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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Don't Bow Down To
Petty Tyrants
Age: 36       MIL Age: 55(?)

Frequent Fry Her - Petty Tyrants Posted: 29-APR-01
The worst thing about the whole business is that she doesn't consider what this is doing to her own son.  She claims to love him, but all this is driving him away.

Whenever she rings up and demands he come over (not asking, demanding!) he usually says, "No, not until you accept my fiancee is my partner and I love her very much!  I don't WANT to visit you, because you've been so nasty to her!"  She usually goes ballistic at this and says, "Who has been putting these ideas in your head??  I am your LOVING MOTHER!!"  Like he hasn't got a brain of his own.  Like I do all the thinking for him!

The second-to-last time I went over there she refused to speak to me ... turned her back on me!  She went up to my fiancé and gave him a hug; he said," What about (my name)?  Aren't you going to say hello to her?", and she ignored him ... said "I don't go around saying hello to EVERYONE when they get here ... grow up!"  Maybe she's the one that has to grow up ... my mother taught ME better than that!

The last time I saw her was when I threw her out of the house.  She'd found that Peter was going against something that she'd organized for him to do, and she came over and went for him ... then turned to me and said, "Why can't you let him be a man?  Why do you have to interfere in his business with his mother?”  BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO, AND IT IS MY BUSINESS!!

Then, she started on about, "And, anyway, it was you who made him sick ..."  That was it.  I stood up and told her to get out of our house.  She did, and I haven't seen, heard from, or spoken to her since!

She's been busy on the phone, though.  Just because I had the audacity to arrange Peter's health insurance for him ... she called me a prostitute!  She rings Peter on his mobile at work to tell him that she's the only one who loves him ... she's the only one who cares, none of my family and I do, not like his loving mother!  She makes snide remarks about how my mother never taught me to respect others ... yes, she did, and also taught me a healthy respect for myself!  My sister had a MIL who was worse than her, and I've learned a lot from what I saw her go through.

What really makes my blood boil, is that, in the past, I've gone out of my way to always be respectful and nice to this person, and she’s thrown it back in my face.  Never again.  If she can’t work out that she’ll NEVER split my fiancé and I up, then she’s an idiot.

        Signed -
Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants ... pt. 4

RESPONSE:  Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants ... pt. 4
Posted: 30-Apr-01
The only response I can think of for your husband would be, "If you were a loving mother, you would at least make an attempt at understanding my feelings.  You constantly reject the person who I've chosen to spend my life with, and have made no attempt at even getting along with her, much less getting to know her.  You accuse her of 'putting ideas' into my head, as if you never taught me to think for myself.  I think you need to take some time off and think this over, and when you can discuss it rationally, THEN call."

RESPONSE:  Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants ... pt. 4
Posted: 30-Apr-01
Your MIL has a mental problem.  So does mine, and she sounds just like her.  I feel for you, but your best bet is to not have her as a part of either of your lives.  If he agrees, let it be.  Don't make any effort whatsoever.  She is either completely evil or insane!

Frequent Fry Her - Petty Tyrants Posted: 16-Apr-01
Well, when he got out of the hospital, he had to go stay at his mother’s place for a while.  The sisters and her put so much pressure on him to go there that he decided to go just to shut them up.  That was definitely a mistake, as he’s told me, because he felt as though he was in prison!

At the start, I was going there every day after work and visiting him.  But that soon stopped; she was extremely b!tchy, and very vindictive towards me, and made all kinds of threats and accusations.  I didn't like not going there and seeing him because I missed him so much, but at that point I'd had a gutful of her, and was determined not to let her upset my peace of mind.  Which I was struggling to keep at that stage!

One of the threats was the one I'd already mentioned … where she said she would see to it that I’d lose him.  My fiancé completely lost it with her when I told him what she'd said; she didn't see anything wrong with saying it!  She didn't understand why he was so angry with her.  God only knows what she was saying to him about me when I wasn't there.  (Actually, she’s never seen anything wrong in what she’s done or said to my fiancé and me.)  I was in no frame of mind to stand up for myself, and resolved not to go there again.  I know I made the right decision.

For the last year and a half the harassment has been unbelievable.  Things have only started to improve over the last couple of months, in that she doesn't call us 10 times a day (or, believe it or not, on the HOUR!) to see when my fiancé is coming over to visit.  He doesn't tell me half of what she says about me to him on the phone.  I don't think I want to know, either!


        Signed - Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants - Pt. 3

Frequent Fry Her - Petty Tyrants Posted: 12-APR-01
It’s great to have a site like this where women like myself can rant ... talk things over ... and find out what others are going through.  After the experience I went through, I honestly thought I was going to have a breakdown.  This woman hounded and hounded me.  Never mind that I’d just lost my auntie, the whole family was grieving, and my fiancé was in the hospital with a serious illness, she chose to make me a scapegoat.  Her sisters chose to believe the disgusting things she said about me, and went for me like sharks moving in for the kill.  I had asked the nurses, also my doctor, where this came from; if it was anything to do with the home environment, they said a definite and resounding NO!  I took this to the stupid woman and her sisters; the sister who works in a hospital (so she’s an authority on everything, even though she’s a SECRETARY there, and nothing to do with the medical side, and doesn't have a medical degree!) said, “They would have said that just to spare your feelings.”

MY MIL forced my fiancé to go back to her place after he got out of hospital.  She told me in one conversation while I was there that, "If it happens again, you will lose him.  I will see to it."  (I think THAT will be my next installment!)  I refuse to have anything to do with these women now.  There is no excuse for what they did to me.  My fiancé sides with me.  He knows of the mental torment I was going through.  He’s told his mother that he won’t see or speak to her until she accepts me as his partner.  I have a wonderful friend (I think I can honestly call her one of my very best friends) who knew what I was going through, and was there for me. (Thank you "C".  From the bottom of my heart.)

        Signed - Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants ... Part 2

Frequent Fry Her - Petty Tyrants Posted: 9-APR-01
My MIL has done so much to me that I'll probably need to put much of it into a Frequent Fry Her thing!  The worst thing she's done?  My fiancé and I have been together for 11 years now.  We are very happy, and very much in love.  And then there's her.  About a year-and-a-half ago now, my Auntie died after a long illness.  I was pretty cut up about that.  Naturally, we'd been visiting her in the hospital, and my mother was devastated, as she was the main care giver.  My MIL was ok up until then.  She helped as much as she could.  Even though we'd never seen eye to eye about much of anything, we were still civil, and mum really appreciated the help.  Three days later, my fiancé went into the hospital.  He was diagnosed with scarlet fever and cellulitis.  It wasn't until the diagnosis that MIL really flipped out.  She blamed me for the whole thing.  She said that it was my "filthy house" that caused it (it was NOT filthy, and I've seen much, much worse in my time.)  She got her sisters to gang up on me, and basically spent a day berating me in front of her entire family!  To top it off, all of this was done in the hospital room where my fiancé was still very ill.  Not only that, but she disrespected my mother, and that hurt most of all.  I love my mother very much.  She'd been through so much.  She's still playing no speakies to me to this day.  Like I care!  Wicked lies have been told about me.  For instance, apparently I am very controlling.  My fiancé is always on a leash.  We needed money to pay a large bill, and apparently I held a gun to his head and demanded that he withdraw money from his account (which is held in trust by them, because they don't trust me - after 11 years, for heaven's sake!).  I just want to say to all the other women out there who are going through this garbage - hold your head high.  Don't bow down to petty tyrants like this.  I am lucky that my beloved is behind me every step of the way.

        Signed - Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants

RESPONSE:  Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants
Posted:10-APR-01
I know how you feel.  Apparently, my in-laws feel the same way about me.  My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and just recently they decided to tell the world that I am a horrible, manipulative, malicious person.  Not only that, they decided to send a copy of their announcement to both of my BIL's and to my parents.  That was probably the worst part!  Like you, though, my husband is behind me 100%, and now will not even speak to them!  I have been nothing but kind and generous to them over the last 7 years ... and it hasn't gotten me anywhere!  Now, all I can say is I learned from this to just not bother with them anymore!  And my advice to you and everyone else out there is simply this:  If it just isn't working with the in-laws, AND your husband is supportive --- JUST DON"T BOTHER WITH THEM!  And don't take anything they say to you seriously.  You know they are just saying it to be cruel, and if you take it to heart then they definitely win!  GOOD LUCK!

RESPONSE:  Don't Bow Down To Petty Tyrants
Posted: 11-APR-01
They REALLY thought his having scarlet fever was YOUR fault?  Like, he's not capable of knowing he has a soar throat, and doing something about it?  (I say this because my 3 girls have had strep throat several times EACH, and for 2 of them, one time it progressed to scarlet fever.  It was frightening, and I felt like a BAD MOM, but it was also over quickly, thanks to modern drugs).  In NO way should any blame land on you for this.  Good gravy.  You poor thing.  I hope your fiancé understands just how unreasonably they behaved.  They sound awfully ignorant!

 


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