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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Empathy4U
Age: 25    MIL Age: 54

Sweet or Sour Today?

frequent fry her - Empathy4u Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u/Posted: 27-MAY-03
My husband's parents are divorced.  My FIL lives with his brother (DH's uncle) and their mother (DH's grandma).  FIL works part time as a bartender in a few different bars.  Our second son is turning one in a couple of days.  FIL has never seen him.  He lives in a large city, in a dangerous area of town, so we don't visit.  We've invited him to our home several times.  He has seen our older son twice.  He does not send birthday or Christmas cards, letters, or any form of acknowledgment.  This same man will call my husband to lay a guilt trip if he doesn't get a gift from us for his birthday, Father's day, or whatever.  We don't know why he has refused to have contact with his first, last, and only grandchildren.  He always makes up an excuse.  His excuse for not attending the baby's birthday party was that he had to work.  He knew for 3 months in advance, and got the paper invite one month in advance.  So, my DH called him on it, saying that he had plenty of time to get the day off.  FIL said, "Well, I have to take your uncle to work because his car is in the shop."  DH said, "Uncle doesn't work on Saturdays."  FIL said, "He does this week."  DH said, "Uncle could take the bus."  FIL said, "He doesn't want to.  I got to go."  Later, my husband called his grandmother.  She was very mad, because she wanted to come very much, but she is very old.  She can not drive, and she can not travel alone.  We offered to go get her, but it was too little notice for her to get her medical things together.  I think part of FIL's problem is that he doesn't want to be old enough for grandchildren.  When I was pregnant with our first, he was not pleased, and told DH that he was not old enough to be a grandpa yet.  My husband and I are not very young parents, and FIL is closer to 60 than 50.  I'm glad that my kids have three other grandfathers, so they might never notice that one is missing.  I told DH that I hope he doesn't change his mind years down the road and decide to start playing grandpa for whatever reason.  Hypothetically, I'd be so mad.  But could I really not let him see them?  I don't think so.  Thoughts?

        Signed - Disappointed, Upset and Probably Irrational

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Empathy4u Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u/Posted: 3-MAR-03
I talked to my MIL on the phone a week or so before they came for our Christmas get together.  She asked if we still had a queen sized bed.  I said that I wished we did, but we only had a full sized one.  When they arrived, they had perfect gifts for their grandsons - a wooden animal puzzle for our 2 year old, and an adorable musical octopus for our 9 month old.  We got a flannel sheet set.  This was a good thing, as I love flannel sheets.  But these were in a queen size.  She explained that since we planned on getting a new bed soon, she was giving us sheets for it.  The thing is that, as much as I'd like a larger bed, we have no plans to get one anytime soon.  We took them to the chain store that she got them from, but since it was after Christmas, all the flannel sheet sets are gone.  Bummer.  We got a gift card instead, and will wait until they get them back in.

        Signed - Thank You, Nice Try

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Empathy4u Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u/Posted: 12-APR-02
In general, I get along with my MIL (I'd say 95% of the time).  But, when she annoys me, it's really bad!  We just had our second son on March 29.  MIL and SFIL came to visit on April 3.  They completely disregarded our wishes.  Before they got here, DH told them that our toddler was still adjusting, so DO NOT get him worked up.  FIL ignored that, exhausting our son to the point that he passed out on the floor early evening.  I went to put him in his bed, and FIL kept telling me to leave him there, and wake him up so we can play.  I gave him a look and repeated that he was going to bed (of course, he woke up two hours later, and would not go to bed at bedtime).  FIL actually tried to sneak into his room, when I was not looking, to wake him!  Fortunately, I caught him.  MIL was holding the baby, and kept jiggling her arm.  He was startled by this continuously.  I asked her to stop, but she insisted that the baby was dreaming, and it wasn't her.  We also asked them to keep the noise down.  They actually said, "NO, he (the baby) had to get used to it."  I flat out said, "No, he does not, this is a quiet house."  Then, when my DH was taking them back to their hotel, they asked how the circumcision went.  Our first is circumcised - the baby is not, and will not be (LONG STORY).  They just went off on DH and would not let up.  Grrrr.

        Signed - Ticked Off And Have A Headache!

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Empathy4u 1 of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 5-SEP-01
Each Christmas, my MIL gives nice presents that she puts lots of thought into.  She asks what we want, plus she tries to surprise us with other things.  My favorite part:  In addition to "normal" gifts, she puts together a stocking for us (mostly me) full of free samples, trial bags of coffee, pocket calendars, etc.  When we lived in an apartment with a pay laundry, rolls of quarters.  J.  You should have seen last Christmas.  Her first Christmas with her only grandchild.  One odd thing, she would not come to our house.  But she insisted that we come to their hotel, even though it was getting late.  It worked out okay.  My son was so spoiled.  Unfortunately, she got him an adorable winter outfit that was way too big, and it was June before it would have fit him.  I didn't say a word.  I was not going to burst her happiness with the day.  This woman is a loon, and I like her, even when she gets on my nerves.

        Signed - Loopy But Lovable

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Loopy But Lovable
Posted: 27-SEP-01
You are lucky to have a caring MIL.  Everyone has their quirks, but at least she is thoughtful.

RESPONSE:  Loopy But Lovable
Posted: 28-SEP-01
At least you get to laugh.  She sounds like she is really trying, and I'm so proud of you for staying quiet and just letting her be happy.  Maybe you can take it back though, who knows.  I like to read good stories on here.  It shows that all MILs aren't so bad.  J

frequent fry her - Empathy4u 2of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 12-OCT-01
This isn't much of a gripe, it is more like asking for advice.  My MIL keeps asking if we are coming for another visit before the snow comes.  We have been telling her, "Maybe."  This is the thing - she lives 3.5 hours away, in a village in the woods so tiny that there are a few homes, no school, and a restaurant/gas station combo.  This is important to the story, because the nearest hotel is an hour away.  Staying for several days and driving 2 hours every day is not my idea of a good time.  FMIL's home is a one room A-frame cabin with no room for guests, but they have a camper.  We went to visit earlier this summer and stayed in their camper.  The camper and the house were filthy - not just dirty or messy, but 100% condemnable.  For example:  In the house, there were swarms of ants all over the food shelves.  She kept most foods in sealed containers, but does not wipe up spills.  FIL smokes a pipe, and knocks out the old tobacco flakes onto the floor (my son was a crawler at the time of the visit).  Though not dirt related, there are 5 loaded guns in the house, four on low tables and one on the headboard of FMIL's bed.  This last one I did not know was there until my son picked it up!  The camper was just covered in dirt and dust.  The blankets on the bed were even dirt covered.  She didn't even bother to have clean sheets.  Fortunately, we brought along our own pillows and bedding for our son.  How can I tell the woman that we are not coming because her place is disgusting?  She can hold a grudge longer than anyone I know if she feels like she did nothing wrong.  My MIL is okay.  She is just strange.  The state of her home shocked me because it was very clean last summer, and in her regular house before she moved, it was always nice to be there.

        Signed - The Loopy MIL

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  The Loopy MIL
Posted: 18-OCT-01
The fact that your in-laws keep loaded guns within a child's reach in their home is all the excuse you need to stay away.  I would NEVER bring my children to a place like that!  Your DH should explain this to his parent's in no uncertain terms:  His children will not enter that house with loaded guns lying around.  Period.  End of discussion.  Nonnegotiable.  Every year children die because people don't bother to lock up their guns, and children are very curious.  Your son could easily shoot himself, and you would have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life!  Tell your DH that there is no way will you risk your children's lives like that.  I would hope you don't have to convince him of the danger.  If they don't agree to get rid of the guns, can you rent an RV that you could park in the driveway?  Or could they come and visit you?  They could even stay in a local hotel.  Tell them that your son is at an age where he is too antsy to sit for long car rides.  Could they stay with you even for a couple of days?  You do have choices and options.  Don't let them guilt you into doing something that is completely dangerous, not to mention unhealthy, for your children.

frequent fry her - Empathy4u 3 of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 01-DEC-01
This isn't a complaint, it is a happy story.  We had my FIL, his brother and mother over for an early Thanksgiving/Christmas.  They live across the state, and neither side likes to travel often.  They came with armloads of gifts.  This was a big surprise, because we got them one thing each.  We are thoughtful gift-givers, and they loved their gifts.  They had picked out very thoughtful toys for my son, and special ornaments that my DH collects.  They gave us a family gift of a rotisserie machine.  They apologized profusely for not having several gifts for me as well.  They were not sure what I'd like, and didn't want to get me something I had no use for.  I opened my Christmas card, it was full of $ money $.

        Signed - My Wonderful In-Laws

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  My Wonderful In-laws
Posted: 16-DEC-01
Good for you!  It's nice to hear about the good IL/family relationships!

RESPONSE:  My Wonderful In-laws
Posted: 16-DEC-01
You are very lucky.  Count your blessings.  Unfortunately, I do not have a like story to tell.  Your story doesn't exactly help me feel better!!!  May you have many more wonderful Christmases with your in-laws!

RESPONSE:  My Wonderful In-laws
Posted: 16-DEC-01
Nice to hear!

frequent fry her - Empathy4u 4of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Empathy4u 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 28-DEC-01
My FIL had very touchy back surgery on recently.  Instead of calling to tell us everything went fine, MIL wrote a letter to a family friend and asked her to email us to tell us the news.  Very, very weird.

        Signed - Being A Shade On The Loopy Side Again

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

 


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