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Frequent Fry Her
TM
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Devil DIL
Age: 30    MIL Age: 61

frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 12-OCT-08
After all of the abuse I have had to put up with, and the long period of silence, I got a card.  Well, a birthday card.  In it was an apology about wanting forgiveness for all of the hurtful things she has said, a desire to restart, and a promise of not saying these things again.  Since it contained a gift, I was bound by the code of good manners to send a thank you.  I have the envelope addressed.  What do I say in the card?  I don't think I am ready to forgive.  I can accept the apology, but right now my emotions are spent elsewhere.  So, how do I say thank you for the gift without all of the vile green things I want to say coming out?

        Signed - Betwixt and Between
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 9-AUG-08
This process has made me feel a lot better.  But, I still have a lot of pent-up aggression to work through.  One day last month, my phone rang at my office.  I looked at the caller ID.  It was MIL's number.  She had called me at work 3 times in the past, and 2 involved bad news.  It's now been a year since she sent my DH an email telling him to catch a bus in the middle of the night and leave me.  I have not spoken with her since.  I thought that her call involved bad news about one of the family, and she could not reach DH.  DH cannot receive calls at work unless there is an emergency.  So, I picked up the phone.  She launched into a spiel about "how proud" of me she is, and how I "work so hard" and the like.  I listened in shock and horror.  Then, I grabbed my cell phone.  I called the office so she could hear the phone ringing.  My office-mate answered it and called out for me, saying that it was someone important.  Never did she apologize.  And never again will I answer her call.  I guess a cutoff without a kiss-off does not get the point through as well.  But, honestly, I don't think I could hold back from calling her every name in the book.  So, any advice on a cutoff through silence?

        Signed - Cut Off Through Silence?
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 6-JUL-08
Almost a year after the bigger divorce bribe, my mother fell ill.  She was diagnosed with cancer, stage 3.  She had not had surgery to remove the cancer yet, but she was in the planning stages.  I went to see her.  My parents are fairly wealthy, and have supported us financially when we have needed it.  I am not trying to indicate that I have grown up with a silver spoon, but there was money for college, professional school, car repairs and the like.  Regardless, the day after I returned, I was taking a nap.  I was quite tired and especially emotionally from my trip.  The phone began ringing, and no number came up on caller ID.  I answered it.  It was MIL.  I had a habit, when we had a home phone, to let her calls go to the machine.  Unfortunately, I answered this one.  I told her that DH was not home.  She asked when he would be home.  I told her when.  As I was hanging up, she had the gall to ask me if my mother was dying; when the doctors expected her to die; and how much money DH would inherit.  I slammed down the phone.  I did not talk to her for over 2 1/2 years as a result of this.

        Signed - It's All About The Money
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 3-JUL-08
This is one of the myriad of stories from my wedding.  I come from a wealthy family.  DH comes from a farming family.  He had gone to college, and was working in the big city about 4 hours away from his family when we met.  I was in college working on my dual undergraduate degrees.  We decided to get married a month after my graduation.  We decide on a big wedding.  I told FMIL that they could have 100 seats at the wedding.  She sent me a guest list of 120, but it was easy to cut it down, because I did not want children at the wedding.  My family drinks, and gets quite boisterous.  The wedding reception site had a rule:  No children at the site after 8.  So, no kids.  MIL flipped out about that.  She decided that they wouldn't pay for the rehearsal dinner because of the no children policy, and because DF and I had lived together for 2 years.  So, now, 10 days before the wedding, I canceled the rehearsal site, and my mom gracefully stepped up and hosted a backyard BBQ.  All because I would not invite 40 small children to my wedding.

        Signed - No Kids, So No Money
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 3-JUL-08
DH went to SBIL's wedding without me.  I had some mixed feelings, as I was not invited.  But, it also meant that I would not have to see MIL.  That, and I had a new job.  It was my first job in my chosen career.  While it was a summer job, I wanted to make a good impression.  I sent DH off to the wedding with the $500 rental tuxedo.  He did not return Monday, and instead was whisked from the wedding site to MIL's house.  While he was there, she started working on him.  She told him that I was sleeping with my boss.  I'd had my job for about 4 weeks full-time, and was working about 60 hours a week.  Plus, I was working another 20 hours part-time.  She told him that as soon as I graduate, I will leave him for a dashing young professional in my field.  She then told him to leave me, and that she would give him $100,000 to be used as a down payment on a house near hers.  She also told him that she would buy him the best divorce lawyer in their state, and give him a brand new pickup truck if he won't even go back to get his stuff, and just send me the divorce papers in the mail.  And, oh yeah, she would get him a job at his choice of locations in her area.  All of this during radio silence.  I tried calling, only to be told that he was out visiting family and he would call me.  When I asked when he would be back, I was told that he would call me.  He had to walk up the street to the convenience store to call me collect, to tell me when he would be home.  I was going out of my mind.  DH did not tell me of the bribe until he got back to me.

        Signed - She Tried To Bribe Him!!!!
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 1-JUL-08
Two years after I earned my professional degree and began working, I rapidly rose to success in my field.  I am regarded as one of the bright young talents in my field.  Now, I am not trying to toot my own horn, its all born of hard work, long hours and lots of support from my FOO and DH.  It was approaching the holidays.  MIL was getting insistent on seeing DH - it had been quite a while.  I did not want to go because I feel very uncomfortable around his family.  I am not accepted, and I choose not to associate with them.  I am not part of their faith, I work as a professional, I do not have children and, well, the list goes on.  She wanted DH to come out for the holidays.  I was sort of invited, but chose not to go, as I really had a lot going on at the office and had planned on being gone Christmas through New Years.  So, I agreed that DH could go.  Besides, he wanted to see his GM, who is the only member of their family I like, because she accepts me for who I am.  Having learned from previous mistakes, I made DH call his mother to book the ticket, and use her credit card.  I also had changed cell phone providers and knew that this phone would work out there, so he could call me.  I did not let him travel with our credit card, in case of some shenanigans (he did have emergency funds).  The day before his trip I ran an errand for a friend.  It was 5:05 pm, the height of our limited and pathetic rush hour.  I was stopped at a stop light, about 8 cars back.  I was actually in DH's car, because he had taken mine for an oil change, waxing, and interior cleaning that day.  I was daydreaming at the light, trying to decide what to make for dinner when - WHAM!!!  I was rear-ended by a lady paying no attention.  I was shaken up.  I hit my head really hard on the headrest and broke my hair clip.  To top it off, she was witchy when she approached the car.  I did not get out.  I was confused and in pain.  I asked her to call 911 and send an ambulance.  The ambulance arrived, and I was taken to the hospital.  It turns out that I had reversed the curvature of my neck, bulged disks (discovered later) and had a concussion.  Needless to say, DH was not able to leave on his trip.  I could not be left alone for 24 hours.  So, he called his mother, who did not believe that I was in a car accident.  Then, she stated that I had staged it, so it was my fault.  She generally went psycho about how her holiday was ruined along with all of the family plans that I was destroying.  She stopped when I agreed to rearrange the trip for later during the holiday.  DH had the time off, so he could go.  On Monday, she called the PD in our town, as well as the Sheriff and the State Police, to see if the story about the wreck was true.  Since the report had not been filed yet, they had no information.  They told her it took 5-7 business days to file the wreck report when someone was taken to the hospital and/or the car was towed.  She called me at work to call me a liar.  Nothing could dissuade her that I wasn't lying or that I did not set up the accident.  I did not speak with her for a year over this.

        Signed - Rear-ended To Ruin Your Holiday
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 29-JUN-08
So, while I was recovering from my car accident, I agreed to send DH to her.  As I stated previously, I did not want to go, even though I was sort of invited.  Of course, since I was the one who messed up the plans, we ended up paying to change the airline tickets.  Regardless, I feel that DH needs a relationship with his mother, even if I choose not to have one with her.  So, off he went.  I got to spend some time with my best GF, who I flew in to visit with me.  In a way, it was nice to have the house to ourselves.  DH called to check in, but by day 3 or 4, his conversations seemed strained.  He told me that morning that he had to go to her lawyer to sign some papers concerning her will and power of attorney.  It seemed to make sense.  I had to do the same thing for my parents' wills and powers.  He seemed tense, but indicated that he could not speak freely.  So, best GF and I went out shopping to hit the post-Christmas sales and otherwise have fun.  DH called much later - after 11 pm.  His parents were now in bed, and I could hear that he was agitated, upset.  DH has the patience of a saint and the constitution of a Buddha.  He does not ruffle easily.  He also takes his time before he is ready to talk.  I knew that he would be ready the next day when he got home.  I confirmed best GFs flight, took her to the airport, and waited for DH's flight (about 45 minutes).  He got out, looking disheveled, distraught and worried.  We started driving.  He told me to head to the grocery store to get beer.  I thought, "Oh no, this is bad," as DH is a light social drinker, and only drinks heavily on rare occasions, or when he is really upset.  He drank one beer, then 2.  On the third beer, out came the story.  The trip to the lawyer was a ruse.  It was not to sign documents.  The lawyer was a divorce lawyer.  He had a reputation as a shark.  The papers were ready for signature.  Mind you, we did not live in that state.  He and MIL began discussing that he could get half the value of my professional license for 20 years, and part of my parents' money.  She offered to pay this man's retainer, buy a house in her name for him to live in, bill free, and give him 100K after the divorce was done.  All he needed to do was sign the papers.  He got up, walked out, and had his GM pick him up.  And, he has not been back since.

        Signed - The Divorce Bribe Goes Up
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL/Posted: 22-JUN-08
When DH and I got married, I had not started professional school, yet.  Our wedding had been planned to take place about 10 weeks before I started school.  When we got engaged, I was working on my undergraduate degree.  He knew that I wanted to go to professional school.  I told him that I would not marry him unless he was supportive.  I would be attending professional school, and I might choose a school, based on scholarships, that was far away from where we had grown up.  My family was very supportive of my attendance and of us moving away.  About 5 months before the wedding, I accepted a scholarship to a school 700 miles away from our families.  So, on the day of our wedding, before we exchanged vows, MIL cornered me as I was dressing.  She then stated, "I guess you won't be going to professional school now."  I replied, "Why do you ask?"  She told me, "Married women don't attend professional school and work that type of job.  They stay home and have children."  Needless to say, married women do attend professional school and work in that profession.

        Signed - Stay Home And Have Children
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 13-JUN-08
A couple of years ago I was working my way through professional school.  DH was working to help me through school.  At the time, we had been married for 2 years, and had dated for 3 before the marriage.  His SB was set to get married in the Southwest.  We live about 700 miles away.  We got the wedding invitation.  It was addressed "Mr. DH", not Mr. DH and Mrs. DIL, just him.  The response card was already marked "one".  So, being the good DIL that I am, I called to see if it was a mistake.  I mean, SBIL did not come to our wedding, which was 150 miles from his place.  Maybe he did not realize?  No, the invite was for one, because they thought I would not be able to make the wedding.  You know, it might cost too much of DH's money or something, or, I might be working.  I just said, "Eh, whatever."  I sent the response card, and, eventually, DH.  The wedding itself is a story for another post.

        Signed - So, I Guess I Don't Count
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 13-JUN-08
I, previously, wrote about the invitation to SBIL's wedding, where the invite read "Mr. DH", and the response card was for one.  It turned out that DH was to be a groomsman at the wedding.  He needed a new tux.  We went to the nationwide tuxedo rental place to got it rented.  It turned out to be the same style that DH had bought for our wedding.  All we needed was the cummerbund and bowtie.  I thought, "YEA, we do not have to spend a fortune."  We bought the cummerbund and bowtie.  MIL called to complain that DH had not rented the tux - it was showing on the information from the tuxedo place.  I informed her that it was the same tux that DH already owned, and we bought the accessories on the list.  She blew her lid over that, claiming that it cannot possibly be the same cheap tux, and I needed to take DH to rent the right one.  It was not a cheap tux ($400 after tailoring), and it was the same one.  I even had the store manager call and tell her that.  She informed me that DH *WILL* be renting the tux.  I told her, "No," unless she was paying for the rental.  She agreed to pay for it.  The store near the wedding did not have DH's size, but the store near us did.  DH rented the exact same tux he already owned, and flew with it.  With the late fee and cleaning, it came to over $500, on my credit card.  I still haven't gotten the check for that one.

        Signed - Renting The Same Tux
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 13-JUN-08
Further on the wedding of SBIL.  I booked the airline ticket.  I flew out Friday, returned Monday.  I cleared it with MIL about the rides to and from the airport.  She agreed.  I paid for the tickets.  Now, at this time I had just completed my first year of education on my professional program.  I was more than a little broke.  I had not worked for the first year, and, although DH did, we just barely made our bills, with very little to spare.  I asked her to send DH with a check to cover the tickets.  She agreed.  The ticket cost about $250.  So, off to the wedding he went, without me.  This was fine, as I had just started 2 jobs in the previous weeks.  MIL picked DH up from the airport, which was about 2 hours from the wedding.  That was the last call I got from him until Sunday.  He announced to me that he was at her house, 4 hours from the airport, and she would not be taking him to the airport the next day.  Instead, she would fly him out of the regional airport on Thursday.  Not Monday.  I assumed that she had bought him a new ticket.  He arrived home on Thursday, very, very late.  When I got the credit card statement for the next month, surprise, there was another charge for airline tickets.  For $440.  And, guess what he did not have?  A check from MIL for any amount.  It took about 1/4 of my summer wages to pay for the trip to BIL's wedding.  And, that's not to mention the gift that was extorted out of DH - $200 cash for a wedding gift.  Yeesh.

        Signed - Surprise . . . I'm Paying For Your Selfishness
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frequent fry her - DevilDIL Frequent Fry Her TM - DevilDIL, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 22-JUN-08
While DH was held hostage by MIL, after BIL's wedding, I came to realize that I should have never let him go in the first place.  There was no phone communication.  His cell phone does not work out there, and the only phones in their house are in their bedroom and the kitchen.  No way to have privacy.  No way for him to tell me what was going on.  So, MIL pounced on the opportunity to try to brainwash DH, as she knew he could not contact me.  He could not call me for support.  Her brainwashing stated that good wives do not attend professional school.  No, they stay home and have children.  I am not against SAHMs, and I have the highest respect for the hard work they do.  I just don't want to be one.  Before the wife has kids, she may have a menial job.  But she needs to be home to cook and clean.  Again, I have nothing against cooking and cleaning; I do my fair share, but so does DH.  But, according to DH, he should not have to cook or clean after he gets home from work.  He should have 3 meals a day prepared by the wife.  And, since he had lost weight, which he needed to do, I was not being a good wife.  MIL had a solution for the horrible, abusive situation, where the wife was in professional school and expected her husband to chip in around the house.  Divorce, of course.  She offered him $10,000 to leave me.  She would buy him a new pickup truck, and help him land a lucrative job in his field near her house.  She would introduce him to some nice girls at her church, whom he could marry with her blessing.  Because, you know, a wife with ambition to be a professional, make a good living, and hire a housekeeper, is an abusive wife.

        Signed - Divorce Was Her Answer
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