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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Done With It
Age: 24    MILAge: 60

frequent fry her - donewithit Frequent Fry Her TM. - donewithit /Posted: 22-FEB-14
Skilled by a touch to deepen scandal's tints,
With all the kind mendacity of hints,
While mingling truth with falsehood, sneers with smiles,
A thread of candor with a web of wiles;
A plain blunt show of briefly-spoken seeming,
To hide her bloodless heart's soul-harden'd scheming;
A lap of lies, a face formed to conceal;
And, without feeling, mock at all who feel:
With a vile mask the Gorgon would disown,
A cheek of parchment, and an eye of stone.
- Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron)

        Signed - My MIL's Personality
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frequent fry her - donewithit Frequent Fry Her TM. - donewithit , 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-OCT-09
The Beginning.  I got pregnant before I married DH.  We got married about a month after I found out.  This was in 2003.  MIL was thrilled, and said that my FIL was, too.  She took me out to buy my wedding dress and my ring (I bought my own ring, she bought my dress).  Yes, I did have a DH problem, because he let his mommy come with me to buy our wedding rings, instead of him coming.  Thinking back on it, that really was bizarre.  But, being young, I didn't think about it much.  I thought she was really nice, but very gossipy.  We got married, and she just LOVED showing me off to everyone.  I didn't know then that she thought that I made her look good.  We are of different ethnic backgrounds, and she thinks her son married up because of the way I look.  They don't speak a word of English, but I'm able to talk to them since I speak their language, lucky me.  Stupidly, we moved in with them and got no privacy.  She was constantly making me drive her places.  She can't drive, and I translate for her.  She asked my DH about my skin tone “all over” my body, which freaked me out a bit.  She also told me, after we were married, that I was going to be DH's "whore" for the night.  My FIL told my aunt, at our reception, that he didn't know if our marriage would last very long because we didn't know each other very well and we were from different cultures.  Thanks for the encouragement, FIL!  MIL told my aunt, and everyone else who would listen, how she was going to pay the rent on our new apartment.  But, that was just another lie that never came through, just to make herself look good.  We finally were able to move out, but they had a key to our apartment, since FIL worked there.  If I didn't answer the door when they came over, sometimes, they would let themselves in.  That didn't happen very often, so I let that slide.  You'll see a pattern here, with me letting things slide.  All through my pregnancy she called the baby "my baby", and that really bothered me.  Unfortunately, they were shoved completely down my throat, because we all worked together at the time, and I couldn't get away from them.  DH was spineless.  I was only 18 and felt like I had to take everything in order to be respectful.  She somehow talked us into buying a car that we couldn't afford.  DH was always letting her talk us into things, and we ended up having to move back in with them.  Oh, how stupid I was back then.  They bought us a crib and bedding.  That sounds nice, except they didn't ask us if that was OK, and didn't ask us what colors we would like or anything.  Just another thing for them to control.  Every time we would want to go somewhere at night, they would jump out of bed to grill us about it, because they wanted to know immediately when I was going to the hospital, so they could wait for the baby to be born.  Throughout my pregnancy, she liked to comment on how FAT I was getting, even though I only gained 20 lbs and am a very small person to begin with.  I was eventually induced, and she just HAD to come up to the hospital so that she could see what room I was in, as I wouldn't allow her to stay with me.  When we brought the baby home, which was their apartment at the time, she just wouldn't leave me alone.  She came and touched my breast one time because she thought the baby was suffocating while I was breastfeeding.  She was against breastfeeding, and was delighted when I gave it up.  One time, I left the baby with her so that DH and I could go out.  When I got home, she was feeding him tea, and hadn't given him any milk.  He was only a month old at the time.  She said he had colic, which he didn't.  He hardly ever cried.  I told her that tea was not a substitute for food, and he was too young to have it.  He ended up having a UTI and kidney infection, and had to stay in the hospital for 3 days.  I was so depressed, because I had no privacy.  I had to stay in my bedroom all the time so that I could try to be away from them.  I got postpartum depression.  I finally forced DH to move us out, and we were able to move to apartments that my FIL didn't work at, so they didn't have a key.  When we were moving, she threw some of my stuff away because she said I "didn't need it".  They came over almost every day, and she would complain that my furniture was too dusty.  I told her that I really didn't care, and that shut her up.  I wish I'd stood up for myself more, though, because that was few and far between.  I continued taking her everywhere.  She would baby-sit my son almost every night so that I could go eat with my DH at work.  Every time she watched him, he would get hurt.  That should've been a sign to me that she wasn't taking very good care of him.

        Signed - Oh, How Stupid I Was Back Then
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frequent fry her - donewithit Frequent Fry Her TM. - donewithit, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-OCT-09
I had to be induced during my labor with DD.  I had told DH, in the very beginning of my pregnancy, NOT to tell his parents when the baby was due, and that we'd let them know AFTER the baby was born.  I didn't want them coming up and bringing everyone they knew right after I had her, like they did when I had my DS.  Since I set an exact date for the birth, it was even more important that they not be told.  I reminded DH, once again, to please NOT tell them.  Guess what he did?  Yes, he told them, even after I had begged him not to throughout my whole pregnancy, and he had AGREED!  I was so angry with him.  I packed his bags and left them at the front door for him to see when he got home from work.  I told him to go move in with his mommy and daddy at their wonderful new house.  He apologized, and we had a long discussion about how he always put them first; spent hours at their house on the weekends, instead of with his family; NEVER stood up for me; and basically treated me like cr@p.  He realized that he had been rebelling against me, like I was his mom and he was a teenager, because he had a messed up view because of his mom.  He told me that he told her about the due date because he wanted to show me that he didn't have to do what I say.  I reminded him that I was not his mother, I was his wife, and that we were equals.  He apologized for being so immature.  He swore to me that they would not bother us while I was giving birth, because he would tell them and they would have to do what he said.  I asked him why he thought this, since they had never listened to him before.  What a joke!  I was in labor for 13 hours and was puking.  Apparently, his mommy just couldn't wait for him to call, and started freaking out.  She called his cell phone probably about 15 times, and I told him to turn it off.  He didn't answer it.  Then, the idiot called MY cell phone.  Yes, she called the woman who was in labor!  I told DH to call her back and see what the he!! she wanted.  He called her, and she had the nerve to yell at him because he didn't answer the phone.  He told her that she shouldn't have been calling, because I was in labor and I was sick.  He was really mad.  She started crying, as usual, and said that she just wanted for him to be haaaaapppy.  She was lighting candles and praying, or so she says, anything to be dramatic.  He let her off easy, once again, because he felt bad.  Oh, how I wanted to strangle him.  He wouldn't even hold my hand through labor, but that's a whole other story.  I finally had my DD, and invited the family up.  MIL was really quiet, and seemed like maybe DH had talked some sense into her.  She seemed to actually be normal for a few weeks, except for the time when she wanted her friend to come up to my apartment to see the baby, and I didn't want her to.  She made her disappointed face, that I hate so much.  One day, DH and I were going to the grocery store, and she offered to watch my DD and DS.  It had been 3 years since she had watched my son, so I said, "OK."  I was going to give her another chance.  When we got back to her house, my 5 year old DS was out in the front yard BY HIMSELF, chasing a cat around.  We went into the house, and there was no one to be seen.  MIL, FIL, and one of her horrible friends, who has said some sexual type things to my DH, were all in the back with my DD, changing her diaper.  She had let my DS outside all alone, where he could have been run over by a car, or someone could have taken him.  Their neighborhood isn't all that great.  I don't know why he couldn't have played in their big backyard.  She never apologized - she never does.  I decided that that was it.  She was never going to watch them again, no matter how much she whines and cries, which she always does.  She can NEVER see them enough.  Every time we'd see her, she would complain how she never saw them and never got to baby-sit.  When DH confronted her about all this, she just cried and said how much she loooovvvvesss her GC.  She finally did show her true colors to my DH when she said that it was her house, and that she could do as she pleased.  DH was finally on my side!

        Signed - She Never Apologized - She Never Does
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frequent fry her - donewithit Frequent Fry Her TM. - donewithit, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 1-NOV-09
At one point, I decided to be a SAHM, and MIL did not like that.  She was constantly saying how hard it was, and how "delicate" I was.  She wanted me to go and get a job so that she could stay home with my DS and we could pay her.  She wanted us all to live together.  Like I would pay her to stay home with my son, when that's what I wanted to do!  We were having some tough times, financially, so I went to work as a housekeeper.  MIL said that I was too delicate for this work, too.  The last week I was working there, after I gave them my 2 weeks notice, she took care of DS so we wouldn't have to pay the daycare extra.  All she fed him was chips, cheese and other various stupid things, no real lunch or breakfast.  He was anemic, at the time, because he wouldn't eat at daycare and he kept getting sick (he was 2 at the time).  That was the reason I was quitting.  I didn't know that she was doing this until later, though.  He wasn't pooping, so his doctor told me to give him an enema, which was so awful it made me cry.  She then told me what she had fed him.  I was so mad that I didn't let her watch him for 3 years after that.  I started distancing myself from her.  She was really the only reason my DH and I fought; he just didn't want to see who she really was.  DH has a brother whom he didn't know about until he was 17.  MIL is originally from another country.  She left DH's brother when he was about 2 or 3, and never returned.  She never even called him.  His brother's wife actually went on a talk show and tricked his mom into being reunited with him.  This was when my DH found out that he had a brother.  He also has 2 sisters in a different country, whom his dad all but abandoned.  I have never met them, and my DH only saw them when he was a baby.  FIL left his wife for my MIL, and they only just got married about 3 years ago, after living with each other for 25 years.  She was such a horrible mother to my DH.  He fell from the second story of their house, on his head, when he was 18 months old, and he almost drowned in a fountain at age 2, when she left him with a 4 year old, who was supposed to be "watching" him.  She also gave him boiling hot water in his bottle, and wondered why he wouldn't drink it and only cried.  She put him into scalding water when she was giving him his first bath.  They took him to a priest, when he was a little boy, because they thought he was seeing evil spirits.  She also used to look at his penis, when he was little, and tell him, "I wonder who's going to be eating that."  DH doesn't see anything weird about this, though.  She believes in some kind of voodoo cr@p, and tries to take out the "evil eye" by moving an egg all over your body and then breaking it into a bowl to see how many white spots or "evil eyes" you have.  When my son had the UTI, when he was a baby, and was running a really high temperature, she grabbed him and had to do the egg thing on him before she'd let us take him to the hospital.  I was such a doormat!  It makes me feel so mad and guilty to think of the danger I put my son in with her.  She lies constantly and is always telling everyone how great her son, my son, and I are, even to the point of lying about things we have or have done.  She only does this so people will be jealous of her, which is her life goal.  She is obsessed with us buying a house and having a new car, none of which we can afford.  They have a house in another country, which they have been talking about selling for years and years.  They promised my DH that he could have the money from the house as an inheritance.  But, now they say they'll give him half, which is still a nice sum of money.  She wants us to put a down-payment on a house with that money, but DH said we need to pay off our credit cards.  We have some debt from when we didn't have medical insurance, and that really pisses her off.  I told him that she wants us to buy something that everyone can SEE.  If we pay bills, no one can SEE her generosity, therefore denying her narcissism supply.  I told him not to hold his breath on that promise, since this isn't the first time she's promised us something in front of others and not delivered.  She used to say that she would buy my DS formula and diapers every time she got paid.  It never happened, and she never brought it up again.  She also said that we should not sell our car because she was going to buy it from us, make payments, and give it back after they paid it off.  That never happened, either.  I eventually did sell the car.  She gets really creepy close to her friends-of-the-moment and spends every waking moment with them.  Then, all of a sudden, those friends are gone and she has new friends.  She cannot keep a friend without having a major fallout with them, eventually.  She ran away from the country where she was living with my FIL and DH because people started to see through her and hated her.  She couldn't take it anymore.  I had 3 miscarriages over the course of 3 years.  I thought she'd be understanding and sympathetic, since she has had a few miscarriages of her own.  She lost my DH's sister in a natural disaster a while back.  Boy, was I wrong.  She didn't seem to really care about the first miscarriage.  I had a D and C with the second one, and she took us out to lunch, which I thought was nice.  She said something to me like, "Doesn't that just mess up all the plans you had?"  To me that was hurtful, and the way she said it was kind of gleeful.  It was creepy.  Then I had the 3rd miscarriage and another D&C, and she didn't seem to care too much about that one, either.  Later on, she kept asking me when I was going to give her another GC (this after having 3 miscarriages!), and she asked my DH as well.  He just told her, "When God decides to give us another baby, we would have one."  When she asked me this question, she seemed to take pleasure in it, like it made her satisfied that I couldn't have another one, just like her.  I think she didn't want me to outdo her or something, since she didn't really seem to count her other son.  I finally got pregnant with my DD, and she was healthy.  My MIL started to really show her true colors after I found out I was pregnant, and that I was having a girl.  She also bought a house during that time, and that made her narcissism start to go out of control.  At my baby shower, she made everything about herself, and talked and laughed very loudly.  That was OK with me, since she really only invited her friends to it and I didn't want extra attention because I'm pretty shy.  This is nothing new, since at every birthday celebration I have, she always has some kind of drama happen to take the focus off of me.  One year, she didn't get to come over on my birthday.  When my DH went by to pick up whatever it was she got for me, she started crying and saying that I didn't like her.  This was out of nowhere, because I have always been very kind and considerate of her.  Even my DH can find no fault in my behavior towards her, ever.  I called and thanked her for the gift, and she had that flat/upset voice.  I just ignored it.  I'll tell more about last year's birthday in a minute, because it was one of the catalysts of the cutoff.  How I love that word!  We also had to spend every Mother's Day with her.

        Signed - Cutoff. How I love That Word!
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frequent fry her - donewithit Frequent Fry Her TM. - donewithit, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 2-NOV-09
When my DS was 2, we had him christened in the Catholic church because this was important to my DH, who was Catholic at the time.  He's since converted to my religion, though.  My PILs, of course, came to this and made a big deal about it.  Fast forward to my DD being dedicated in my church.  We're Baptist.  They didn't come to that, because they had "friends" over that day.  MIL only bought my DD a present because she realized it made her look bad because she didn't come and my family did.  When my DH was baptized, and he told them about it, they just laughed at him.  My DS's birthday came after that, and my MIL had to make a huge production, when she gave him a monetary gift, by making a loud, dramatic sound, and spreading $20s out on the coffee table in front of my mom and her DH.  That just made me laugh inside.  My birthday rolled around, and my mom, her husband, and my PILs came over.  My MIL brought flowers, and I rushed to get a vase.  I took her aside to put the flowers in the vase, to show her that I was appreciative of her gift.  I served everyone food, and translated for her the whole time, just like I always do, since she always has something important to say.  Soon after that, it was my DD's first birthday party.  Conveniently, my MIL and DH had a fight the day before, unbeknownst to me.  They'd been having a lot of fights since he had decided to start standing up for me (after the last baby-sitting incident).  She had told my DH's godmother that he was "changing".  I told him that this was just her way of sneakily setting it all up so that I could be blamed for the fallout.  She had told him that she wasn't going to come to my DD's party because she didn't feel "welcome" around me, because I didn't "like her", and she didn't want to be around people who didn't like her.  LOL.  DH didn't tell me any of this.  MIL didn't show up, but FIL did, 2 hours late.  DH then told me about it, and I told him, "Don't you think this should be the last straw and we shouldn't put up with her anymore?"  He was kind of waffling, so I figured he would just forgive her, as usual.  He told me, later, that when he had talked to her about respecting our boundaries, after the baby-sitting incident, not only had she said, "My house, my way," but she also said that she didn't care about either of my kids, because she had her friend's kids.  I told him that that was it, and I was never going to talk to or see her again.  She'll never see my children again, either.  For some reason, he hadn't believed her when she said it, and that's why he hadn't told me before.  Grrrr.  He got me to send her an email, and he sent her one, too.  He went over there later and she just cried and cried.  She said how much she loooovvveeessss my kids and me, and that she's never said anything bad about me.  This, even though she had just gotten through complaining that I never went over there or hung out with her, like her cousin's DIL did.  That topic, and the not feeling welcome thing, had started the original fight with my DH.  Since DH didn't tell her that he was going to set me straight, and he took my side, she got pissed and didn't come to the party.  The sad thing is that I HAVE hung out with her a lot.  I have done so much for and with this woman.  I've seen her more than I have seen my own mother.  I used to take her shopping at the mall.  We used to go out to eat with them all the time.  We went to their house and had meals with them there.  I have had them over here.  I have taken her to all her Dr.'s appointments and translated for her.  I once stayed in her hospital room for 8 hours, with my 9 month old DS, while she had surgery.  I guess she doesn't remember all this, and it would never be enough for her anyway.  I have not seen her in 5 months, but DH still talks to her occasionally.  I told him that it makes it look like I'm the bad guy.  He finally saw that I was right, because she sent her friend, whose kids were the replacement grandchildren, to talk to me on the phone.  She was trying to bully me into bringing my kids over to MIL's house for her DD's birthday party.  She was not very nice to me on the phone, but was very respectful to my DH.  She asked him if it would be OK to bring the kids over to MIL's house, like it was all my problem.  Then, she tried to go around my DH by asking to speak to me, and then trying to bully and guilt me into going over there.  She even said, "I know YOU'RE having problems with your DH's parents."  Yea, only me.  So, now I know that MIL is telling people that it's just me, just like I told my DH.  At least my DH called her and set her straight, somewhat.  She now has high blood pressure and is on pills for depression.  I guess this is all my fault, too.  She won't tell anyone else about this, because she told my DH that she doesn't want anyone to talk badly about me, because I'm such a good person.  If she'd tell them the TRUTH, they wouldn't talk bad about me anyway.  So, I just laugh at this.  I told my DH to tell her to go ahead and tell her friends.  What do I care?  She's so manipulative!  She asked my DH what did she ever do to cause her son to treat her this way?  What did she do to me?  She's never talked bad about me?  LOL.  This woman is something else.  This is causing so much stress on my family, and I am so sick of this whole drama.  I wish she would just disappear, or that we could move far away from her.  We only live a few minutes from her right now.  I even go to a different area to shop so I won't have to see her.  I have never had problems like this with anyone in my entire life.

        Signed - How Do You Deal With A Narcissist And Keep Your Sanity?
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