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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Outsider DIL

frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 26-APR-10
Has anyone else noticed a grandma/MIL "detox" period with your child/SO?  I have noticed this more with my SO than my child.  MIL enables my SO, and they act more like spouses to each other than son and mother (FIL is, and has been, in the picture my husband's whole life, too).  MIL says that she only gives him x dollars a week.  However, he is somehow able to afford things that would go above and beyond that amount a week.  I am not happy about him depending on his mother instead of working a consistent job and making his own money.  I had a job up until 2 years ago, when I had our child.  I have been looking desperately for a job ever since, without success.  However, MIL seems to think that I should be providing for myself and my children all by myself, with no help from my DH AT ALL.  I am supposed to do this with no childcare.  Meanwhile, DH is supposed to do whatever he wants, and let MIL pay all of our bills.  She might pay the bill on time, or not at all.  She never tells us until it almost goes to collections, or is canceled and we get a notice.  I told DH that I would pay the bills, if he would give me the money to do it.  However, he decided that wasn't a good idea, and wouldn't let me do it.  What is annoying to me is that he gets especially whiny/slackish/bratty/childlike/lazy/etc., after having contact with MIL that lasts more than 5 minutes.  It is to the point that I can tell if he has spoken to her, when I am not around, because of his actions.  I know that it is his contact with her, and nothing else, because he only acts this way after interactions with her, and at no other time.  If he hasn't really talked to her or seen her in a few days, he starts to act like a grown man should.  He will find or try to find some kind of job, act like an adult, etc.  It is like he is quite literally "detoxing" from her influence.  This is not a new thing, and it was worse when we lived with them (we haven't for some time now).  I have severely limited the time my child spends with my MIL because he becomes excessively whiny and bratty, and acts up more after coming back from grandma's.  This is a child who is ordinarily extremely well behaved, and very calm and loving.  He has also started saying things/doing things that neither DH or I say or do.  He isn't really around anyone else, and I have noticed the behavior almost exclusively after he has spent time with MIL, which really makes me wonder about what they do while he is there.  I was just wondering if anyone has noticed this, and what you did to handle it?  MIL and FIL do not live far from us, and I am hoping to change that as soon as we can, as I think that will help immensely.

        Signed - He Gets Especially Whiny/Slackish/Bratty/Childlike/Lazy/etc.
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 31-MAR-10
DH keeps telling me not to buy things for the baby, that "someone" is throwing me a shower?  He keeps saying this any time I start looking at/ buying baby clothes, etc.  However, I don't see who it would be.  My mother and the majority of my family have been out of the picture for a while (the family that I do have live in another state).  MIL has been less than interested in my pregnancy.  She actually said that I ruined her vacation by getting pregnant.  She has been very passive-aggressive towards me, especially since we found out the sex.  There have been several other wonderful comments/actions.  DH's aunt actually made the comment, "When is THAT (referring to my belly) due?"  She did not seem to remember that DH had told her the sex when we found out months ago, or that I was even pregnant to begin with.  She is not old enough for age, etc., to be an excuse.  So, I highly doubt that she is the one throwing me a shower, even though she is the same one who threw one of 6 baby showers for SIL.  This only leaves DH's small group of friends.  It is not very likely that it will be one of them, as most of them aren't in the position to do this, for one reason or another.  The same goes for most of my friends.  MIL also has, in not so many words, told me that I am on my own when it comes to providing clothes, diapers, etc., for this one.  This is because I am having a girl, and she has no interest in our DD, as it isn't a boy.  After having to provide everything for all of my other children (DS, and his older sister, who passed away years ago) I hadn't expected her to step up.  However, I think DH thinks that she is going to just suddenly go and buy this stuff.  He also seems to think that she is going to go and buy diapers once the baby is born.  I cannot rely on her to do that, as well as I would like to have some already here so that we are not having to run out and buy some the minute she gets here.  DH also thinks that one of his friends, who has a little girl, is going to give us a bunch of stuff.  But, this friend isn't exactly "reliable", in my opinion.  I am going on 7 1/2 months, and I am limited on funds.  I cannot afford to wait until right before the baby is supposed to come, and make a mad buying dash for things that I could have gotten on sale.  What should I do?  Should I wait and see if DH is right, or should I just ignore him and get the things that we are going to need?

        Signed - I Am On My Own
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 16-MAR-10
I am so not looking forward to next weekend.  Next weekend, the lady that baby-sat my DH and BIL as children is coming in from out of state with her husband.  MIL called my DH up and informed him that he was BBQing for them next weekend.  I said something to him about it being out of line for her to just tell him he was doing that, like he was a child.  He doesn't mind BBQing though, so he just went along with it.  So, we now get to spend next weekend as well with them and BIL and SIL, as the lady coming to town really wants to see my DH and his brother.  Yesterday, we were required to come to a late lunch (which my DH also primarily ended up making).  I had gone shopping at a thrift store just prior to this, to get a small amount of the little girl clothes and things we need.  I only had less than $20 dollars, but I got a small bag worth of baby items and some things for DS.  I was really excited about them, as I don't get to go shopping much, and I haven't really had the money to get any baby clothes that we need before this.  I was also excited, as I was able to find a lot of nearly new, if not brand new items.  This isn't common at this particular kind of thrift store.  When we got to MIL's, DH encouraged me to take the clothes that I had bought inside and "show them off" to everyone.  I was apprehensive about it, as I felt it would end badly.  But, DH insisted, as he thought it would boost my spirits a bit.  We came in and DH started cooking.  I started playing with my nephew and son on the floor.  Later, DH mentioned showing the clothes that I had bought to MIL and SIL.  I said OK, and he told them that I would like to show them the stuff I bought.  When I started pulling things out of the bag, MIL completely ignored me, and SIL almost completely ignored me.

        Signed - I Felt It Would End Badly
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 22-FEB-10
A little background on my mother:  My mother has an undiagnosed borderline personality.  I have learned this through years of counseling, as well as through my own research.  I was in counseling of my own accord off and on up until about 4 years ago, trying to sort through my mother's actions, and trying to sort out who I was.  I am only 24, and I left at 18, before finishing HS, because living with her was like living in jail, minus the jumpsuit.  I was making enough to support myself for the first time in my life.  I have since finished HS, graduated, and have been in college, when I can afford it.  I was able to go this year, for the first time with financial aid.  I have extremely few positive memories of my childhood or my life before I left home, as a result of my mother's behavior and mental illness.  I remember dreading Mother's Day as a child, because instead of it being happy, it would always end up being bad.  My mother would inevitably start a fight with my father or one of us, or she would say that one of us did something.  Then, she would use it as a reason that her Mother's Day was "ruined".  If we went to dinner or lunch, she would pout and complain all through the meal.  What was always strange to me was that none of my other family seemed to see this.  It wasn't until I was older having conversations with my late grandparents that I found out that they had seen things that I saw.  My mother also tried to have me labeled as mentally retarded when I was a child.  After seeing a neighbor's child and his mom get special treatment by the other neighbors, she tried to convince me that I was mentally handicapped and could not think for myself.  Fortunately, I was a pretty smart kid and realized that I was in no way mentally handicapped.  I asked several people, including my aunt, who was a special ed teacher, if I was mentally handicapped or retarded.  Each of them said, "No.  Who in the world told you that?"  My mother has always blamed me for her behavior.  I was always a pretty easy going kid, as well as very quiet.  I rarely got in trouble.  Since I left, she has also spread numerous rumors about me to my sister and my elderly relatives, whom I rarely get to speak to.  These rumors include, but are not limited to:  I am a drug addict/alcoholic and I prostitute myself to support my habit.  I was cheating on DH, whom she has always hated.  DH and I killed our child (our first child died of SIDS back in 2005).  My parents disowned me after the birth of our second child.  We had a son, and I think that pissed my mom off because she had always wanted a boy.  Shortly after that, she made my father choose between my son and me, or her and my sisters.  Subsequently, I was disowned via email.  When I got married, less than a year later, they got mad at me for not inviting them to my wedding.  They had not spoken to me in almost a year, and had told me to never contact them again.  DM had said, for years, that if DH and I ever got married, she would stand up and object, as well as do other things to make a scene.  I was not willing to chance it.  I figured that if they were really that interested, they would have contacted me well prior to 2 days before the wedding.  They also did not even so much as send DS a card for his 1st birthday.  Then, they sent me an email, the day after my wedding, saying that it hurt them that I wouldn't allow them to see their GS, and that I didn't invite them to the wedding.  If I did not respond in 2 days, it would mean that communication would be permanently extinguished.  I found this rather convenient, as we were scheduled to leave for an out of state trip and to go on our honeymoon the morning after the wedding.  We just happened to stay until the day after that, as we still had a few loose ends to tie up before we left.  I did not contact them, and when I got back from my honeymoon, there were at least 5 new messages from my father.  Each of these seesawed between my mother's words and what Dad thought I wanted to hear.  This Christmas, at the insistence of my aunt, I sent my father and my sisters a Christmas card.  I did not send one to my mother.  As far as I am concerned, she lost her right to treat me as an inferior being years ago, and she has not spoken to me since before DS was born.  I am certainly not asking Dad to choose a side.  I just don't want him to be two-faced and tell my mother everything I tell him.  He wants nothing to do with me until DM starts in on him.  I have also made it clear to him that I have no wish to see my mother again, or have anything to do with her until she is in treatment, on medication, and genuinely apologizes for saying that we killed our first child.  I sent him a birthday message, and have yet to hear anything back from that.  It was a few weeks ago.  I highly doubt that I ever will.  Can someone help me understand what I should do here, at least as far as my dad goes?  He is not in great health and I don't want to add stress to him.  I would also like to see my sisters, but I am afraid they are too blinded by the lies my mother has told them.  Please, no negative answers.  If I had someone else to talk to about this, I would.  But, I don't have anyone, and I need some help.  This is my FOO by the way.

        Signed - No Wish To See My Mother Again
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 16-FEB-10
Both DH and I are also out of work, which has made getting the stuff we need a lot harder.  SIL, who had several baby showers, is much better off financially, as I mentioned in a previous post.  DH and I have not had that kind of money for a while.  I had to also hear, "Oh, poor SIL, she needs the help," after I bought all of my children's clothing and things myself.  My MIL doesn't even ask about our "little one on the way" (and I am going on 6 months), especially since she found out we are having a girl.  She doesn't ask how I am doing, or anything else.  DH recently mentioned to her that we needed some things for the baby, as we had discovered that some of the stuff we already had used for DS had been recalled/pulled off shelves due to safety issues.  She said nothing, and just ignored him.  My parents have been out of the picture for a while.  My mother is mentally ill.  She told people that DH and I killed our first child.  She threatened to do everything in her power to take away any future children we had, as well as other unsavory comments.  She stopped talking to me after I disputed her claim about DD#1's death certificate.  She also does not feel that DS is a happy, healthy toddler.  She forbade my DF and sisters to talk to me.  All of my other family lives out of town.  All of our friends are too busy with their own lives/kids to bother hosting a shower.  Even without gifts, I would just like to have a get together.  I would like there to be something to show that someone, other than my DH and me, is excited about our little girl on the way.  There should be something to celebrate her impending arrival.  I know it goes against the proper way of doing things for me to host my own shower, but it is the only way I see one of any kind occurring.

        Signed - Should Be Something To Celebrate Her Impending Arrival
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 10-FEB-10
I told DH that I was tired of his mother using him.  Tonight, my MIL called DH (after calling him several times today and spending all day with him) to ask him to come down and get his nephew to quit crying.  I had a problem with this, as his mother always does this.  Not to mention that when she is with our child, if she cannot get him to stop crying, we get called home immediately from wherever we are (even if it has only been about 30 minutes since we left). However, with BIL and SIL's child, she makes my DH come down and take care of him.  She has FIL with her, so she is not alone.  She never makes BIL/SIL come home because their child is crying.  Today, BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL, and my DH went to an event, and left me at home with DS.  BIL and SIL dragged our poor nephew around all day, so he didn't get a nap, and was over-tired by the time they left him with the ILs.  BIL's and SIL's should have to deal with the consequences and come home, like we did.  It should not be a totally different standard.  This is just one example of how MIL uses my DH.  I am 20 weeks pregnant and have been furiously looking for a job for nearly 2 years.  DH is unemployed, as MIL had him taking care of his GM, while she and FIL stayed gone, either hanging out with BIL and SIL, or just gone.  His GM passed away last fall, and then his mother started trying to get him to be BIL and SIL's child's 24/7 free on demand childcare service.  I straight out told them, "NO WAY."  MIL also acts like my DH is her spouse.  She has never really acknowledged me as his wife, and acts like I am not my child's parent.  She completely ignores my pregnancy.  While I have some things for DD, there are some things that I don't know if I will be able to get, due to our financial situation.  But, it seems that DH can get all the money he wants from MIL to support his smoking habit, and whatever else he wants to do.  MIL also acts like I am the most worthless person she has ever met, and that nothing I ever do is right.  MIL is also a pathological liar, and doesn't like me around because I see through her lies.  MIL lied to DH about some really big things.  She lied to him about a house, that she bought with his trust fund, getting foreclosed on.  She even lied to FIL.  DH never made solid boundaries with her, and always allowed her to overstep her bounds, especially in regards to our relationship.  He once bought me some lingerie on his debit card, and his mother traced the purchase and saw the lingerie that he bought for me to wear.  I was mortified, as well as embarrassed.  Tonight, when he got home from going down to MIL's to take care of BIL and SIL's child, I told him that I thought it was messed up that we always had to come home, and yet BIL and SIL never have to.  And, I said that I am annoyed that they always will watch BIL and SIL's child, but will never watch our child, especially if it means that I might get the chance to interact with other adults.  I also told him that I am sick of him running whenever she calls him.  BTW, MIL gets annoyed if I answer the house phone instead of my DH.  I said that it (along with the constant criticism and abuse) needed to stop.  He told me to, "Go to hell," and called me a stupid b!tch.  Then, he walked out the door, stating that he was going and not coming back this time.  He just now showed up here at the house, at 12:30 am.  Am I wrong for wanting this to end?  Dealing with his mother has given me anxiety issues (that I never had prior to dealing with her), and is destroying our marriage, as . . .

        Signed - I Never Know When He Is Going To Desert Me For Her
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 9-FEB-10
Last night, MIL actually suggested that DH, DS and I move into the vacant apartment RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO HERS!!!  She was suggesting this like I would love it.  Yeah, we would love to live in an apartment right up next to theirs, so she can hear every word we say to each other and know about everything DH and I do.  That way, she can meddle even more than she already does with us living a block away.  Why don't we just move back into the house?  It would be almost exactly the same, and we all know how much I LOVED that (*sarcasm*).  Fortunately, DH said, "No," as it would be too much like living at the house.  Not to mention that after the baby is born, we are going to need more space than what we currently have here.  And, we will need it to be more quiet.  For what we are paying for rent here, we could have a nice rental house.  We might even have a house payment.  That apartment is fine for MIL and FIL by themselves, but it is really no bigger than the apartment that DS, DH and I share.  MIL keeps conveniently forgetting that we have a little girl on the way.  I think she thinks that if she ignores it enough, it will just go away, which isn't going to happen.  She also had FIL call my DH from work to let him know that MIL didn't have her cell phone, just in case we needed to get a hold of her.  As if we call her every so often anyway.  Both of us were kind of like, "And?"  It's like I told DH, "If he was a 16 year old kid and needed to be picked up from HS or something, I could see them calling him and letting him know that."  But, DH is in his 30's?  Come on.  Even if we had some emergency, and we called her without this "knowledge" and didn't get a hold of her, we still have the capacity to call FIL, of our own accord!!  Imagine that!!!  Besides the fact that FIL would be the more practical one to call anyway, as he gets off work earlier.  He is closer to our delivery hospital, which is where we would more likely be headed, if there was an emergency!!!!  This woman is so clingy and codependent that it is ridiculous.  I cannot even imagine being like this when my kids are older.  Late summer is looking better, as that is when our lease is up.  We plan on looking for a bigger, nicer rental house for the same price (or probably even less).  We are looking further away.

        Signed - The Further From MIL The Better!!!
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 1-FEB-10
MIL makes every situation with her a no win one.  She came after me about not being enrolled in classes for the fall.  I had not enrolled because we had just moved and I had no time to apply to a new school or apply for financial aid.  So, I made sure that I was enrolled for spring semester.  I started classes this last week.  She came over the night before last and started in on me for being in class.  Then, last night, while DH was here, she started trying to give us advice about financial aid loans.  I totally want financial advice from someone who almost had a house foreclosed on them because they blew their mortgage payment on useless cr@p.  They canceled all their credit cards after spending too much at Christmas, saying that the charges were fraudulent, or some such, because the amount was too much.  I have been managing my own money just fine for several years, thank you very much.  I had looked at the loans and come to the conclusion that I would not get them until I was actually at University, because it is pointless to get them for Community College, unless you are taking a specialist type program.  She started going on and on about, "Don't take out loans.  We will pay for you to go, if you need it."  Yeah, because what I want, more than anything, is for her to lord that over me for the rest of my life.

        Signed - Every Situation With Her A No Win One
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 31-JAN-10
When we told her that we were expecting our DS 2 years after we had lost our DD, she didn't say anything.  No congratulations, nothing.  She just ignored me.  When DH and I got engaged (after going on 4 years of dating and being married in spirit for about that long), we got the same deal.  However, when BIL and SIL got engaged and when they announced they were pregnant, there were hugs, congratulations and tons of smiles.  In every one of BIL and SIL's wedding pictures, she is smiling.  She is not smiling in one of ours.  DS was a big boy (9lbs. 8oz.) and was also really tall.  He had some pudge when he was about 3 months, up until he really got moving at 9 months.  During this entire time, both my MIL and FIL kept calling DS "fat".  They would say that he was going to be fat forever because I was "overfeeding him".  DS was exclusively breastfed until he started solids, after which he was still breastfed.  Our pediatrician agreed that you could not overfeed a breastfed baby because they know when they are full and they stop eating.  I was in the process of losing the baby weight at this point as well, so I was eating lots of veggies and other healthy foods.  I made sure DS had mostly organic baby food, as it had fewer preservatives/fillers.  BIL and SIL's baby, who was born a little over 7 lbs, is fed formula every time he cries, for any reason (he needs a diaper change, etc.).  He is overweight for his age.  He weighs what would be OK for a child who is almost 6 months old to weigh, and he is barely 4 months.  Yet, MIL and FIL have never once called BIL and SIL's baby "fat", nor have they said a word to either of them about their parenting.  Everything I do is wrong, according to them.  I was not allowed to go anywhere without DS with me, when he was a baby.  They just didn't want to watch him.  MIL and FIL wouldn't watch him without making it some huge deal, even for just an hour.  They go and get BIL and SIL's baby so they can watch him for however long BIL and SIL feel like being gone.  That is usually about 4 or more hours.  SIL went off to somewhere 3 hours away for 2 weekends in a row, when her child was less than 1 month old, just to hang out with friends and drink.  MIL let her sleep for 2-3 hours while she watched the baby.  DH and I were hallucinating because we were so tired a few times.  MIL and FIL STILL wouldn't take DS for just a little while, so we could sleep.  MIL always has some extremely negative comment about my parenting - how clean my apartment is, etc.  She always waits until my husband leaves, then she starts coming after me about whatever.  When they were here the night before last, she started making some condescending comment about DS watching too much TV.  If he watches anything, it is an educational show.  Even then, it isn't that often.  Then, she started doing her usual nose up in the air look around, which means that she thinks my apartment is a total hole.  She does this even if the place is spotless, which is no easy feat considering I am 16 weeks pregnant and have a 19 month old DS at home.

        Signed - MIL Always Has Some Extremely Negative Comment
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 30-JAN-10
MIL told me to put my belongings (including things I had bought for my unborn child) in a storage unit that she hadn't been making payments on.  No one, other than MIL, was aware of this at the time.  I was told to do this, rather than moving my stuff into her house, when she told her son to move me in with them.  She told me that I didn't have to pay her for it.  Believe me, I asked repeatedly if I needed/could pay for the storage unit.  My apartment was considered substandard by the city, and I was 7 months pregnant with my DD at the time.  Then, she lied to both DH and me for over a year about it.  I found out about 6 months after the fact, when I finally called the facility.  They told me that the unit had been "removed".  I, however, knew that DH wouldn't believe me, as he was still VERY entrenched with his mother, and believed every word that came out of her mouth.  When DH and FIL found out that she had lost the unit (which also had things from DH's childhood), she lied again, making up some sob story about how she had lost some china.  She also did some fake crying.  Note:  The china turned up about 3 years later, and was given to her sister for Christmas, after she commented to SIL and SIL's mom that she was so glad she hadn't lost it.  I was furious.  After my baby shower for my DD, she refused to allow us to take the gifts from the shower out of her bedroom.  I snuck in one day and moved them to the room, at the other end of the house, with the rest of the stuff I had bought for DD.  The day I brought DD home from the hospital, FIL told me that he was "so happy" that I'd "had a girl" because it meant that he didn't "have to have another kid".  When DD was a newborn, MIL went through her clothes and separated out anything she didn't like, including clothes that had been mine when I was a baby.  She took these clothes and hid them in a closet in another bedroom.  She was going to throw them out later.  Fortunately for me, I was still at home with my DD, at this point, on maternity leave, and had been told to clean the spare bedroom out because MIL's sister and her DH were coming into town and needed to sleep in there.  I had hung some of my DD's dresses in that closet.  I happened to glance down, and there was a diaper box.  When I pulled it out, I found it heavy.  So, I opened it, and there were the missing clothes.  I had noticed things going missing for a bit.  However, I had attributed it to being a sleep deprived new parent.  I said something to my DH.  When he asked her about it, she whined in a child like fashion, "But I wanted you guys to use the new stuff."  This was in addition to her acting like I was not my DD's mother, she was.  Keep in mind that I was barely 20, and had to get most things secondhand.  I had a pack of onesies that were new, and that was about it.  I also had a brand new red onesie that my GM had bought.  MIL thinks that when a female wears red, it makes you a whore.  When my DD passed away from SIDS, MIL tried to keep me from being a part of the funeral planning.  She didn't even allow me to look at her obituary.  The obituary didn't mention any of my family, whereas it mentioned her family almost exclusively.  When the death certificates came from the coroner, she took them and hid them before my father came the next morning.  This way, he could not see them.  She also did her level best to sweep my DD under the rug, and act as if she had never existed.  She told me that if she had known certain details of my heritage, that my child was of a particular descent, she would have had her on a monitor from the day she was born.  She made other statements that inferred that it was me and my genetics that killed our DD.

        Signed - She Lied Again
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 27-JAN-10
My MIL is whining about our unborn child's gender.  We found out earlier this week that we are having a little girl!!!  I am so excited.  We already have a 2 year old boy, and now he will have a sister!!!  MIL, however, has done nothing but whine and pretty much ignore me since we found out that we were having a girl.  When she and FIL came to our house to see the ultrasound pictures, she ignored me (didn't talk to me, etc.).  Then, she suggested that she and my DH take a trip to the grocery store, just the 2 of them, leaving FIL, DS and me.  MIL didn't even say bye to me.  She just walked out the door.  When DH came back, his mother was not with him.  She told DH to tell FIL to come down to their apartment when he got hungry.  Also, every time she sees me, she either complains that my belly is crooked (I think she considers this an insult to me, as she says this in her "point-and-laugh" voice), or she completely ignores me and refuses to talk to me or acknowledge me.  She also has demanded that my DH do our grocery shopping with her.  I HATE shopping with her, because all she does the entire time is nitpick everything that I put in the cart.  The food isn't nutritious enough, the juice is too sugary, the cups have something wrong with them, etc.  BTW, I water DS's juice down, and she knows this.  All the snacks I get for him are age appropriate, and most of them are organic and/or low on the junk foodometer on purpose.  I eat pretty healthy regardless, and no this is not a new thing, either.  I don't get her whining or her treatment of me, for that matter.  When BIL and SIL (the other DIL) found out that they were having a boy, MIL and FIL took everyone out to dinner to celebrate.  They haven't even so much as suggested it to us this time, nor did they offer to celebrate with us when I was expecting DS.  This woman also suggested that my oldest child (who died at 2 1/2 months from SIDS) being a girl was "a fluke", because males in her DH's family don't have girls, for the most part (except one brother, who has 4).  She blames me for DD's death, which she told me not long after she died .

        Signed - What?!
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 25-JAN-10
GMIL passed away last year.  After she passed, there was a firestorm of angry relatives contacting us.  They were not in touch with MIL, for some reason, even though MIL is the one in charge of anything GMIL related.  The callers blasted us for GMIL being cremated, there being no instant funeral service, there being no funeral home involved, there being no place to send flowers immediately, etc.  There were also some who were really mad because they believed that they were somehow entitled to some money, property etc.  Also, they weren't mad at MIL, they were mad at us.  They acted as if we were the ones in charge of GMIL's estate!!!!  During the course of GMIL's illness, I discovered that MIL had been telling all of the relatives (pretty much all of them live out of state) that she was raising DS for us.  She had been saying that she was taking care of him all the time (in addition to GMIL, whom she wasn't taking care of, as my DH was doing that), as well as paying for everything for him.  All of this couldn't be further from the truth.  I found this out about 8 months ago, just before my son turned a year old.  For months, she had been trying to act like I wasn't my child's parent, and as if she was.  She had been trying to make parenting decisions for him without asking DH or me, etc.  At this same time, SIL and MIL had been making my wedding planning a living he!! nightmare for over a year.  I was furious.  She actually had the nerve to say this, in front of me, to an out of state relative whom she was on the phone with!!!  I was so mad that I about had to leave the house.  After GMIL passed, MIL's brother asked us to come to his house for Thanksgiving.  DH and I were not really interested, and I had to go and do some stuff for school right around that time.  Additionally, I had been trying for the last several months to go and see my family, as I had not been to see them in about 3 to 5 years, outside of funerals.  The very last time I saw them was my GM's funeral 3 years ago.  I have been trying to get back to see them again, but it hasn't happened.  Then, GMIL got a lot worse, so we couldn't go.  GMIL passed, and we started talking about going.  Then, MIL and SIL decreed that we were all going to uncle's house for Thanksgiving.  So, we got roped into it, as it was implied that going to see their family was more important right now (even though my DH really didn't want to go).  The whole time we were up there, all the relatives kept looking at me and acting towards me like, "We all know you are a lazy, good for nothing mooch and so is your DH.  And we know that (MIL) is the one who really raises and takes care of your kid, not you."  After 2 days in the car and having his schedule all screwed up, DS was, of course, not a happy camper.  So, he was throwing hissy fits every time he didn't get his way.  We were also forced to stay with a relative who seemed to get mad because my 18 month was doing things that a typical child of that age does.  We stopped him before any damage was done.  This relative has older children, so they should remember.  I told them that he was unhappy because his schedule was messed up.  MIL and FIL would come over periodically, just long enough to upset DS, and usually just after I would get him calmed down.  DH was sleeping in the basement, drinking beer every night, and wouldn't get up until 1 pm.  DS was up from 8 AM because, again, his schedule was all screwed up.  I was on my own most of the time that we were at the relative's house.  DH would forget to bring in things like toys, diapers, etc., so that I would not have them in the morning.  So, I would have to go and get them, and I had to ask the relative to watch DS for 2 seconds so that I could run out to the car and get X thing.  This happened twice, and both times they acted like it was the biggest imposition they had ever experienced in their life.  Prior to this, at dinner, DH's cousin's horrible children were knocking my child down and taking his toys, along with not listening to me when I told them to stop.  When I told their dad, who is an actual useless lump, who doesn't parent his children, he did nothing.  Everyone else acted like I was overreacting, even when these children almost hurt my child by knocking him into the fireplace.  Needless to say, by the time we got back home, I was so generally irritated it wasn't even funny.  About 2 weeks ago, a week after we got back from Thanksgiving, I got an email from our reception venue.  MIL had demanded to us that she be in charge of paying, after putting the hall in my name, not hers or my husband's.  It stated that if we didn't pay our past due balance, our account would be turned over to collections.  WHAT???!!!!!  I was told back in August by both DH and MIL that this was paid.  So, I emailed and very politely asked what they were talking about.  They said that they had never received payment on any of the remaining balance due on our venue.  MIL had lied to me, again.  I was furious, as I am currently unemployed and have no way to come up with about $800 to pay this bill, plus late fees, that I am sure have accumulated at this point.  I got a certified letter from them a few days later.  DH showed this to MIL, and she took the certified letter.  I am virtually certain that she will not pay it just so that it goes to collections and screws my credit up.  Worse, it will make it so that I won't be able to get it straightened out until I am in, at the earliest, my 40's.  In her mind, that will make it so that she can control our lives even more.  I have determined that I am NEVER, EVER going to do her any favors again.  That includes signing things because she "can't go and sign it".  She usually needs these favors because she spends her weekends hanging out with SIL.  Speaking of SIL, MIL was trying desperately to get me to come with her and SIL tonight to go shopping for SIL.  SIL needs to get a business suit for her interview in a state that is several thousand miles away.  MIL has been whining and complaining about this, because it means that, boo hoo, SIL and BIL will be moving somewhere very far away.  I know that the only reason she wanted me there was so she and SIL could ignore me and drop my nephew on me like a glorified nanny.  I could spend the evening walking endlessly in circles with DS and SIL's screaming son, while they hang out until the mall closes.  No thanks.  Been there, done that.  No thanks.  MIL also thinks that DH and I should be SIL's free on-demand 24/7 nanny service.  Wrong!!!!  I am trying to find a job, and my DH just got out of taking care of someone else's (namely MIL's) responsibility about 4 months ago.  We have our own responsibilities to deal with right now.  We cannot take on someone else's responsibility.  SIL has her parents in addition to MIL and FIL.  We have no one, as MIL and FIL complain about watching our child for any amount of time, and my parents aren't in the picture at all.

        Signed - They Were Mad At Us
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 24-JAN-10
DH interviewed for a job about a week ago.  I don't think he got it, as they haven't called.  His mother, of course, is not encouraging him to get a job.  Why should she?  It makes him easier to control.  She has him around to basically be her b!tch and do everything for her.  It also gives her another reason to yell at me and treat me like a worthless piece of cr@p.  I feel that every time he goes and applies for a job, she is telling him subconsciously to screw it up, so he doesn't get hired.  Ex:  DH was supposed to take the cars, by himself, and get the tires changed out at a warehouse store.  He told me that he planned to fill out a job application while he was waiting on the tires to be done the next day, as they were hiring.  He also told this to MIL.  The next morning, out of the blue, MIL had FIL stay home to "help" my DH take the cars in.  She decided to take the cars to another store because she "found a better deal".  In reality, that store charged more than the warehouse store.  I cannot wait until this fall when our lease is up, as we will have to move.  Moving to a bigger apartment in the same complex is way too expensive, not to mention that we could rent a nice house with the money we are paying here.  But no, MIL insisted that we move here.  Then, she moved to a place that is LESS THAN A BLOCK AWAY a short time later.  We can move far away so that BIL and SIL will be closer to MIL than we are, and they can do some of the wonderful tasks that get left to us when the PILs go out of town.  That includes tasks like cleaning up after their cat, with no paper towels or cleaner in the house, etc.  And, they can deal with the majority of MIL's meddling.  MIL has had to go with us on several of our last grocery store trips, with maybe one exception.  That means that I get to sit at home with DS while DH and his mother go and do the grocery shopping for my house.  It makes me nuts, because just about the only time I go anywhere, other than school, is when we go to the grocery store.  And, with MIL doing that, I get stuck here at home even more.  She tends to use these grocery shopping trips as times to have heart to hearts with DH. If she doesn't like something I am doing in regard to things that are none of her business, she pesters DH about it.  He comes home mad, and we get into an argument.  MIL calls him AT LEAST 4 times a day.  Most days she calls much more than that.  She doesn't call for any special reason, either.  She just calls and calls.  If she doesn't get him on his cell phone, she calls the house.  If we don't pick up the house phone, she calls the cell again.  Rinse and repeat until DH answers.  She will tell me to tell him something, and then call back and tell him the exact same thing she told me to tell him!!  As of late, she will not even talk to me on the phone.  She immediately asks what DH is doing and demands to talk to him!  There is not even a, "Hi, how are you?"  When we went on vacation once, she called a lot.  It made DH so mad that it was ruining our vacation.  I finally told him to turn his phone off, because she was calling 8 or more times a day and starting fights with him.  After a day and a half, I was all done and wanted to enjoy the rest of our vacation interference free.  He agreed, and turned off his phone.  It was one of the best times we have ever spent together.  We didn't fight once for the rest of the week.  The only other time we have been able to have a MIL-interference-free vacation was when we were on our honeymoon, because we picked somewhere with no cell phone service that was 5 states away!!!  We didn't argue once, either!!!  She is also whining because we are having a girl, saying, "I don't know what to do with a girl."  To that, I am thinking to myself, "Weren't you a little girl once?  Don't you have 4 nieces who were little girls fairly recently, as well as a young grandniece and a great grandniece?"  She said bye to me last night for the first time since we told her we were having a girl.  She also refuses to acknowledge or discuss anything in regard to the baby on the way.  She remains concerned about DS's masculinity.  She has also started taking my son off into other rooms when they come and visit, and when we go and visit them.  Recently, DS has also started calling me by MIL's first name, instead of "mommy" (and it isn't like he spends a heck of a lot of time with anyone other than DH or me), which is creeping me out.

        Signed - The Woman Is Creepy
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 23-JAN-10
DH's aunt threw a baby shower for SIL.  She ended up having 6 baby showers.  I was invited to every last one and was expected to show up with a gift to each.  MIL not only b!tched me out for not going to all of the other showers, she took things of my son's that I was keeping for his siblings, and gave them to SIL.  I don't have money to go buy all new things, and SIL and BIL's dog is notorious for destroying things.  This after I was extremely generous to her with baby shower gifts (none of which I got a thank you note for).  MIL even got mad at me for not giving SIL DS's incredibly expensive baby swing.  She didn't talk to me for over a week because of it.  She also took DS's stroller and threw it out during an outing with SIL.  Then, she bought a girl stroller.  This happened after she and FIL had been saying that DS looked like a girl because I hadn't cut his hair yet (his hair wasn't even that long).  I was upset that she would just throw out something of mine without even so much as asking me.  Along with that, I could have given that stroller to a friend of mine, who is a single mom and desperate for a stroller.  She and FIL actually got mad at me for being kind of peeved about it (even though I thanked them beforehand, and tried to explain why I was upset).  FIL came after me about this one as well.  Of course, he did this while DH wasn't there (this started becoming commonplace for a while, to the point where DH started to feel as if he couldn't leave me alone with them).  When I was pregnant with my first child, MIL took me to a discount department store, begrudgingly, and only allowed me to shop from the clearance racks.  Back then there wasn't one for maternity at this particular store, so I had to get things that were just bigger sizes.  She then went to a yard sale and bought some clothes in the most hideous floral print.  I was still pretty young when I had my first, so it was even more inappropriate.  I saved up a bunch of money and went and bought my own maternity clothes from clearance racks.  I had to pay full price for some maternity jeans and black pants of my own for work.  The Christmas I was pregnant with my second child, MIL bought me maternity clothes for Christmas.  I was about 5 1/2 months and I didn't ask for them, either.  A bunch of them were way too small and had to be exchanged and returned.  She bought them from a large discount store, and didn't keep the receipt, either.  I was working 2 jobs, so you can imagine how much fun that was trying to get taken care of.  I was a lot bigger with my son than I was with my first, so I was already self conscious about my size.  Having to exchange smalls and mediums for large and extra larges was embarrassing. It made me feel bad about myself as well.  When SIL was pregnant, MIL took her, before she even needed maternity clothes, to maternity boutiques and bought her a bunch of maternity clothes.  She did this several times during SIL's pregnancy.  She even made a trip that was supposed to be for getting me a dress for my bridal shower (as I was midway through losing baby weight and had nothing to wear other than some very loose sweatpants).  She spent the trip ignoring me, along with going shopping for herself at an upscale department store.  She made me get a dress for our honeymoon that was too big.  She was bound and determined that DH and I go on a cruise for our honeymoon, even though neither of us wanted to.  She was pushing as hard as possible for us to abandon ship - no pun intended - regarding the wedding plans that we had already made and paid for.  SHE wanted us to have a cruise wedding instead because that was what SHE wanted.  Also, that way she could stick around while we were on our honeymoon and butt in whenever she wanted.  Meanwhile, on a shopping trip that included getting maternity clothes for SIL, I had to take my son (10 months old), who was screaming after sitting for 20 minutes in the same place in the small, back end of this store, and walk around for over 2 1/2 hours.  Then, after the maternity boutique, MIL had to go and get a new phone because she had left her phone on top of the car "by accident", and it fell off and broke.  So, off she and SIL went to the cell phone store.  Meanwhile, I was still having to push DS around.  I had enough time to walk the entire two levels of all 3 of the major department stores in that end of the mall.  MIL took forever to choose a replacement phone, then made them change a bunch of stuff with her plan.  Then, she did a bunch of other stuff that took up more time.  I couldn't try anything on because they wouldn't let me take the stroller in the dressing room with me.  Also, if I stopped moving, DS started screaming.  I did my best to find some things to come back and try on.  I went back downstairs to the cell phone store.  MIL was finally done, and announced that it was time to go home.  I asked about going to find a dress for me, and she didn't even answer.  We got back to the car and went home.  I had to have my DH take me 2 days before the shower to get a $15 dress for me to wear for my bridal shower.  I was furious, as MIL had purposely blown me off again.    She had blown me off before when I had asked her to help me to find a long line bra, as I hadn't shopped for one in 10 years and she had gone with SIL to get one for SIL's wedding.  Every time I asked her, oh, she was busy.  It finally came down to the weekend before I was to have my dress altered.  I asked her if she would go with me.  She was just sitting around watching TV.  She completely blew up at me, saying that no, she wouldn't take me and go shopping for the bra.  If it came down to it, I would have to get it tailored in my nursing bra (a no under-wire, basic cloth nursing bra).  And that would be how it would have to be!

        Signed - She Was Busy
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 22-JAN-10
For my wedding, I was forced to make SIL a bridesmaid.  Then, MIL started pushing for me to put her as my MOH, and started trying to arrange my bridal party for me so that she was in the MOH spot.  SIL also went out of her way to be a pain, as did MIL.  The two of them made it so that I finally went dress shopping by myself.  My parents had disowned me when I was younger, so I didn't have my mom or my sisters.  SIL deliberately tried on the wrong size bridesmaid's dress so that she could say that she didn't like it.  MIL and FIL kept trying to get me to get the dresses that SIL and MIL wanted (full length, for summer - I wanted tea length and got tea length, and all the rest of my wedding party thanked me, as it ended up being 101 degrees with full sunlight during the ceremony).  SIL got pregnant around Christmas, and then I ended up scrambling to find an inexpensive bridesmaid's dress that all my bridesmaids could wear and afford.  All the while, I'm being threatened by MIL and FIL that I better make SIL look good.  I finally found one that wouldn't work with everyone's figure.  It was empire waisted, so it would work for SIL's baby bump.  And, it was tea length.  Well, two weeks before the wedding I got an email from SIL.  "Oh, by the way, my dress doesn't fit."   She and MIL had been talking behind my back about getting her a different dress, so it would look like she was MOH.  I happened to overhear them.  So, I knew it was a ploy.  She started sending me all these pictures of these EXTREMELY too short for a pregnant woman (like, if she were to wear them, her behind would have been hanging out) non-maternity dresses that looked nothing like the other bridesmaid dresses.  I searched and searched.  Literally, every waking moment of my day was spent trying to find her a dress that was similar to the other dresses.  I finally found a maternity dress that was similar enough to the others, and was only $80.  It was really cute.  So, I called her to tell her that I found a dress, and emailed the picture to her.  She called me back, "Oh, where can I go to try it on?" in an excited tone, like a child who had gotten her way with an adult.  I told her that it was on line, and it was a maternity dress.  The way it was made, not fitting wouldn't be a problem, as it was stretchy at the top and you could adjust it.  The bottom was flowy.  She immediately sounded mad.  When I hung up, I told DH, "Watch, I know that she will find something wrong with it."  Sure enough, the next morning there was an email from SIL, "Oh well, this dress is too expensive.  With shipping it comes out to over $100."  That wasn't true, as the site had free shipping, and the original dress was only $70.  She could have returned it, not to mention that she and BIL are much better off financially than DH and me.  She sent me pictures of more dresses that were too short and non-maternity.  I told DH that he needed to speak with his mother and tell her that SIL was going to be out of the wedding, as I had had it with her, at this point, and I was sick of the whole thing.  She had put me behind with my other wedding tasks by pulling her little stunt.  Finally, MIL bought the dress for her, after my DH explained to her that it was either SIL got the dress, or that was it.  He was tired of her and MIL stressing me out about it.  About a week before the wedding, FIL came upstairs and cussed me out about not making SIL MOH.  This, after she didn't mail my bridal shower invitations or my hen night invitations until less than a week before the event, so no one showed up.  Then, she charged my other bridesmaids for all the food that she wouldn't let them bring themselves.  She over bought, then took all the food home for BIL's party the next day.  She called meetings for nothing, at the last minute, and made all the other ladies rearrange their schedules in order to attend.  FIL said that I should only thank SIL, and not my other bridesmaids, because they had "done nothing".  He was trying to blame other stuff on me, like my DH cleaning the fridge and throwing out something of MIL's, etc.  I was so upset by this that I spent about 5 hours in the bathroom dry heaving.  The morning of my wedding, I had made it clear that I wanted to go to this place, near where our wedding venue was, for breakfast.  The plan was to meet up at 9 AM at the hotel up the street, leave MIL to check in, then go to a coffee shop downtown that I loved.  MIL made me late, then made up some story about having a hair appointment that she was running late for.  She dropped me off at SIL's, rather than where we were supposed to meet up with the others, leaving me to try to call everyone at the last minute and let them know to meet us at the coffee shop instead.  Then, when we showed up at SIL's, MIL just sat around for around 30 minutes (more than enough time to get me downtown, to where I needed to be).  We finally got a hold of the other ladies and let them know not to meet us at the hotel.  SIL started trying to change our breakfast location to a place that she wanted to go to.  Never mind that I had stated for weeks that I wanted to go to a particular coffee shop that was closer to everything than the place she suggested.  I finally played my 1 wedding day borderline bridezilla hissy fit card, as I was all done.  So, finally we got everything done, got married, and went up north for a couple of days.

        Signed - Borderline Bridezilla Hissy Fit
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 21-JAN-10
MIL seems to just be so laissez faire about SIL constantly ditching the baby with either her dad (who could barely take care of her dog, from what she said to us) or BIL, and running off every five seconds.  She is always saying "Oh, poor (SIL).  She has to sit by herself with the baby all day and all night long."  I responded with, "So did/do I."  I did and still do, as my DH didn't move from the bed until about 4-5 pm each day, no matter what.  Along with that, DS slept with me, and I exclusively breast-fed.  So, I had him all night as well.  MIL and FIL were no help, either.  They would come home, start watching TV, and get annoyed that DS was making any noise.  Then, I would have to take him upstairs.  MIL replied, "No, you had (my husband's name) there with you all the time, and you had us to help you."  Ummmm, no I didn't.  You might have said, "Hi," to my son in his swing, but that was about it.  The whole time SIL was pregnant she constantly said, "Oh, poor (SIL's name)" this, "Oh, poor (SIL's name)" that.  SIL had significantly fewer complications than I had with either of my pregnancies.  When I was pregnant, both times, she went out of her way to just be mean to me.  With my DD, she made me ride in an unairconditioned car in 100-105 degree temperatures, with a heat index of up to 120.  DD was born midsummer, so I was about 6 1/2 to 9 months pregnant.  Not to mention, I had a lot of serious complications.  The car would also overheat unless you turned on the heat.  We live in the South, so it was very uncomfortable to someone who is pregnant.  She wouldn't even let us borrow her car that had air conditioning, stating that she wanted her air conditioning and she didn't want "fluids" on her seats.  While I was pregnant with DS, she called me up cross country to cuss me out about trying to get a house showing rescheduled.  I was 6 months pregnant, at home by myself, with my dog and with no car.  The house was huge and it was a mess.  It was bitterly cold outside and the jack@ss Realtor was actually cussing me out because I wouldn't let him show the house immediately, and wouldn't go walk around in the freezing cold with my dog for an hour or more.  Then, my MIL called me up and cussed me out twice.  I called my DH in tears, sobbing so hard that he thought something was wrong with the baby.  He was mad enough that he called his mother and wanted the guy's number, so he could basically tell him where to go and to tell him that if he ever threatened his wife again, he wouldn't live to tell the tale.  She did the same thing with the air conditioning in the car again.  Fortunately, with DS I was due in spring, and down here it starts getting hot around the beginning of the season.  Along with the "fluids" comment, she even went so far as to make me sit on a bag when I rode in her car, even before I was anywhere near my due date.  I found it even more ridiculous, as she had GMIL in the back seat of that car, and GMIL regularly relieved herself all over the seats.  For BIL and SIL's wedding, I was told that I had to get a certain kind of dress.  I wasn't even a bridesmaid, and MIL only allowed me to be in about 2 of the total wedding pictures.  I wasn't allowed in the family one at all.  I was forced to walk around with contractions all night, my feet swollen out of my shoes, by myself, because she kept sending my DH off to do things.

        Signed - So Laissez Faire
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-JAN-10
SIL is having a baby in a few months.  She has already had 2 showers that were fairly good in size, and is about to have 2 if not 3 (or 4 - they keep being planned, it seems) more of the same size.  I made her a good sized diaper cake, complete with items inside of it - the whole nine yards.  My new DH and I are currently out of work and we have to live with DH's parents.  That aside, MIL and FIL act like she is the first person in the course of human events to be pregnant.  When I was pregnant with both of my children, they pretty much ignored me.  I had significant complications with my pregnancies.  SIL has had no complications other than a tiny spot of bleeding once.  I had a large baby, and her baby is a normal size.  I am not, by any means, wishing complications on her, nor am I jealous.  I just don't understand how the same person can be so hyperfocused on SIL's pregnancy and completely ignore my pregnancies.  Tonight, MIL told to me that I needed to buy another gift for yet another shower for SIL.  I have been invited to one this Friday and another one for SIL after that.  There is talk of yet another one.  I told MIL that DH and I are broke.  We are both trying to find jobs, with no success.  We couldn't afford to buy another gift for SIL (not to be selfish, but our DS needs food and diapers, too).  SIL and BIL are also better off than us at the moment.  They have a house and 2 cars, and both have great jobs with great insurance and benefits.  Is it rude of them to keep requiring us to get them gifts for every one of these showers?

        Signed - I Just Don't Understand
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frequent fry her - Outsider DIL Frequent Fry Her TM. - The Outsider DIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 19-JAN-10
Last night we went out to dinner for SIL's birthday.  DS got fussy before the food came, so DH took him out.  We have also been trying to teach him not to throw fits while we are out, especially at restaurants, as he has gotten more and more tantrum-y since he hit 1 year.  DH came back with him when the food came, and we fed him.  Then he started screaming.  So, I took him out of the high chair.  He continued to scream and MIL offered to take him.  But, I knew that he would just continue to scream because he wouldn't want to go to her.  DH wasn't there, so I went for a walk down to the bookstore, which was down the street.  When I came back, they were leaving to go to some dessert place.  SIL wanted to go, too.  So, we walked with them all the way down to this place, which was at the other end of the street.  We went in, and DS started trying to make himself throw up (he does this when he gets bored).  He almost succeeded a couple of times before I held his hands away from his mouth.  He then started screaming again.  I was getting looks of death from a guy in the corner, who I believe was the owner.  We were also disturbing several customers, so I took DS outside.  MIL asked about getting him an ice cream.  Like he needed it - it was well after 9:30 pm at this point.  Besides, he didn't need the sugar.  I told her, "No," because he didn't need the sugar this late.  She felt the need to ask me this as I was hauling my screaming child out the door, while receiving dirty looks from virtually every customer in the establishment, as well as the owners at this point.  I got him outside and we looked at the shop windows.  DS was fighting me tooth and nail while I tried to put him into the car seat.  He is very strong for his age, and you have to practically pin him in the car seat in order to get him fastened in it properly.  During this ordeal, DH decided to come at me about putting him in the car seat.  I told him, "You wanna do this?  Fine.  Here.  Have a ball."  Then I walked off.  I came back when he was done putting DS in his car seat, and got into the car.  Then, when we got home, MIL started doing her cutesy, "Mommy, I'm tired," thing that she does when she wants me to go away so she can be alone with my DH.  She says things to him that inevitably end up causing us to have an argument.  I went upstairs, because at this point I was furious with her.  I know that she and her husband are going to use this as a reason to b!tch me out later.  I know that DH and I are going to have yet another argument caused by his mother.  Sure enough, when I talk to him later, he will start in with the criticism, "You don't do this right."  "You should feed him more (which I know came from his mother - she thinks that a veggie burger or the soy nuggets we give him from time to time don't count as food, and the only thing that does count, in her opinion, is meat, and lots of it)."  He will say that I shouldn't have taken DS out of the restaurant when he was screaming.  Instead, I should have given him to someone else, etc.  This, after the everyday criticism of my parenting from both MIL and FIL.  Now SIL has started trying to join in.  GMIL tries to yell at me about how I raise my child, and now DH decides it's a good time to get in on the action?  I am so mad as I write this - it is almost unbelievable to even me.  I love DH, but he lays in bed most of the day and doesn't work.  His mother, from what I can tell, is a pathological liar with codependency issues.  This is in addition to her being one of the most manipulative people I have ever met.  The only other one being my own mother.  FIL lets MIL have whatever she wants all the time because he thinks that if he doesn't, she will cheat on him again.  He believes the ridiculous lies that MIL spins, even though she % &*ed his best friend and cheated on him for months, if not years, with said best friend.  He comes after me because I refuse to believe what I know is a lie.  This woman has lied to me, more times than I can begin to count, about everything from the important to the mundane everyday cr@p.  She is now pawning off GMIL on her sister and brother for the next 4 months because she's "so exhausted from taking care of her".  Yeah, I'm sure that seeing her for about a total of 45 minutes a day, during which time you feed her dinner and put her to bed, is positively exhausting (and MIL isn't that old - she is only in her 40's).  The rest of the time, she makes my DH and me or FIL take care of her and clean up after her.  She refused to hire a nighttime care giver for GMIL, even though it has been recommended strongly by more than one person who gives her care (physical therapist, doctor, etc.).  She makes DH do it so he can't get a paying job, and then she has a way to manipulate him and control his entire life.

        Signed - It Is Almost Unbelievable To Even Me
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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