middle of all of this, because he obviously loves his family, and loves me as well.  We, as with any couple, have issues and difficulties of our own, without this type of thing creating a wedge between us.  I spent countless hours in anxious anticipation over meeting BF's family.  I was so worried about making a good impression, and I am truly hurt that things have turned out this way.

Her letter back:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GF,
BF is right.  You should not write me.  But, since you chose to "defend" yourself, I will explain some of my feelings that need to be clear.

I have some definite issues that only you can explain to me.  Why do you choose not to raise you daughter? Why do you choose to walk around with her name, birth-date, and a pacifier on your right arm?  Why do you choose not to let your father see these tattoos?  Why did you choose to show them in S. Africa, knowing that I do not like tattoos?  I resent your comments that my "Freudian slips were intentional or not".  I called you (ex-girlfriend's name) 4 times.  You were never mistaken for (ex-girlfriend's name). It is apparent that your own insecurities let this be a problem for you.

My issues are not about how you act with your family. The trouble I had with you has nothing to do with "cultural" differences.  It is about how you acted with BFs family.  Downgrading, belittling, and blame is not a "sign of affection" or "taken in a lighthearted manner", in the (BF's "SURNAME") family this is a sign of poor, or no, manners.  For you to sit at our dinner table and tell BF and all of the "SURNAME"s that the "SURNAME" family name was ugly and difficult - this is not a cultural difference, it is lack of manners on your part.  To expect to have the honeymoon suite is rude on your part.  BF in not in the middle.  BF has been in this "SURNAME" family since I gave birth to him in 1969. He is just living in your apt.  You were on a "SURNAME" family wedding trip.  I did not like your actions.  Let me make it clear to you, that you are not welcome in my home, or on any other family trips.  If you still think this is about cultural differences, tell your father to give me a phone call.  He and I can discuss your lack of responsibility, and defiance, before you end up walking around with BF "SURNAME" Jr. on your left arm.  I know all that I ever care to know about you, and respect is something that runs through all cultures.  These are my feelings about meeting you, and I never want to see you again!
MIL x-"SURNAME" REMARRIED NAME

And I couldn't just let that go:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I tried to be civil, but apparently you do not work that way, and at this point I have ceased to care what court's advice to me about you is, he was obviously right when he told me you were stubborn and self-righteous.  Your accusations and "explanations" are unfounded, biased, and outright ignorant.  First of all, there ARE cultural differences.  For example, I was appalled at your constant drunken behavior, especially at your son's wedding, that would never fly in my family.  Your snorting laughter and brash comments were rude and inappropriate, as far as I am concerned.  Hollering and demanding that the bride sing at her wedding, when she made it painfully clear she didn't wish to, is a prime example.  But I chose not to judge you by my own standards, something you are apparently incapable of.  Another fine example of your classiness was the complete disregard for someone's feeling.  How many times does someone have to point out a mistake to you before you make an effort to correct it?  Maybe I should explain.  Court specifically pointed out that you had called me (ex-girlfriend's name), yet you continued to do it.  Both FBIL and BF assured me that you are just ditzy that way, and I shouldn't take offense.  Well, I think it's less ditziness than plain rudeness.  And, INSECURITY!?  You are completely lacking common sense if you think that anyone would want to be called by another woman's name in any situation.  What if I'd called you (ex-husband's new wife's name) the WHOLE time, or by (her new husband's) ex-wife's name after you'd corrected me not once, but twice?  HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?  I never called the "SURNAME" name "ugly", or "difficult".  Apparently, you were too drunk to remember that during that conversation what I said was that it was difficult to match a first name to.  WHICH I STILL BELIEVE IT IS.  That is a far fetch from UGLY.  Exactly WHERE was it that I wanted the honeymoon suite?  That one really confuses me.  Are you just making things up?  Because, neither BF nor I can remember that.  It may be hard for you to comprehend this concept, but what I do regarding MY daughter and MY life and MY body is absolutely, irrefutably, NONE of your business.  I can't even address this, because it's incredible to think you would have the gall to think that you have any right treading there.  I asked BF, before we left, if I should worry about my tattoos.  As a matter of fact, the dress I wore to the wedding was bought so that it would cover them -- I knew that it may be out of place at their wedding.  You think I didn't consider it?  BF told me you weren't so superficial and shallow as to care about a few tattoos.  Well, he was obviously wrong.  My father KNOWS about my tattoos.  I suppose you omitted that part of that conversation, too ... that seems to be your style.  If you look at the pictures, that are in abundance, of me and my family, you'll see me in short sleeves in most of them.  It is fine by me if you need to tell yourself that BF is just living in my apartment.  It doesn't do me any harm for you to submerge yourself in grand delusions and self-aggrandizing cruel behavior.  I am here with BF every day, and anyone would be blind to not see how much we love each other.  We have been in love for 2 years, and will be for many more.  And, I can assure you that, if there is ever a BF "SURNAME" Jr., I would never allow such an ugly, ill-tempered person such as you in his or her life.  I know your son better than you ever could, and you haven't a leg to stand on to tell me how he feels about me.  Your once-every-four-month phone calls don't tell you anything.  You think birth rights and an annual trip to some foreign country constitute a family?  Let me tell you what a REAL family is:

People who are there for you when you need them.
People who can understand that not everyone is the same.
People you care about your happiness.
People who can respect your choices in life.
People who can respect the people you care about.

In essence, everything you have proven yourself not to be.  I tried to be understanding with you.  We will obviously share different views and standards.  I tried to care about what you thought, because I know that you are important people to him.  But it is obviously a lost cause.  You are successfully alienating yourself from your own son, by attacking someone he loves.  Congratulations.  The feeling is now mutual.

These are my feelings, and I am completely ashamed that I should ever be apologetic to YOU.  You are the villain here, who is trying to force your will upon two other lives.  The things you have noted are ridiculous, and have not a shred of truth to them.  It may be you that should take a look at your insecurities, since you seem to take everything of mine and twist it around so that it's a personal attack on you.  Do not write me back.  Do not call our house.  And, of course, you are never going to be welcome in our house.  I hope that losing a son is what you wanted, because if you keep up this ugly behavior, that is exactly what you'll get.  Good riddance.

And more:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know that you are probably not going to read this letter, lest you have to
admit, even to yourself, that you are wrong.  I know that never, in 31 years, has your son seen you admit to being wrong, or change your mind once you've made it up, or apologize. This is the last time I will write to you, and I am writing solely because I would hate for you to think that you are right because I did not respond to your questions/accusations/insinuations about my relationship between me and my child.  Although I still feel that it's none of your business, and you are putting your nose in where it doesn't belong (not just regarding my daughter), I can not sleep at night with the thought of you strutting around on your high horse with the holier-than-thou attitude that you seem to have
taken towards me.  My daughter resides with her father, for the time being, because, in the opinion of her father and I, that is the best place for her right now.  I have "chosen" not to raise her, as much as you "chose" not to raise your sons while you lived in different states.  It is exactly the same situation.  This situation is not permanent, and, as a matter of fact, we have plans to move my daughter in with us this summer.  Just take a look at how happy she is with us, and tell me that I'm not a good mother.  Might I remind you that, in the past, your wonderful mothering resulted in one of your sons becoming a drug addict, and now the other one DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU.  So you can put aside your insinuations that I am a bad mother.  I suggest you take a long look in the mirror.

The honeymoon suite.  Well, frankly, neither one of us knows what in the world you're talking about here.  I'll remind you that YOU are the one who was too good to stay at the guesthouse with everyone else (and, don't tell me that it was so the bride and groom would be separate, I was told you were booked there because everyone knows how picky you are).  You are the one who took advantage of a honeymoon suite that wasn't meant for you.

Regarding your misinterpretation of my opinion of the last name "SURNAME" ... here is another area that is just ridiculous for you to tread.  You are not a "SURNAME"; you were married into it, and you divorced out of it.  Your choice to turn it into a personal attack is a result of your need to find reasons to be offended by people who are not you.  I know that it drives you insane that I would have the audacity to stand up for myself instead of sitting back and letting you speak badly about me behind my back.  Well, I at least have the courage to confront you, even though my efforts to correct your misjudgments are worthless.  I'll sleep better knowing that I at least tried to get through to you, though I highly doubt that is possible.  I hope that your plan was to bring BF and I closer, because all your viciousness has caused us to do is unite in our ill-feelings towards you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, I at least feel good about being *defiant*, as she said, because she expected a demure, spineless doormat that was going to sit down for her unfounded accusations and stubborn prejudices.  You should keep in mind that this woman is over twice my age (I'm in my mid twenties), and she has been completely ruthless in her attack on me, my family, and my relationship to her very happy, very in love son.  You'd think she'd be old enough to know better.  I'm posting this so that all the other DIL's and SON IL's out there will stand up against injustices caused by their MIL's.  It's unfair to accept that, because she gave birth to your significant other, she has the right to make your lives miserable!!
2/11
        signed - MIL != boss of you!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  MIL != boss of you!
What a great story!  I would kill to know what she wrote back to you!  Thanks for the inspiration.  My mother in law is just mental.  She talks about each of her darling children's spouses to each of the others and thinks we don't compare stories afterwards.  I'd love to tell her what I think of her, like you did.  Congratulations!!  I hope you and BF are very happy together.
2/12
RESPONSE:  MIL != boss of you!
GOOD FOR YOU!!!  Doesn't it feel great to hold your head up high and stand up for yourself??  I did the same thing with my SIL.  She has the same attitude and demeanor as your MIL ... its sickening!!  They are definitely two mold spores from the same block of poop!  Don't ever let anyone run over you!  How dare she treat her son's significant other/fiancée/gf/wife like that.  I'm proud of you for standing up to her! J
2/12
RESPONSE:  MIL != boss of you!
The lady sounds like a lunatic, and it's great that you didn't let her get away with being delusional.  That is, if she read your entire e-mail message back to her.  Did she respond to you after that last one?  And, I wonder if, maybe, right now you and your boyfriend are closer, but what 's going to happen when he makes up with her and you're left out of the loop?  You mentioned that he cares about his family and that he loves you.  So, where was he standing up for you in all of this?
2/13
RESPONSE From Poster:  MIL != boss of you!
Hello!  I'm the writer of MIL != Boss of You.  Thanks for all of your support!  It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who thinks that this was a hurtful thing for my FMIL to do.  My boyfriend WILL, of course, someday resolve things with his mother.  When that day comes, it will be bittersweet for me.  As much as I dislike that woman right now, I love her son too much to entertain the thought that he should feel too badly towards his mother for too long.  The damage is done, and I'm sure that, while sooner or later he may tire of yelling at her, his resentment will last much longer.  We'll just have to figure out, at that point, how we will arrange functions to suit everyone's level of comfort.  I am pretty confident that my boyfriend will not leave me "high and dry" later.  He has defended me from day one about this, and unless FMIL changes her tune, I don't think that he will change his either.  In the end, her unwillingness to make amends with me (or her son) about this will be her own loss.  I think that I offered to help rebuild an already burning bridge with my first letter to her, and she basically doused it with gasoline, instead of getting a bucket to help put out the fire.  Well, thanks for reading my entire, long-winded story!  I really love to have this forum!
2/14
frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL 2 of 4 /Posted: 29-JAN-02
I posted a long time ago (MIL= the boss of you from 2/24/01) about my FMIL and her extremely horrible behavior.  Well, I am happy to have an update to add after a year of feeling nothing but animosity towards this woman.  After my boyfriend paid a visit to his elderly, sick grandparents and their caretaker (his aunt and my FMIL's sister), he had some wonderfully validating, albeit sad, news for me.  I am not the only person that this woman has treated horribly.  And, the majority of her immediate family wants nothing to do with her, and feels that she needs serious psychiatric help.  She has, for the last 3 years, been living in a world of grand delusions, behaving in peculiar ways, and lying (not only to her family, but also to herself).  A few examples of her erratic behavior:  A little background:  FMIL has been feuding on and off with her younger sister "C".  C and her family have been taking care of their elderly, sick parents (Nanny & Papa - who have been hospitalized on and off since September for emphysema and heart problems).  C and her family had planned to host Xmas of 2001 because of their Nanny and Papa's illness.  So, when FMIL's plans for Xmas fell through, she called her sick mother and proceeded to tell Nanny how selfish she was for not hosting Xmas at her house, and for not cooking Xmas dinner herself.  When FMIL's sick father BEGGED his two youngest daughters to repair their relationship, they grudgingly agreed to meet for lunch.  That is when FMIL told C that she thought her Nanny and Papa paid too much attention to C's family, citing the fact that one of C's children had a gate-access sticker for Nanny and Papa's residential community.  FMIL then proceeded to yell at her sister for two hours during their "make-up lunch" about how much she didn't like her (never did), and how she didn't like C's husband or children, either.  When C finally left, she wrote FMIL a letter explaining why she had issues with her.  FMIL went to Nanny and Papa's house in a rage, and accused Nanny of writing the letter!  FMIL has told her other 3 sisters (who do not live near Nanny and Papa) that she visits them regularly to check on them, when, in fact, she was asked to leave and never come back by Papa.  During that incident, she returned two hours later acting as though nothing had happened.  If you read my post from last year, you will see the letter that I sent her telling her what a horrible human being I think she is.  I found out from FDH that she brought my letter to a psychiatrist  Why?  I can not fathom.  As a final insult, we (my FDH and I) received a wedding invitation recently from his cousin (one of FMIL's sister's kids) addressed only to FDH, no "Guest", or acknowledgment of me.  We have been together for nearly 4 years now.  When talking to his aunt (mother of the groom), he found out that FMIL called and specifically told her to address the invitation to FDH ONLY.  Knowing nothing of me (because of limited contact to FDH,), she addressed the invitation as asked.  She was also told that FDH was single and was asked to set up a bridesmaid as his date for the wedding!!  Well, it is clear to me now that this woman is not only a manipulative, conniving b!tch, but also is in serious need of help.  It is a pity that she will continue to lose those close to her, but I must admit that it feels a little good to know that, too.  Am I horrible?

        Signed - Sad Or Glad?

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Sad Or Glad?
Is your MIL my MIL's sister???  My MIL is such a creepy, evil, pathological lying b!tch that her own kids talk badly about her (ONLY BEHIND HER BACK, THOUGH!).  They were taught well to be two faced!

RESPONSE:  Sad Or Glad?
I don't think you are horrible at all.  It's nice to feel some vindication, I'm sure!  Your MIL sounds like a real MIL from he!!.  Good luck in dealing with her.  My advice would be to avoid her at all costs!

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL 3 of 4 /Posted: 9-FEB-02
What in the world should I do when it comes time for a wedding?  We've already decided that SHE won't be invited, but that will leave a noticeably large hole in the ceremony.  His biological father is deceased, and, unfortunately, SHE is the only family FDH has left.  Any advice?  How do I explain her absence to guests?  We WILL NOT elope!

        Signed - Psycho FMIL

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Psycho FMIL
I know a couple who faced the same situation - FMIL was not invited to their wedding a few years ago.  However, the FFIL was living and present at the wedding.  Truly, I don't think any explaining will have to be done.  If she's that bad, then everybody already knows how she is.  And, the people who love you will support your decision.  The couple we know let a FEW key people (very close relatives and friends) know (in a nutshell) that FMIL had been a very bad girl, and wouldn't be allowed at the wedding.  The key people made it easy on the couple, and kind of got the word out so that nobody would dare ask about it on the wedding day.  They had a wonderful wedding day, and all turned out well.  Hope this helps.

RESPONSE:  Psycho FMIL
Why do you feel the need to say anything?  There is a very good chance that no one is going ask about MIL.  Should anyone ask, just smile and say, "I don't know where she is."  You don't need to provide any more info.

RESPONSE:  Psycho FMIL
I know you have made a difficult decision.  However, there is a REASON you made it.  Stay strong.  Remember that your wedding day is YOUR day.  Don't worry about what people think.  Godzilla won't be at your wedding either, right?  So, maybe no one will really even notice.  Have a wonderful day, and I wish you the best of luck.  Keep your chin up, and be proud of YOUR decision.

RESPONSE:  Psycho FMIL
Why explain?  Your guests will figure that, either she disapproves for her own odd reasons, she doesn't care enough about your FDH to come to the wedding, or that you chose not to invite her because you only wanted people at your wedding who were supportive of your marriage.  At any rate, cutting her out of the wedding was a good start.  Now comes the hard part - cutting her out of your lives to the extent that you feel comfortable with.  Good luck - keep us informed!

RESPONSE:  Psycho FMIL
GOOD FOR YOU!  Those close to you probably know the situation with your MIL.  And, more than likely, they won't ask.  If they do, be honest.  It's not like it's your fault that she's nuts.  For those who aren't so close, and who might wonder, don't worry.  If they knew, they'd understand.  And, they probably won't care if she's missing.  This is YOUR day, after all!

RESPONSE:  Psycho FMIL
Don't (explain her absence to guests).  They probably won't ask, and, anyway, if they do, simply say with a smile, "She wasn't invited."  Trust me - they'll understand.

frequent fry her - Psycho FMIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - Psycho FMIL 4 of 4 /Posted: 8-MAY-02
After that whole mess in January when I found out (well, more like HAD REAFFIRMED) that my FMIL is a manipulative, delusional, and narcissistic nut, I found out that she wrote a letter to FDH immediately after the bridesmaid-for-a-date incident, saying that she was sorry for her behavior.  Well, I'm happy to report that FDH called her back and told her that she was apologizing to the wrong person.  He's never really directly stood up for me/us like this before.  You see, he's VERY non-confrontational, which, normally, I LOVE about his personality, but I was starting to lose confidence in him, and all is well now!  Even more good news - I recently had the pleasure of meeting members of his FATHER's side of the family:  His father is deceased, and had only one sister.  I was able to meet her, her daughter, daughter's husband, and their children.  The good news is that I get along with his aunt and cousins very well.  And, while they have no particular ill-feelings toward his mother, she IS the woman who divorced their brother/uncle, so she's not really a father's-side-of-the-family favorite (especially after hearing all about the hell she's put us through lately).  I only wish that his father was alive.  I feel like our wedding will be so lopsided.  At least now I know that there will be some people in his family who are sane enough to attend (his brother is wonderful as well, I should mention!).  We are now house-hunting, and I am getting a small amount of pleasure from the fact that when she writes or calls him at work (as she is NOT allowed to call or write to our home), she says things like, "I can't wait to see PICTURES of your new home!"  HA!  That witch will never step foot in a home I reside in, and SHE KNOWS IT!  As the Beatles sing:  I got to admit it's getting better (better).  A little better all the time (it can't get no worse).  Yes I admit it's getting better (better).

        Signed - It's Getting Better

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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