Don't Bow Down To
Age: 36 MIL
The worst thing about the whole business is that she
doesn't consider what this is doing to her own son. She claims
to love him, but all this is driving him away.
Whenever she rings up and demands he come over (not asking, demanding!)
he usually says, "No, not until you accept my fiancee is my partner
and I love her very much! I don't WANT to visit you, because
you've been so nasty to her!" She usually goes ballistic
at this and says, "Who has been putting these ideas in your head??
I am your LOVING MOTHER!!" Like he hasn't got a brain of
his own. Like I do all the thinking for him!
The second-to-last time I went over there she refused to speak to
me ... turned her back on me! She went up to my fiancé
and gave him a hug; he said," What about (my name)?
Aren't you going to say hello to her?", and she ignored him ...
said "I don't go around saying hello to EVERYONE when they get
here ... grow up!" Maybe she's the one that has to grow
up ... my mother taught ME better than that!
The last time I saw her was when I threw her out of the house.
She'd found that Peter was going against something that she'd organized
for him to do, and she came over and went for him ... then turned
to me and said, "Why can't you let him be a man? Why do
you have to interfere in his business with his mother?
BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO, AND IT IS MY BUSINESS!!
Then, she started on about, "And, anyway, it was you who made
him sick ..." That was it. I stood up and told her
to get out of our house. She did, and I haven't seen, heard
from, or spoken to her since!
She's been busy on the phone, though. Just because I had the
audacity to arrange Peter's health insurance for him ... she called
me a prostitute! She rings Peter on his mobile at work to tell
him that she's the only one who loves him ... she's the only one who
cares, none of my family and I do, not like his loving mother!
She makes snide remarks about how my mother never taught me to respect
others ... yes, she did, and also taught me a healthy respect for
myself! My sister had a MIL who was worse than her, and I've
learned a lot from what I saw her go through.
What really makes my blood boil, is that, in the past, I've gone out
of my way to always be respectful and nice to this person, and shes
thrown it back in my face. Never again. If she cant
work out that shell NEVER split my fiancé and I up, then
shes an idiot.
Signed - Don't
Bow Down To Petty Tyrants ... pt. 4
RESPONSE: Don't Bow Down To Petty
Tyrants ... pt. 4
The only response I can think of for your husband
would be, "If you were a loving mother, you would at least make
an attempt at understanding my feelings. You constantly reject
the person who I've chosen to spend my life with, and have made no
attempt at even getting along with her, much less getting to know
her. You accuse her of 'putting ideas' into my head, as if you
never taught me to think for myself. I think you need to take
some time off and think this over, and when you can discuss it rationally,
RESPONSE: Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants ... pt. 4
Your MIL has a mental problem. So does
mine, and she sounds just like her. I feel for you, but your
best bet is to not have her as a part of either of your lives.
If he agrees, let it be. Don't make any effort whatsoever.
She is either completely evil or insane!
Well, when he got out of the hospital, he had to go
stay at his mothers place for a while. The sisters and
her put so much pressure on him to go there that he decided to go
just to shut them up. That was definitely a mistake, as hes
told me, because he felt as though he was in prison!
At the start, I was going there every day after work and visiting
him. But that soon stopped; she was extremely b!tchy, and very
vindictive towards me, and made all kinds of threats and accusations.
I didn't like not going there and seeing him because I missed him
so much, but at that point I'd had a gutful of her, and was determined
not to let her upset my peace of mind. Which I was struggling
to keep at that stage!
One of the threats was the one I'd already mentioned
she said she would see to it that Id lose him. My fiancé
completely lost it with her when I told him what she'd said; she didn't
see anything wrong with saying it! She didn't understand why
he was so angry with her. God only knows what she was saying
to him about me when I wasn't there. (Actually, shes never
seen anything wrong in what shes done or said to my fiancé
and me.) I was in no frame of mind to stand up for myself, and
resolved not to go there again. I know I made the right decision.
For the last year and a half the harassment has been unbelievable.
Things have only started to improve over the last couple of months,
in that she doesn't call us 10 times a day (or, believe it or not,
on the HOUR!) to see when my fiancé is coming over to visit.
He doesn't tell me half of what she says about me to him on the phone.
I don't think I want to know, either!
Signed - Don't Bow Down
To Petty Tyrants - Pt. 3
Its great to have a site like this where women
like myself can rant ... talk things over ... and find out what others
are going through. After the experience I went through, I honestly
thought I was going to have a breakdown. This woman hounded
and hounded me. Never mind that Id just lost my auntie,
the whole family was grieving, and my fiancé was in the hospital
with a serious illness, she chose to make me a scapegoat. Her
sisters chose to believe the disgusting things she said about me,
and went for me like sharks moving in for the kill. I had asked
the nurses, also my doctor, where this came from; if it was anything
to do with the home environment, they said a definite and resounding
NO! I took this to the stupid woman and her sisters; the sister
who works in a hospital (so shes an authority on everything,
even though shes a SECRETARY there, and nothing to do with the
medical side, and doesn't have a medical degree!) said, They
would have said that just to spare your feelings.
MY MIL forced my fiancé to go back to her place after he got
out of hospital. She told me in one conversation while I was
there that, "If it happens again, you will lose him. I
will see to it." (I think THAT will be my next installment!)
I refuse to have anything to do with these women now. There
is no excuse for what they did to me. My fiancé sides
with me. He knows of the mental torment I was going through.
Hes told his mother that he wont see or speak to her until
she accepts me as his partner. I have a wonderful friend (I
think I can honestly call her one of my very best friends) who knew
what I was going through, and was there for me. (Thank you "C".
From the bottom of my heart.)
Signed - Don't Bow Down
To Petty Tyrants ... Part 2
My MIL has done so much to me that I'll probably need
to put much of it into a Frequent Fry Her thing! The worst thing
she's done? My fiancé and I have been together for 11
years now. We are very happy, and very much in love. And
then there's her. About a year-and-a-half ago now, my Auntie
died after a long illness. I was pretty cut up about that.
Naturally, we'd been visiting her in the hospital, and my mother was
devastated, as she was the main care giver. My MIL was ok up
until then. She helped as much as she could. Even though
we'd never seen eye to eye about much of anything, we were still civil,
and mum really appreciated the help. Three days later, my fiancé
went into the hospital. He was diagnosed with scarlet fever
and cellulitis. It wasn't until the diagnosis that MIL really
flipped out. She blamed me for the whole thing. She said
that it was my "filthy house" that caused it (it was NOT
filthy, and I've seen much, much worse in my time.) She got
her sisters to gang up on me, and basically spent a day berating me
in front of her entire family! To top it off, all of this was
done in the hospital room where my fiancé was still very ill.
Not only that, but she disrespected my mother, and that hurt most
of all. I love my mother very much. She'd been through
so much. She's still playing no speakies to me to this day.
Like I care! Wicked lies have been told about me. For
instance, apparently I am very controlling. My fiancé
is always on a leash. We needed money to pay a large bill, and
apparently I held a gun to his head and demanded that he withdraw
money from his account (which is held in trust by them, because they
don't trust me - after 11 years, for heaven's sake!). I just
want to say to all the other women out there who are going through
this garbage - hold your head high. Don't bow down to petty
tyrants like this. I am lucky that my beloved is behind me every
step of the way.
Signed - Don't Bow Down
To Petty Tyrants
RESPONSE: Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants
I know how you feel. Apparently, my in-laws feel
the same way about me. My husband and I have been together for
7 years, and just recently they decided to tell the world that I am
a horrible, manipulative, malicious person. Not only that, they
decided to send a copy of their announcement to both of my BIL's and
to my parents. That was probably the worst part! Like
you, though, my husband is behind me 100%, and now will not even speak
to them! I have been nothing but kind and generous to them over
the last 7 years ... and it hasn't gotten me anywhere! Now,
all I can say is I learned from this to just not bother with them
anymore! And my advice to you and everyone else out there is
simply this: If it just isn't working with the in-laws, AND
your husband is supportive --- JUST DON"T BOTHER WITH THEM!
And don't take anything they say to you seriously. You know
they are just saying it to be cruel, and if you take it to heart then
they definitely win! GOOD LUCK!
RESPONSE: Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants
They REALLY thought his having scarlet fever was YOUR
fault? Like, he's not capable of knowing he has a soar throat,
and doing something about it? (I say this because my 3 girls
have had strep throat several times EACH, and for 2 of them, one time
it progressed to scarlet fever. It was frightening, and I felt
like a BAD MOM, but it was also over quickly, thanks to modern drugs).
In NO way should any blame land on you for this. Good gravy.
You poor thing. I hope your fiancé understands just how
unreasonably they behaved. They sound awfully ignorant!