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Frequent Fry HerTM
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Living In Crazy Land
Age: 23    MIL Age: 48

Hey V

frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM. - Living in crazy land/Posted: 26-SEP-09
Wow, I haven't written in 2 years.  I can't believe it!  My MIL is still just as crazy as she ever was.  My DH and I bought our first house just a year ago.  We looked and looked forever, and found one in a great little neighborhood that we really liked.  It's also really close to most of my friends.  The only thing we weren't so sure of was being just a few miles from the IL's house.  Surprisingly, it's been just great, and they only showed up once unannounced, when we had first moved in.  Luckily, we weren't there.  We just got a phone call saying, "Where are ya'll!?  We want to see the new house!"  To which my DH replied, We are out and about.  Why didn't you call first?  You aren't going to be THOSE kind of parents, are you??"  LOL.  They've never stopped by unannounced since then.  This past week, we were over having dinner.  After dinner, everyone left the table to escape and do something fun, but I was stuck listening to MIL talk about different things.  She started talking to me about her oldest DD (13 yrs old) and how she does her eye makeup.  She told me that she liked how I did my eyeliner so thin and pretty, and asked if I could please teach her DD how to do eyeliner because she thinks that it looks just terrible and cheap.  I told her that my eyeliner was thicker than how her DD was currently wearing her eyeliner that day.  She didn't say anything, and then started talking about how we should all go up to the mall without makeup on and let the makeup counter people do our makeup, so that her DD could learn.  She just kept going on and on about how her DD's makeup was so "cheap" looking.  All my SIL wears is brown eyeliner on the top and bottom lids, and some mascara.  That's it!  She looks great to me.  I don't know what to say.  My MIL doesn't like anything the girls or the guys pick out to wear, and they fight about it constantly.  It's ridiculous.  A few weeks ago, we went with the IL's to celebrate my BIL's birthday (he turned 19).  When we got to the restaurant, she told me that I should come sit by her.  But, I pretended not to hear her.  Then, after we all sat down, she told her DS (not the birthday boy or my DH) to switch places with me.  So, I had to get up and switch with him.  SIGH!  It was really irritating.  I know that she just wanted to talk to me the whole time.  So, her DH sat there and she said hardly anything to him the whole time.  She just talked to me.  DH was on my other side, and he talked with his brothers, mostly because they were near him.  His poor sisters were stuck at the other side looking bored (we were at a huge, round table that fit 10).  I'd rather have been sitting with them.  THEN, my MIL decided to start asking me about BIL, and if he and his GF were still together.  I was caught off guard and accidentally said, "No, I don't think they are?"  For some stupid reason I assumed that he had told his mom, but I don't know why I thought this.  I had a lapse in judgment.  Never again!  She started asking me all kinds of questions, "Why?," "When?," etc.  And, then she said, in a very serious voice, "Well, if anything this important ever happens again, I'd like to know about it."  Like I'm to be her spy or something!  As SOON as she said that, I thought in my head, "Yeah, I bet you would!"  Nope, don't think so, lady.  SIGH, LOL.  She is so special.

        Signed - I'm Not 007
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frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM - Living in crazy land /Posted: 20-OCT-07
Part 6.  DH and I have been married for 2 months now.  MIL did her best to do everything in her power to have our wedding her way.  We did end up having that meeting about the letter.  SIGH.  DH thought it was the best thing to do, after much disagreement and arguing.  I told him, "This is the LAST meeting I will EVER go to, EVER."  I made it quite clear that it was stupid and that they were just being controlling.  We went and listened to them (well, her anyway) go down the list on the letter and say, "Why did you say this?  This is mean.  It hurts our feelings.  It's rude, etc."  She even said at one point, "When a couple is mature, they come to their parents."  While she was still jabbering, I leaned over to DH and whispered, "Uh, so we are immature?"  His dad saw me and said, "What was that!?" really mean.  I looked him in the eye and said, "She said that when a couple is mature, they come to their parents.  So is she saying that we aren't mature?"  He said, "Did she say that?"  He looked over at MIL.  "She did NOT say that."  I said, "Whatever.  I know what I heard."  DH later told me that FIL didn't know because he wasn't paying attention, LOL.  He was in the zone.  We were there forever (even though we told them ONE HOUR, it was more like 2+ hours).  I was supposed to be meeting my three friends for my BFF's birthday, and I was late.  We were sitting there, and I heard a knock at the door.  His dad went to answer it, and I heard a voice that sounded like one of my friends.  It was them!  LOL.  They had driven around all the neighborhood because they had been to their house once before.  So, they drove around until they saw my car and came to rescue me!  Immediately, MIL was all nice and sweet.  My BFF (also MOH) asked her, "Are you coming to the bridal shower??" really nicely.  MIL looked at me and I smiled inside because they had JUST been griping to me that I had told EVERYONE about how terrible MIL was (all lies, of COURSE!).  Why would she ever want to attend a bridal shower for me where people were going to think that she was some terrible person??  She said, "Weeeell, I have to make sure of all our schedules, but we will probably be there (high pitched voice).  We FINALLY got to leave, thank goodness.  I left with my girls and he got to stay at home with his lovely family and my car.  I think he ended up leaving and hanging out with his brothers.  I left and had a great night out with the girls, and told them EVERYTHING that she had said.  They all got a big laugh out of it, especially when I told them that I had recorded it!  That's right, the whole conversation.  I listened to it later (with my mom).  His mom HAD said all that stuff about couples being mature.  I knew I was right.  It was nice to know that I wasn't hearing things.  I bought the recorder especially for our meeting.  Best 65 bucks I ever spent.

        Signed - Who's Laughing Now?
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frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM - Living in crazy land /Posted: 28-JUN-07
DF and I decided to send out "Save the Date" magnets, because they are so nifty and no one will lose it easily.  I found a great deal online.  We took pictures on my parent's front porch, and sent the picture off to get made into our lovely magnets.  It was SO HARD to get the dang addresses for DH's side of the family.  He had to look in his mom's address book, when she wasn't around, to copy them all down.  To top it all off, I called one of his aunts to make sure that all the addresses were current, and she told me that they didn't even know that DF was really engaged.  They thought it was merely a family rumor!!!  FMIL later told me that this was a misunderstanding, and she was very sorry sounding about it.  But, the more I've come to know her, I do believe that she was just lying!  So, I'm glad that I just ignored her and sent out the magnets anyways.  We sent those out forever ago.  I even got back some really nice letters from some of his aunts and uncles.  They sound really nice, but I wonder if some of them are just as crazy as MIL is.  My FMIL is SO picky about everything to do with my wedding.  She tells us all the time that weddings are "a family time", and she wants me to let her family take care of everything, like decorate, pick food, dresses, etc.  I personally want my wedding planner (she is my friend's mom, and I absolutely LOVE and adore her) to plan everything.  She is prompt and efficient, and has fabulous taste.  She wants me to have everything the way I love it.  FMIL, however, is stuck in the 70's, and wants lots of tulle, ribbons and flowers everywhere.  She wanted her niece to make heart shaped wreaths to hang on the doors.  They were made out of fake pink flowers, because they'd have to bring them with them on the plane.  Barf!  That sounds so tacky.  She tells me that it's all about what I want, but if I want something different than what she wants, she won't do it or pay for it.  There's no compromise.

        Signed - Amused
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frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM - Living in crazy land, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 11-JUN-07
Oh, where to begin?  I should have found this site a year ago.  I haven't even married into the family yet, but I'm already well aware of how crazy my future hubby's mother truly is.  When we first got engaged, his parents seemed very excited.  In fact, we were gone on a camping trip with several other friends, and his parents and my parents got together for dinner while we were gone.  My FDH was going to propose while we were in the mountains, but I felt ill.  So, I returned home without a ring on my finger, like they were hoping for.  He ended up proposing about a week later.  The craziness began soon after.  His parents wanted us to come over and have a meeting with them.  At first I didn't realize what that really meant, but now I've come to loath "meetings" and have refused to attend any more.  We all sat down and my FMIL handed out PowerPoint packets with a giant picture of FDH and me on the front.  She then proceeded to tell us to "not look ahead" (insert high pitched voice here), which I did as soon as she wasn't looking.  They had a Bible lesson about marriage for us, which is fine and all, but it was for someone with a 4th grade reading level.  It's like they thought that we were stupid.  They got to the last page, which was a list of all the things that they wanted us to "improve".  It started with the kinds of movies we watch (nothing bad, we don't watch anything higher than Pg-13 or R).  But they don't approve of movies unless they get high ratings on a religious movie review website.  Then, they said that we shouldn't go to "Honky Tonk bars", which made me laugh and I had to catch myself.  They argued forever about how their son shouldn't drink, and we tried to tell them that we hardly ever drink or anything, and have rarely been to bars.  Next on the list was making sure that we make sure to hang out with the right kinds of friends.  It was kind of like being 10 again.  And, THEN the real icing on the cake:  They went to the next item on the list, under the Purity headline.  His father began talking to me about how boys are visual and blah, blah, and that I need to dress better.  FMIL told me that spaghetti straps are for the bedroom and that they don't let their girls (ages 9 & 11) wear those types of things, or shirts with words on the chest.  I just stared at FFIL with one eyebrow raising slowly.  I couldn't believe it.  FDH told FFIL that that was fine for them, but I'm a grown adult and he likes the way I dress.  He said that it's not their place.  Just a side note, I am very careful in the way I dress.  I have gone to church all my life and have never had to be pulled aside to be told that my shirt was a little too short or anything, not even accidentally.  I always asked my mom if I wasn't sure about something and she'd tell me.  I am very careful, but I'm not a nun, ya know!  Jeez.  They talked about our finances and wanted to see a budget of our money, and they wanted us to make up and sign (in front of them) a Purity Plan.  By the time the 3 1/2 hour meeting was finally over, I was crying because I was so sad.  I felt upset and like cr@p.  FMIL then had the audacity to come over to me and HUG me!  Then she prayed for our time together.  I just wanted to say, "Get away from me you crazy woman.  Who the heck do you think you are!?!!"  We left soon after and unfortunately it hasn't been the last of her (and her DH's) nonsense.

        Signed - Spaghetti Straps Are Scandalous
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frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM - Living in crazy land, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 24-JUN-07
I think I forgot to mention that the last page of our "packet" (that we got in our meeting) said (in size 48 font) GOTTA WAIT ... TO SET A DATE.  They wanted us to be engaged for about 2 1/2 years or so until FDH had a "real" job.  So, we looked around and found the place that we wanted, and my mom put down the $800 dollar deposit.  About a month and a half had passed, and FDH was at home (he lived with his parents).  His mom kept telling us not to rush with wedding stuff because we didn't need to plan right now, blah, blah.  She ended up getting into an argument with DH, and he blurted out, "Well, we already rented the place!" because he was mad.  She was LIVID!  How DARE we decide on a place without seeking her advice and counsel!!!??  She told her son that she would be calling my parents for a meeting.  He replied, "Sure, go ahead, you are only going to make yourself look like a fool."  She proceeded to call my mom (who had been warned in advance).  The ILs argued with my mom over the phone, and were quite rude with her.  My mom said, "Well, I wasn't aware of the fact that I had to ask your permission to pay for MY daughter's wedding."  This also infuriated MIL more, since she would not be getting her way.  My parents agreed to have a "meeting", which the ILs seem to thrive on.  But, the night before, MIL called and canceled because she was feeling "ill".  This was a lie, because we had all been together the night before for a family get together at my FDH's grandparent's house.  She and her DH had stayed up very late talking and laughing with them.  She just didn't want to come over with a time limit placed on their meeting.  My mom had told her that my dad's mom was coming over at 5, so they could come at 2 and stay till then.  Like 3 hours isn't enough time!  LOL!  Not for her.  She loves to talk and talk, and never listen.  I think that she likes to hear her own voice.  She'll interrupt you when you are talking, but don't you dare do the same!  She thinks that her feelings are more important than anyone else's.  She and her husband constantly berate my FDH about how "selfish" and "rebellious" he is for not "respecting" them and their wishes, and for just going off and doing whatever he wants without asking for guidance.  She drives me nuts!

        Signed - I'm A Rebel
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frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM - Living in crazy land, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 24-JUN-07
By now, FDH and I have been through some counseling, separately and together.  We will also start premarital counseling in about 4 weeks with our Pastor.  FMIL and FFIL wanted to do our premarital counseling, and were irritated when we told them that we were going to our Pastor, who has been married for 35+ years, and has done tons of weddings and counseling sessions.  She keeps mentioning that Pastors aren't really good counselors because they need to take a class to be certified.  So, does that mean that she IS certified somehow?  When they found out, a few months ago, that their son was not a virgin (from a previous 3 year relationship), they had a huge fit, and have, ever since, badgered him, asking over and over if he's SURE that I know about it.  I finally told his mom one day at lunch that I did know, and to please quit asking him.  She took this as me not being ready to be married, because it made me sad to talk about it.  Well, I wasn't exactly thrilled that he wasn't a virgin (I am), but I asked, before we were even dating long, to make sure that it wasn't going to be something that I couldn't get over.  I love him, and the issue of virginity is not the most important thing in the world, ya know?  She told me that she and FFIL want us four to all sit down and talk, and that FFIL wants to make sure that I've asked FDH all the questions that I wanted to.  I told her that this really didn't sound like a good idea, and would make me very uncomfortable.  I also told her that it was uncomfortable enough when he talked to me about the way I dressed!  FMIL later told FDH that I should be able to take "constructive criticism" about things.  Yes, it's important for people, including me, to be able to take "constructive criticism", not "constant criticism", which is what she dishes out when something isn't to her liking.  It's as if her way is the only right way.  Counseling has helped a lot.  We just let our parents talk directly to each other, if need be.  This way, his mom can't guilt him into guilting me into doing something that I really dislike, purely to make him happy (meaning by making her happy, so that she doesn't gripe to him all the time).  Our counselors and pastor have really hammered in the fact that "a man shall LEAVE his mother and father and become one with his wife".  If FDH wants to marry me, he has to make decisions with me, and not with his mom.  It was a struggle at first, but now he's doing so well.  I'm very proud of him.  It was a rocky beginning.  I think that it partially was due to him thinking and saying, "Oh, I think she'll be better after we get married."  EVERYONE keeps telling me that it won't get any better, which I, in turn, tell him.  I believe it.  I just need him to realize it.  I think that he secretly hopes/thinks that she'll be magically better after the wedding.  NOT!  She'll just be trying to name our children, or something crazy like that.  To top it all off, I heard her telling my FDH that she couldn't believe that I was having MY brother in the wedding party, because she had seen his pictures on the internet, and he had long hair.  She thinks that this was SO inappropriate, and quite embarrassing!  Well, she has not seen him in person since he was about 14.  He has cut his hair, and it's currently short.  ANYWAY, he's my brother, and I'll have him in my wedding, even if his hair is purple!  Besides, I'm having my FDH's two sisters (10 and 12) and two brothers (14 and 16) in the wedding party.  Is it really a big deal if my only sibling is in it also???  When I told my brother, he took it all in stride and said, "Well, maybe you should tell her that it's embarrassing for her to be in it because she's so fat," (she is obese, not just chubby).  I feel bad for her, and would even love to try to get her to go on walks or something, but she is just very stagnant.  That is her choice.  FFIL and FMIL also keep attacking us for not getting married in a church.  We aren't opposed to a church by any means, we simply just love the place for the reception and want to get married there as well.  It saves on cost, and people don't have to travel to a separate location, either!  I thought that would be cool.  She keeps going on and on about it being a Christian witness, and his dad went so far as to say to him, "You wouldn't get married in a bar, would you?"  "No," was my FDH's answer.  "Exactly," his dad replied.  ????  Did I miss something here?  A bar is not comparable to a historic building that happens to be gorgeous.  I just don't get it.  We are sorry that we didn't elope.

        Signed - We Shoulda Ran Away
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frequent fry her - Living in crazy land Frequent Fry Her TM - Living in crazy land, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 25-JUN-07
Let's see, so after FMIL finally realized that we had set the date, she started to calm down.  At least it seemed that way at first, and then wham!  She was crazy again.  She wanted her son to meet with her and his dad, and they did.  For 3 hours they scolded him and told him how terrible he was, how hurt they were, and how he wasn't ready to be married until they said he was.  Every couple of days, whenever he ever said anything about the wedding, she would flip out and have these huge long meetings with him and his dad.  He finally told his dad that he wasn't going to have any more meetings, and he told him to "bring a big truck home" after work.  So he came home and said, "Ok dad, we will have a meeting," (he and I, I was furious).  I stayed up late into the night writing her a looooong letter, and a Bible lesson, too, just like they had for me.  LOL.  The day came for the meeting and they told him, 3 hours before I was supposed to be there, that they didn't want me to come over after all.   So, I showed up anyway, of course, and his dad proceeded to tell me to leave and that I wasn't "a part of the family yet", even though they were going to talk about MY wedding with MY DF.  I told them that it was ridiculous, and left.  They met with him forever and he came over to my house and told me that maybe we could do a few things to make his mom happy.  My stomach was so sick from crying and thinking that we may have to break up if he didn't stick up for us.  He wanted to just let her do some, and see how far she tried to take it.  I gave him the letter that I had written, and told him that I needed him to give it to her, even though he didn't want to.  I had my mom, dad, pastor, pastors wife, and my boss all read it.  I wanted to make sure that it wasn't mean or hurtful.  It just said that she had hurt my feelings and that it hurt me to see them treat FDH the way that they do.  I also stated that I wouldn't put up with ANYONE controlling my life or wedding!  Needless to say, a few days after that they wanted to have ANOTHER meeting with us, and DH said, "No."  He got kicked out of the house and had to live with his friend and 2 other roommates for 3 or 4 days.  I searched around and tried to find a place for him to stay, someone who needed a roomy, anything!  God was gracious, and we found a guy who was also engaged and was going to be married just 2 months before us.  The guy was also going to marry the daughter of a man whom my dad had been friends with for almost 30 years.  And, to top it all off, he also lived a mile from my house.  So, FDH and I were able to see each other much more easily, with no long driving times.  It was such a blessing.  FMIL was SO mad that he was moving out, and she said that she wasn't going to pay for DH's school.  So what?  We'll pay for it ourselves.  Anything to keep her away.  I'll not be controlled by her money.  She was mad that he moved out without asking her first.  Hello!  She kicked him out and then pretended that nothing happened!  She's ridiculous.  We went over, a few days after he was kicked out, in order to move all his stuff out, and his mom and dad were gone.  I looked on the desk where they keep everything and found the letter that I had written to them.  There were red marks all over, with writing.  It was like she had graded my paper!  She wrote "inappropriate comment" at different parts, like where I had said that I would not be controlled or manipulated by anyone, whomever they may be.  She also wrote on the back that my mom was very rude to her on the phone.  Well, what does she expect?  Should my mom just sit there and be attacked?  They were very rude and condescending (especially FFIL, who likes to talk to people like they are the dumbest person in the world, and he's so great or something).  My mom couldn't believe the things that they said.  I sometimes wish that I had tape recorded some of our conversations.  FMIL and FFIL now want have a meeting about "the letter", because I hurt their feelings.  It's too bad that they don't listen to other people's opinions and feelings as much as they talk about their own.

        Signed - Talk To The Hand, Cause The Face Ain't Listening
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